I've had a revelation...

SixFive · Sep 26, 2008

your post absolutely screams cocky/never-wrong/unapproachable to me. Maybe you don't feel that way, and you probably aren't fully like this in reality, but I learned long, long ago that perception is so important. If your coworkers (girls) feel this way, you can't just dismiss it as bs. You mentioned "girls" several times, and I can just picture you as a 42 year old being a little intimidated by the young 20-somethings running around. It would be hard not to be intimidated by somebody younger, more experienced, faster, and seemingly happier.

I have no doubt you work very hard and stay busy doing something work-related your whole shift. Sometimes managers have a hard time seeing the big picture. They are hit from up above about nurses getting out late, and they have to address it. Even though you're in the rooms consoling, listening, caring and doing everything right that you went into the field to do, management comes down on you. I hope you made it clear to your manager that you're not reading the paper, taking 20 smoke-breaks a day, etc.

Go along with the plan; don't dismiss it. Show your manager you are valuable even if you might be a little slower getting your work done. If you don't follow the plan, you'll just have more hardship with the manager.

Try to join in on casual conversations of the girls. Interject some wit as you have way more life-experience than they do. I've seen tons of solid co-worker friendships where the ages are off by 20+ years. Who knows what you might have in common?

Hope your sitaution improves, and you will get faster. Don't ever let your bedside work and what you feel important (taking care of your patients in every way) suffer for fear of getting out on time.

Good luck!

MamaT · Sep 26, 2008

There's a difference between cockiness & self-confidence. I'm not unapproachable...I greet everyone with a smile. I'm not intimidated by the 'young 20 somethings' who know more...I want to soak up what they have to offer. I plan on following the work plan and showing that I'm valuable. I don't need to get faster...I need to spend less time in patient rooms...I can get everything done just as quickly and efficiently as anyone else, and the boss told me that I am a good nurse. I always engage in conversation with the other nurses. I guess perception is everything...if you saw me face-to-face, you'd view me quite differently.

~Gentle Giant

SixFive · Sep 26, 2008

There's a difference between cockiness & self-confidence. I'm not unapproachable...I greet everyone with a smile. I'm not intimidated by the 'young 20 somethings' who know more...I want to soak up what they have to offer. I plan on following the work plan and showing that I'm valuable. I don't need to get faster...I need to spend less time in patient rooms...I can get everything done just as quickly and efficiently as anyone else, and the boss told me that I am a good nurse. I always engage in conversation with the other nurses. I guess perception is everything...if you saw me face-to-face, you'd view me quite differently.
~Gentle Giant

I view you as a nurse who cares about her patients. If your co-workers perceive you that way, however, then that perception needs to change.

I'm as tall as my username, but I've rarely encountered people feeling intimidated by me because of my height.

xenonaut · Sep 26, 2008

OMG, you and I are living parallel lives! I too, am 5'11 and 44 years old, also curious and intelligent, and have the same issues you do in workplaces. In other words, I know EXACTLY where you're coming from.

You are absolutely right, there is a HUGE difference between cockiness and self-confidence and I don't see cockiness in your post AT ALL; I see a person who knows what they carry inside them and who wants the opportunity to grow it. Too bad I'm still a BSN student, I would love to work with someone like you!

Unfortunately, the reality is that the world is full of much less confident peole who in order to make themselves look better, tear down others. I don't know why, but in every workplace I've worked at, these people are often women. Why can't we be mutually supportive, I wonder? Why do we have to be so critical of one another based on appearance, intelligence, success etc.?

Now, I'm going to do something I never do out loud which is to suggest a strategy for you that I use myself, even though theoretically I don't feel that I, nor you, should have to utilize it. That strategy is to counter our "larger than lifeness" by strategically exposing some of your flaws. This will make those other less confident "girls" feel less intimidated (again, its an ugly part of human nature that we just have to get around) and just enough superior at times to like you if that makes any sense. For example, I easily get A's in my classes, but I'm a terrible housekeeper. So, when someone is making comments about my academic success, I balance it out by being self-deprecating about the fact that I don't clean my shower weekly or something like that. Maybe not in that exact moment (it would be obvious) but relatively soon thereafter. Honesly, it's kind of an art form. Exposing my flaws within reason (can't give out too much personal info at work) makes my successes seem less hard to others -- again -- crappy human nature. I think they feel it keeps me grounded, and maybe they're right in a way, but I tend to think that people are too lazy to strive for excellence and they don't appreciate it when others do.

Anyway, just know that there are others who share your problem and it IS a problem -- to others who read this, it's NOT cockiness. I never go around bragging about myself. The height thing, exacerbates it in combination with intelligence because it underscores dominance which other women can resent. Again self-deprecation is a good strategy.

Please feel free to PM me -- we are cyber sisters in this! I wish you the best of luck -- I just know you can win them over!

Kyrshamarks, BSN, RN · Sep 26, 2008

There is a difference between self confidence and cokiness and your post does come across as cockiness. You may think you are showing self confidence but it may apper to others as being cocky. As for the emails being sent all the time, think for asecond, have those other girls tried to teach you but you did not listen/learn? they may thinki that and now this is how they have to teach you. And for time management skills ecven though you are 42, nursing does require a different set of time management skills and prioritization that other jobs may/do not. After just one year in the field no way do you have the time management skills down. I have been a nurse no gooing on 20 years and i have mine down pat but let me tell you I have seen nurses that have been doing it 3-5 years strugggiling with them still. That is the norm.

