This past Saturday, then Monday through Wednesday, I worked 12s. Hit the floor running and didn't stop. Tuesday stayed over an hour & only took 15 minutes for lunch, then Wednesday stayed an hour over and didn't take a lunch at all. Had to go in for a pow-wow with the nacho grande yesterday to discuss...get this...my 'time management issues.' At first I was completely ticked. Other nurses had been complaining that I leave stuff for them to do (I try not to, but for cryin' out loud, night shift at our facility isn't near as busy as day depending on acuity, and I wouldn't be upset if the tables were turned...it's called teamwork), and one nurse complained that I didn't help her with some admissions one of the days (that was Saturday, and again, if the tables were turned...she had the in-patinet rehab side & I had the med-surg). I could ramble about that forever, so anyway...
My boss made the comment that I like to spend too much time talking to my patients. That's when it hit me. I said "no, I must spend too much time LISTENING TO my patients." Wow. I've been a nurse just over a year, doing my obligatory med-surg rotation before I can move on...and now I know without a doubt I need to be somewhere else...somewhere where I can be the kind of nurse I'm meant to be. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I've learned that the girls I work with aren't there for me to teach me as a new nurse; they love to shoot off e-mails whenever I do something they don't like. Forget talking to me & teaching me...let the boss come down on me. I'm a sponge and want to learn everything I can, but they are holdin' onto the water.
At that point in the coversation, the boss also said that the girls say they don't feel like I'm approachable, like I act like I already know everything. BULLTWINKIES! I told her that I have been told that people are intimidated by my height (5-11). I also told her that most of the staff are immature (they are a very two-faced, gossipy bunch). I went into nursing later in life (I'm 42) and have a lot more life experience than these girls, so between my height and my self-confidence, I guess they're intimidated. But that's their problem, not mine. Self-confidence doesn't mean knowing it all...it means having the confidence to do what I'm doing, and the confidence to be shown something once, take it and go with it. I'm always asking questions of the other nurses, so I don't know how they perceive that as 'knowing it all.' Not approachable...puleeese! I'm one of the nicest people you'll ever meet...probably too nice (if you read my last post about night shift, you'll remember I'm too much of a people pleaser).
So, anyway, the boss is putting me on a 'work plan'. Whatever. I'll have to follow her timeline and show improvement by a certain date...yada yada. I actually don't care that this will be in my file, because it can always be explained as a growth spurt early in my nursing career wherein I realized who I am and where I am supposed to be. Despite never wanting to do it, I really love working med-surg...but I'm a nurturer, a comforter, I always take time to do that, and I think overall that's a pretty good downfall to have. I've always wanted to do hospice, and this is showing me that is where I need to be headed. Until then, I'll keep on being a sponge, doing my job, loving my patients, start working on my BSN...when the time is right, things will happen. Never been happier.
