I have posted on various occasions on this forum and have had some fantastic advice but would be very grateful if someone could point me in the right direction AGAIN 😊!.
I am a new graduate RN and recently started dialysis at a clinic and HATED it. I left after three days as I knew that they would waste time and money and it just was not for me!
I have an interview next week for a community hospital with a predominantly older people population. However the dodgy staffing agency that contacted me in the past have made contact with me again and tried to persuade me to work on med surg unit this weekend. They are offering triple the money of the hospitals and all other practice areas! Triple! I am so scared to go with the agency as I have no experience and actually turned down an offer already with that hospital due to non existent staff patient ratio! .
My dilemma is that my husband started screaming at me saying I'm lazy as I'm too scared to do agency but he said that I have to start somewhere and why start on a similar unit earning buttons when I will be paid so much more with agency.
The staffer said he has 6 new graduates working perfectly in that hospital and if they can do it, then why can't I?. I feel out of my depth and it would not be safe. He said I will work side by side with veteran nurses and just to try it!. I feel so bullied by him and hubby. I have 4 children and a mortgage to pay and my husband is so sick of all my toing and froing.
However, I feel that the community hospital if I get it is far safer even if I do start on a very low salary. I will get experience. Thanks so much if you've read my story. Please please advise me and thanks in advance!
Your first jobs are important to choose wisely. They will set the tone for how you work in the future. It should be a supportive environment that understands you are just beginning your practice and also have high caliber nurses working there so you can continue to learn from the best and not pick up bad habits. Your early experiences will contribute to what type of nurse you become so choose that investment wisely. It will pay off in the long run.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
So I should take the community hospital if I'm successful and do one or two days with agency?. Sunday night is 55euro per hour so about 60dollars per hour.
I would avoid the agency altogether. You don't want to put yourself in a position so new in your career where you could be working in unsafe conditions. Eight-twelve patients is just ridiculous, not to mention flat out dangerous.
The next time your husband pressures you, remind him that you have a license that has regulations you must adhere to; if you don't, you could lose that license, and then finances will be much more difficult.
Oh Goodness, this thread has so many layers. I am a nurse and the product of extensive mental and physical abuse. I could preach and recommend, but it never works. I can just say that your children will most likely re-enact the model and the behaviour of their parents. That is what child rearing is all about... children learn about life from their parents. You will do what you can do and life will carry on...
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Horseshoe, kooky korky and Libby, thank you for your replies and advice.
I am not sure if a lot of my issues with hubby are cultural but some definitely are. I am Irish and he is Nigerian. In the 16 years we have been together, he has ignored me in favor of his mobile phone, blanked me for days until I beg for communication and in the early days hit me until I wouldn't tolerate.
If I went to leave, he would say ok but I'm not taking my kids. We built a house as we were both working hard. That said, I have 2 degrees now as he gave me the push and encouragement I needed. He is a fantastic dad and everyone including my family love the kind and hard working man he is. He will do anything for anyone outside!!
I have social phobia, anxiety and depression. However, people say they never believe it as I loved caring for patients and laugh a lot outside. Counselling is something I've begged for us to have but he said its my fault and my problem and he will never consider it. I love him but so tired of being ignored and made to feel so stupid.
I'm so sorry for being one of those women that would tolerate this. When I was young, I was strong and very single and broad minded. What happened to me!!
I have 4 kids and seem incapable of the simplest decisions. I hate the person I've become. Weak, flaky and an idiot!!!
You are none of these thing! You were able to graduate from a nursing program under less than optimal circumstances.
Even strong women become beaten down when they're with a parter who is abusive and who demeans them.
If he won't go for counseling with you, it is imperative that you still go for counseling for yourself. You need to learn how to stand up to his abuse, and your children need to see that you are not a victim of spousal abuse. What kind of example is this life setting for them? If you have sons, is this teaching them that they can verbally abuse, perhaps even batter their wives? If you have daughters, do you want them to grow up thinking that they are nothing more than their boyfriend's/husband's punching bag?
Any man who treats you was you describe is not, not​ a fantastic father. He's a bully. Fantastic fathers treat the mothers of their children with the love and respect they deserve.
My advice is to go with your gut feeling. When I graduated from nursing school 13 years ago, I had the opportunity to work at a Magnet hospital that was a teaching hospital and had a lot of resources. I visited the unit before taking the job and something felt off, but I took the job anyway. It paid more than other hospitals. It was a Magnet hospital. It was a well-known hospital. What could be better? But, as my mother has always said... nothing is for free.
I lasted three months. It was a toxic work environment with unprofessional communication and unkind and bullying behaviors that ultimately trickled down into patient care. I was a new nurse with an idealistic view of nursing. I left every morning after the night shift distressed about what I observed within the unit and with very little control over it.
A new nurse has the primary concern of caring for their patients with knowledge from their nursing education along with the opportunity to ask questions and maneuver through resources within a facility; finding mentors and collaborating with the healthcare team. To not have this is to be lost in a sea of emotion with observations and experiences that only another kind-hearted, reflective and supportive nurse can understand and provide support and direction on your journey.
A nurse on that unit said to me, "You're not tough enough to last here". My response was, "Why would I want to be tough enough to last here? You're unkind." My mentors and classmates in my Masters program supported me and said, "Leave." "Don't I have to stay at least a year?" They stated I did not and I resigned the following week. I took a job in a small community hospital in the emergency department. I worked with nurses, physicians, techs, clerks and other auxiliary staff that were supportive and had my back. I learned how to be a confident and capable nurse with their guidance.
Today, I am an effective nurse whom knows her resources and how to advocate for patients. This was developed through a supportive work environment.
