I've had a revelation...

[MamaT]

This past Saturday, then Monday through Wednesday, I worked 12s. Hit the floor running and didn't stop. Tuesday stayed over an hour & only took 15 minutes for lunch, then Wednesday stayed an hour over and didn't take a lunch at all. Had to go in for a pow-wow with the nacho grande yesterday to discuss...get this...my 'time management issues.' At first I was completely ticked. Other nurses had been complaining that I leave stuff for them to do (I try not to, but for cryin' out loud, night shift at our facility isn't near as busy as day depending on acuity, and I wouldn't be upset if the tables were turned...it's called teamwork), and one nurse complained that I didn't help her with some admissions one of the days (that was Saturday, and again, if the tables were turned...she had the in-patinet rehab side & I had the med-surg). I could ramble about that forever, so anyway...

My boss made the comment that I like to spend too much time talking to my patients. That's when it hit me. I said "no, I must spend too much time LISTENING TO my patients." Wow. I've been a nurse just over a year, doing my obligatory med-surg rotation before I can move on...and now I know without a doubt I need to be somewhere else...somewhere where I can be the kind of nurse I'm meant to be. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I've learned that the girls I work with aren't there for me to teach me as a new nurse; they love to shoot off e-mails whenever I do something they don't like. Forget talking to me & teaching me...let the boss come down on me. I'm a sponge and want to learn everything I can, but they are holdin' onto the water.

At that point in the coversation, the boss also said that the girls say they don't feel like I'm approachable, like I act like I already know everything. BULLTWINKIES! I told her that I have been told that people are intimidated by my height (5-11). I also told her that most of the staff are immature (they are a very two-faced, gossipy bunch). I went into nursing later in life (I'm 42) and have a lot more life experience than these girls, so between my height and my self-confidence, I guess they're intimidated. But that's their problem, not mine. Self-confidence doesn't mean knowing it all...it means having the confidence to do what I'm doing, and the confidence to be shown something once, take it and go with it. I'm always asking questions of the other nurses, so I don't know how they perceive that as 'knowing it all.' Not approachable...puleeese! I'm one of the nicest people you'll ever meet...probably too nice (if you read my last post about night shift, you'll remember I'm too much of a people pleaser).

So, anyway, the boss is putting me on a 'work plan'. Whatever. I'll have to follow her timeline and show improvement by a certain date...yada yada. I actually don't care that this will be in my file, because it can always be explained as a growth spurt early in my nursing career wherein I realized who I am and where I am supposed to be. Despite never wanting to do it, I really love working med-surg...but I'm a nurturer, a comforter, I always take time to do that, and I think overall that's a pretty good downfall to have. I've always wanted to do hospice, and this is showing me that is where I need to be headed. Until then, I'll keep on being a sponge, doing my job, loving my patients, start working on my BSN...when the time is right, things will happen. Never been happier.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

i dont see cocky, either....i see up beat self realization.....an "i got it" moment......i am not wanted here.....i will find a better fit.....i all too well recognize the brainiac side of this prob....dont have the height issue...on either side....good luck and get were you need to be asap.

[Medic/Nurse, BSN, RN]

My RESPONSE: Good for you...You confident, committed and compassionate nurse. Go forth and be a nursing goddess of great care in...hospice.

Or --- (the noted response below is not one that I would do ---just an example of why nursing can be anything but "therapeutic" - come on girls, we will never get anyone to treat us with the RESPECT we deserve until we ALWAYS treat each other with RESPECT)

Mean Girl RESPONSE: Got what you deserved. That manager showed you. We can gang up and you got in trouble. WE complained and it works. We will do it again! (Folks do what works for them!) See you are an arrogant, intimidating, rotten, unorganized and slow nurse. That "plan" you have to do proves who is in charge around here.

Do NOT waste your time doing the IMPOSSIBLE. Do what you gotta do to get out with a good reference and then GO. The big mistake some make is in trying to "win" folks over or "prove" to them that you are not what "they think". Often, this just leads to great frustration and limits your opportunities for success.

I am so GLAD that you have had the revelation so early on. I am also certain that you DO NOT sound intimidating, cocky, or whatever. Time management issues - what?? I will also bet that you have been targeted a bit by a few "mean girls". Well, I'm betting that you are on your way to great things - you worked hard to get where you are - now, just give getting to where you want to be the same effort.

I think you have the making of a great hospice nurse. (Good communication, no feigned sense of urgency to avoid patient interaction, genuine interest in caring for your patients, desire to always keep learning and making your practice better...because your patients deserve it.)

Don't worry about it. Jump through the hoop with a smile (that plan thing) and know that success is the best "revenge". Folks that make trouble will always be "out there" and sometimes they make life difficult (some of 'em even have lengthy careers, can never figure that one out) - but, now that you can recognize bad behavior for what it is - you are in charge now.

Now - GET TO IT !!!!

