Just need to vent....

hypnotic_nurse · Jul 16, 2004

Even psychologists can get it wrong. They're only human, with all the biases that everyone else has -- and it sounds as though she had some kind of agenda; a good psychologist helps you find your own answers, instead of giving you advice.

MDs who are not psychiatrists are sometimes at a loss when it comes to diagnosing and treating psych disorders, even though they are very common.

Get a second opinion. And write down JUST what you wrote here so you can show it to him/her.

LT Dave · Jul 16, 2004

Sounds like you have to find a new psychiatrist. To suggest you get a divorce from a good and functional husband is bewildering to me. You have clinical depression; I see this so often in our field. Nurses and Doctors give so much of them selves to patients and the Hospital that many often have nothing left over for them selves. You are not alone with these ambivalent feelings. A trial of some of the newer anti depressants may be in order. Get a new doc though the one you have is useless.

One more thing, people who are not as smart as others are too dumb to realize that. They have little insight and an inability to reflect upon them selves...you are not in that group.

husker-nurse, LPN, LVN · Jul 16, 2004

Ya know, Dave, your answer brought tears to my eyes, and I agree wholeheartedly. I really wish I wasn't so dissillusioned with Nursing, maybe also I need to find my niche in Nursing, I can tell ya right now that the med-nephro unit ain't it! However, it is bringing me a LOT of very good experience!

OneRN · Jul 16, 2004

Just reading your post, it sounds kind of like a general disillusionment with life. We keep thinking there's a goal, you know some kind of purpose toward which we are ultimately moving, and as life wears on, that purpose becomes like a mirage: the closer you get the farther away it is and the more it fades away. We end up with a nagging question that we try to stuff away and not look at: Is my life, my existence, all in vain? Is my life, ultimately, pointless?

We try to learn in life; but to what end? What for?

We try to love and be loved; but in the end it's all lost. We die; the ones we love die, and all that we love is taken from us.

We try to help others; but they don't help themselves, and the need for our help never ends. We never accomplish any lasting help.

We cannot end the cause of our depression, but we can end that which gets depressed. I'm a monist, so I believe that only God exists and everything else is a kind of dream-fiction. When I'm able to realize that my body, my image in the mirror, and even my mind (that is my self-talk, feelings fears, habits, desires, goals, personal memories, etc) are all as unreal as a character in one of my dreams, then I sense my true self which is God. And in that moment, all depression, fear, loss, existential angst, powerlessness and anger disappears as well.

You see, God doesn't have a goal. Only we illusions have goals. God is eternal: never was created, and can never not exist. God just is; God lives in the eternal single moment. When you realize that, when your true self takes over your illusory self, then you won't feel bad anymore. Every moment will be the goal and the purpose for which you exist, and you will necessarily never die.

Jesus said, if you hold on to your life you will lose it, but if you give up your life for my sake (if you become Christ, i.e., God in the form of Man, Son of Man, married to Christ, Christ in your heart, etc.) Then you will live forever.

To help you, I suggest the following therapy: Read the four Gospels, one after the other, slowly over a period of six months or so. But when you are reading them keep this frame of mind: Jesus Christ = me as my higher self talking to the other characters (John, Peter, Nicodemus, etc) which represent my lower, illusory self. When you do that, it will feel as if the Gospel was written by you and for you, which it was.

Second: Read Spinoza's "Ethics." You may only be able to read a paragraph at a time without falling asleep, but eventually it begins to make sense. Spinoza is the father, so to speak, of monism.

Good luck.

Energizer Bunny · Jul 16, 2004

I agree with the others about getting a second opinion. This sounds very much like how I was feeling (of course I wasn't in nursing since I am just a student) years ago. I hope you can find a Dr. that can see how you are suffering inside and truly help you.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jul 16, 2004

Best wishes. I can relate.

seanymph · Jul 16, 2004

(((((((((Huskernurse))))))))))))))

I want you to know you are not alone. I feel like you have put into words what I have been feeling for years and have never been able to express. I see myself in your words. I send my love and best wishes to you and hope you find the answers. I have no words of wisdom for you as I to am still searching. Best of luck and if you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

redshiloh · Jul 16, 2004

Please, please go get your thyroid checked! The weight gain and the depression can be related to this, mine was.

Rhoresmith · Jul 16, 2004

I glad you said that because I wondered about that myself... You may have hypothroidism Have a blood test and check this out

MandyInMS · Jul 16, 2004

Stress @ work

Weight gain

Low self esteem

Sleeping too much

Don't 'enjoy' life

Feel helpless/hopeless

These are the things I noted from your post.First go to a diff DR and rule out a medical cause for your sx..as mentioned get your thyroid checked.You do sound depressed/anxious to me according to your sx..I've been there/it's not fun..and just because at this moment you are able to 'function' doesn't mean you don't need help..I know how it is to hide your feelings and laugh a little louder to 'fool' everyone.Write down the way you are feeling and list all your sx..both mental and physical and take them to a MD..don't rely on your memory to tell him/her everything.I know when I felt this way it was like I couldn't concentrate as well as I should, and you may forget something important.Best wishes to youuuuuu..hope you feel better soon (((hugzzzzzzz)))

Dinith88 · Jul 17, 2004

One more thing, people who are not as smart as others are too dumb to realize that. .

And the even DUMBER ones feel they're smarter than the rest!

Good post Dave!....