I still have an idealistic view of nursing. I've developed a philosophy that I control all that I can control. I accept the things I can not control and feel blessed others allow me into their world during difficult times. I participate in life in a way that only another nurse with a similar philosophy will understand.
I'm currently a nurse educator for an emergency department and critical care units. I also teach nursing students within an undergraduate nursing program. I tell my students to put themselves in an environment conducive to learning. Nothing in this world is worth selling our soul or putting us on the path of apathy to survive.
Think about why you became a nurse. Put yourself in an environment that supports this. It is not easy and it may take time. That is okay. Listen to nothing but your heart, gut and trusted mentors. It will lead you and you will learn from trial, error and reflection. You decide your fate and the difference you make in this profession.
I have a small group of nurse friends whom are right up my ally. They get me and I get them. They've got my back and I've got their back. We are all on the same wave length. Stay strong and find your "people". This will be found in a good working environment. Take the job that your gut agrees with...
Thanks and you are 100% right!. I did tell prince charming that I could lose my license but he told me not to be so dramatic. He maintains that if I do night shift in the hospital that it will be much easier!. He said that it would probably be much like working as a care assistant. He just doesn't understand the accountability that we as nurses carry. He just thinks I'm being lazy.
Thanks for making me see that the job next week will indeed be stable as it is permanent and pensionable. I will also be a staff nurse who will be trained and oriented by the hospital!.
Tell Prince Charming that my nurse-manager will not hire inexperienced nurses for night shift. This is because night shift has fewer resources available to said new nurses, and new nurses need help!! His belief that night shift nursing is more like assisting is just not true.
Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
Please tell me how you did it?. Did you bring your daughters or plan for long time in advance?. I need to get a job and form some savings as I have none whatsoever and start to save. You are so courageous and I am in awe of you. It must have been so hard. xx
I wish I could say that I mustered the courage to leave my ex who behaved in the manner you describe yours.
I instead mustered the courage to pursue the career path of my choosing. I didn't plan for it. I practiced avoidance, calling it compromising, and it blew up in my face.
I had no plan, no income, he tried to take my children by trying to poison them against me. Don't be like me.
Make a plan. Consult an attorney. Don't be afraid to walk away from material possessions as you will get them all back in due time as you work.
"This could be the best money you've ever walked away from."
That's what a dear friend who is an attorney told one our mutual good friends when she was going through a divorce and her ex was demanding more than she felt he was due.
You have a NURSING degree. You will be able to support yourself without this creep. Don't let money or the lack thereof keep you with this jerk.
It makes me SICK how this guy has perverted your self image. He actually has you believing you cannot live without him.
Ireland has a shortage of nurses because a few years ago there was a hiring embargo by our health board and many emigrated. After this they then started a ridiculous graduate scheme whereby newly qualified nurses were hired at only 80% of a qualified nurses pay rate and this graduate scheme was for two years. There was a mass exodus of graduate nurses who left the country and went to the United Kingdom and Australia straight after graduation. Now there is a huge shortage and nurses are not returning home.
I asked hubby to go to counselling last night as there is an organization here which I didn't know about until yesterday that gives free counselling for 6-14 sessions. Thanks to advice from here, I went online and found this resource.
His reply?. He said that if I can't see that it's me with issues than that's my own problem. He called my two elder daughters the the kitchen and told me that it was only fair that he let them know about how I'm carrying on. He said that Mummy is messing the family around and won't go to work and we are struggling. He asked if I want to stay home for good and made out he would support this in front of my girls but he would not.
After major ranting, one of my girls came to me and hugged me. I've put on 40lbs in three months and if it wasn't my kids making me get up every single day, I would have just cracked up.
I'm so annoyed at myself whinging to you all. I will pull myself together. The interview I have coming up is a smaller community hospital but it has such a lovely reputation as far as staff go. If I get it I'm taking it. Incidentally, I let the staffer know by text yesterday morning that I would not be doing agency until I get more nursing experience for the good of myself and my patients. After him trying to persuade me the previous day, his reply was - you guessed it - he completely ignored me!!. That says it all.
I am a grown woman who used to travel a lot when I was young, was independent, broad minded and free spirited. I will stop feeling sorry for myself, avoid hubby for a while and go and get this job and eventually my self confidence back. I will lose the weight again because I can and get myself some self respect. It's only me that can do it. My kids cannot see a waek Mother. I won't allow it.
I have no friends but I will make some when I start work. There are many in the world who don't have the luxury of making choices. I do. My husband even threatened to report me to my family like I'm a child!!. I left home to work at 17 years old and they have not been part of my life since then. They come to see the kids a couple of times per year but are not part of my life and he wanted to report me!!!!
I have completely digressed from my original issue on this thread but I can't thank you all enough for the priceless feedback,advice and time you have given to me here. The power is in my hands. I don't have to accept this anymore!.
I think it's a good thing that your thread turned into another topic altogether. Truth will out.
I hope you'll continue to update us and let us know how things go with the job search and with getting yourself stronger and more confident.
I definitely will keep you updated because everyone that has come on here to reply and advise me took time to do so. I am so thankful for it. My interview for the Hospital is on 22nd March and I will update after that. Thank you everyone. I really really appreciate it. xx
leighRN2
29 Posts
Your first jobs are important to choose wisely. They will set the tone for how you work in the future. It should be a supportive environment that understands you are just beginning your practice and also have high caliber nurses working there so you can continue to learn from the best and not pick up bad habits. Your early experiences will contribute to what type of nurse you become so choose that investment wisely. It will pay off in the long run.