GO be a GREAT HOSPICE NURSE. :wshgrt:

Good LUCK!!!

[MamaT]

You guys are awesome! Keep the ideas coming. I often show my silly side, my sensitive side...everything. In fact, when the PCAs have a problem, they usually come to me first because I have shown them that I listen and I care.

The one nurse in particular who complained about me is lazy and hates to do admissions...she says she a rehab nurse and refuses to take med-surg patients. Several times during one of the days in question I asked her if she needed for me to do anything. EVERY time someone asks me to do something, if I'm not in the middle of direct patient care, I stop what I'm doing and help. Teamwork is not an issue for me.

All for now...have a date with hubby tonite. :heartbeat

[xenonaut]

I don't remember implying that. Last time I checked, I was in the vast minority in a female dominated profession also.

That may be true SixFive, and I'm not saying you don't have your own interesting gender related problems to deal with because of that, but dominance issues related to the physicality of height/gender are not among them. In fact, dominance is assumed in a male, and height only underscores it because men covet height in other men. With us, it is a MUCH more complex issue.

[Rabid Response]

Although, I get the sense that you are venting more than asking for advice, I will offer some anyway:

Try not to disparage your co-workers to your manager. Calling them all "immature" will only make it seem like *you* are the one who is difficult to get along with.

Spending a lot of time in patients' rooms "listening" is nice but maybe not always the best thing for the patients. I used to have a terrible time pulling myself away from patients who wanted to talk. I've since developed a quick mental test question--"Is this therapeutic communication?" I have had to learn polite ways to excuse myself from conversations that fail the test. It is a sad fact, but there is not enough time in the day to interact to every patient's satisfaction, and so we must prioritize certain aspects of patient care.

You seem to have an answer or excuse for every criticism leveled at you by your manager. Could there not be even a grain of truth to any of it? Sometimes it's hard to hear that you are not performing up to par, particularly if you feel that you are working your hardest. Instead of denying your alleged shortcomings to management, you could instead ask for advice and support on ways to improve your performance in those specific areas.

If med-surg is not the right area for you, then by all means you should transfer somewhere that is a better fit. Unfortunately, you may find that many of the same problems you have now will follow you to another job. A little self-examination would go a long way to preventing the same issues from arising elsewhere.

[MamaT]

Actually, I thanked my boss for the session, stating that I'm open to anything that will help me be a better nurse. I openly acknowledge the things she brought to my attention and told her I would work on it.

Thanks for the therapeutic communication idea...I'll definitely give that a shot.

Bye for real this time...gotta get ready for my date. The kids are all busy tonight.

[xenonaut]

"Spending a lot of time in patients' rooms "listening" is nice but maybe not always the best thing for the patients. I used to have a terrible time pulling myself away from patients who wanted to talk. I've since developed a quick mental test question--"Is this therapeutic communication?"

Hmmm...interesting idea -- what defines "therapeutic communication?" Aren't there a lot of lonely people for whom any kind of communication is therapeutic? How do you decide that?

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

You sound like you know exactly what your doing. I wonder if your manager is planting the seed to get rid of you anyway. I hope you get out and enjoy hospice. At least in hospice you spend time with your pt's and family not to mentions the satisfaction of helping those pass on. Sounds like you'll be much more valued. Good luck and I hope you had a great date (now that those bricks are off of your shoulders)

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I agree with llg. I always get a red flag when someone is brought into management for no good reason other than the jealousy, intimidation, and cattiness of other people without any self-exmination or ownership of anything wrong, and find the truth is somewhere inbetween.

Learn from the experience and move on. Good luck!

[jeepgirl, LPN, NP]

i think it sounds a little cocky, but i also believe that the OP may be having some definite issues. are you guys telling me that you haven't worked in units where the nurses just love to shoot off emails about each other?! oh please!

[llg, PhD, RN]

i think it sounds a little cocky, but i also believe that the OP may be having some definite issues. are you guys telling me that you haven't worked in units where the nurses just love to shoot off emails about each other?! oh please!

I agree that there are probably some issues of poor behavior on the part of the OP's coworkers. Remember, I didn't take their side totally. I said that the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle -- and that the OP shouldn't let the staff's faults blind her to the fact that they might be partially right. Each side should give a little.

[leosasha]

Early on in my nursing career I noted that nursing is a lot about personalities. There is a lack of directness in dealing with issues relating to personality conflicts. Confidence and assertiveness in new nurses is not encouraged. They are often more likely to be put, " in their place ". My perception is that it is an issue of culture. Unfortunately, managers often foster the environment by not insisting that nurses deal with conflict in an adult and professional manor. I can assure you that if I have a problem with you it will be presented to you. I will not join ranks with others to feel more secure in my position. I have worked many disciplines in my career. In my opinion med/surg environments are often entrenched in this type of negative behavior. Staffing levels are often poor and nurses are very stessed. Powerlessness often leads to unproductive , acting out behaviors directed toward each other.