If you are not happy in med surg then by all means transfer to another department, but check first if it is an in hospital transfer most places will not let you transfer within 6 months of a counseling event.

xenonaut · Sep 26, 2008

I view you as a nurse who cares about her patients. If your co-workers perceive you that way, however, then that perception needs to change.
I'm as tall as my username, but I've rarely encountered people feeling intimidated by me because of my height.

Just curious, are you male or female? If you're male, then you can't fully understand the dynamic created between women with regard to these issues. If you're male, your height is accepted --the taller the better. If you're female, 6'5 may be the "just noticeable difference" (actually, it's probably more like 6'1) to put you in another category altogether since it is an extremely rare height for women. At 5'11, I definitely sometimes intimidate other women depending on the environment, and it has nothing to do with an inability to "play well with others" since I tend to get along well with colleagues. For example, when I worked as a secretary in my younger years for an investment bank, a client came in and assumed I was the High Yield Accounts Manager, not my boss who was about 5'5. It really t-d her off and she didn't like to bring me into meetings henceforth. Her problem, but it prevented me from learning more about the business, so it was mine as well. Unfortunately women are far more influenced by these things since they are more judgmental about appearance and less secure in a male dominated world. To imply that people aren't influenced by height as well as weight is naive in my opinion.

llg, PhD, RN · Sep 26, 2008

In my experience, the truth usually lies "somewhere in the middle" of the two extremes.

At one extreme, you can take the attitute that, "I am perfect and anyone who criticises me is wrong." At the other extreme, there are the people who take any suggestion that they need to improve as more proof that they are worthless.

Working together as a team is a 2-way street. Both sides have to give a little bit. Your co-workers' perception are probably not 100% correct, but they are probably not 100% wrong, either. They are saying that the total workload is hard to get done if one member of the team (you) doesn't do as much as the others. That is a legitimate concern -- particularly if other patients are getting sub-standard care while your patients are getting deluxe care -- or if other nurses are having to do some of your fair share of the total work.

On the other hand, they may be overly harsh in their judgments of you and/or misinterpreting some of your actions and comments. But don't let that stop you from trying to improve your time management skills. Being fast and efficient is sometimes necessary. Even though we might like to take our time and do things perfectly, sometimes it is necessary to speed things up so that everyone gets what they need.

It's great that you have had a revelation about the type of nursing you would like to do and how that differs from your current work environment. That's good information to help you plan your career. But if you are going to work on a busy med/surg unit, you will need to learn how to handle the busy assignments and do your fair share of the work -- even if that means giving less ideal care to some of the patients in order to meet the basic needs of the larger population.

llg, PhD, RN · Sep 26, 2008

Now, I'm going to do something I never do out loud which is to suggest a strategy for you that I use myself, even though theoretically I don't feel that I, nor you, should have to utilize it. That strategy is to counter our "larger than lifeness" by strategically exposing some of your flaws.

I also use this strategy. I'm not tall, but I can be intimidating and overbearing. Letting people see that I am really a goodball at times and readily acknowledging my share of weaknesses can be very helpful when used appropriately.

Vito Andolini · Sep 26, 2008

If ever there was an incentive to winning the lottery and get away from the world of work and of people, here it is.

I'm not sure, OP, why you posted. You did not ask input or advice, only shared your revelation. My question is, why wait around? Why not go to Hospice right now?

SixFive · Sep 26, 2008

Just curious, are you male or female? If you're male, then you can't fully understand the dynamic created between women with regard to these issues. If you're male, your height is accepted --the taller the better. If you're female, 6'5 may be the "just noticeable difference" (actually, it's probably more like 6'1) to put you in another category altogether since it is an extremely rare height for women. At 5'11, I definitely sometimes intimidate other women depending on the environment, and it has nothing to do with an inability to "play well with others" since I tend to get along well with colleagues. For example, when I worked as a secretary in my younger years for an investment bank, a client came in and assumed I was the High Yield Accounts Manager, not my boss who was about 5'5. It really t-d her off and she didn't like to bring me into meetings henceforth. Her problem, but it prevented me from learning more about the business, so it was mine as well. Unfortunately women are far more influenced by these things since they are more judgmental about appearance and less secure in a male dominated world. To imply that people aren't influenced by height as well as weight is naive in my opinion.

I don't remember implying that. Last time I checked, I was in the vast minority in a female dominated profession also. :cool:

BradleyRN · Sep 26, 2008

I've learned that the girls I work with aren't there for me to teach me as a new nurse; they love to shoot off e-mails whenever I do something they don't like. most of the staff are immature (they are a very two-faced, gossipy bunch).

Your post doesnt sound "cocky" at all. We have all seen the two-faced gossips who will even stab each other in the back if one is not present. Im sure many have also had the unfortunate pleasure to be on a team that doesnt want to teach the new nurses.

Your boss putting you on a "work plan" is ludicrous since high nurse/pt ratios are responsible for our "time management issues". This cant be the first time your nurse manager has dealt with this. If you could be terminated for not meeting the goal, then i would turn in my notice with enough time to get out of there before the date of the deadline. :)