It still bothers me.

[chicookie]

I don't know why but it still does. I still feel like I did nothing wrong and it still makes me super mad. This happened about 2 months ago.(*warning* long post/ story ahead)

We had a patient transferred from another hospital because they didn't want to treat her due to her refusal of blood products. She has sepsis, is on the vent and is going into multi-organ system failure. I talk to the patients nurse and she tells me its been really hard to tell the family members anything, the daughter of the patient is very distressed. So I go in there and I start talking to the daughter who is hysterically crying. I tell her that we will do what we can here, she sounded a bit mistrusting of the doctors and nurses especially with what happened at the other hospital so I told her (which was the truth) that she had the very best doctors this hospital has to offer and the nurses here are great, I honestly couldn't pick a better team. Then I said your mom is in critical condition, but I think we should be as optimistic as we can be and take it one day at a time but at the same time be ready for worst. I didn't say she is going to make it or she is going to die. I don't think I gave her any false hope at all. By then she has calmed down and was actually listening to the nurses. (I was in there for almost an hour and a half)

So I decide ok enough, I can leave now. We step outside as the nurse need to do stuff in the room and asked us to leave for a bit. I hugged the daughter and told her Remember baby steps, Ok? I am very optimistic of the care she is going to receive. I am sure that the doctors and nurses here will do everything they can for her. I will keep checking up on you as well. The daughter thanks me, and I am about to leave feeling good that I at least managed to calm her down. One of the doctors is sitting at the nurses station, stops me and says in a very angry reprimanding tone: You just set us up for failure. What you did guaranteed that the patient will not make it. She is in a very critical condition and she is going to die. The family will suffer more because of you.

The patients daughter is not even 3ft away from us, heard her clearly and starts to cry. I feel myself turn red, and I snapped and said: if I did something to offend you first off I'm sorry but next time you have something to say to me you make sure that the family members aren't right behind you. The doc turned around to see the daughter crying again and looks at me and says she didn't hear me. Refuses to look at me again. I go hug the daughter take her to the waiting room and calm her down again. I'm still super mad, so I tell my boss what happened in case this doctor says something. My coworker is good friends with this doctor and tells me oh well she was just having a bad day, she really is super nice. I told my coworker that is no excuse. You don't talk to me that way and second you don't reprimand ANYBODY in front of a patient or their family members. I've talked to a nurse and my parents about it because I was so upset, and everyone defends the doctor. My coworker says she called him but I am pretty sure he called her and he told me that yeah she was having a bad day, and that she was SURE the daughter didn't hear her. Also that she was going to call me to apologize. Surprise surprise she never called me and when I see her around she pretends I don't exist.

Fastforward 3 weeks: the patient walks out of the hospital. Goes home and is doing well. -____- She looks good dead.

I don't think I did anything wrong. I feel like I did though. Did I give the patients' family false hope? I don't think I did and I am sure I didn't set anyone up for failure. I just said that she was going to get the best care possible here. I even told the daughter to prepare for the worst. Should I have said something different? I had to deal with a similar situation recently and I found myself at a loss of what to say.

That concerns me more than that stuffy doctor. She can shove it. I just hate that she made me feel so unsure of myself. Any insight would be helpful. Even if its the doctor-was-right but as another warning those will make me . Thanks. :)

[netglow, ASN, RN]

Here is a different spin? How about your doc here is not on board with your role, not even the bloodless thing. She of course is in a rough spot having to make something happen with her resources cut. But alas, that's her problem alone. She needs to remove herself from this hospital if this program is a problem for her. She needs to get out, cause she's gonna see repeat of this again and again.

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

Did they side with the doctor in a "well, she's a good doc, cut her some slack for an outburst" way? That wouldn't mean they didn't see your side too. It also doesn't excuse the doc for rudeness or un-professional behavior. Was the doc emotional about possible inability to help the patient? Docs go through some awful stuff at such times. Mouths spew inappropriate things at such times too.

Maybe you were having some tunnel vision as others responded since you were having intense feelings about all of it? No one hears everything that's said, or always correctly interprets it or body language, in intense emotional situations.

What do YOU think you did wrong? It seems you're feeling there's something...

Personally, I think you did a good thing with the patient's relative...

[MassED, BSN, RN]

Did they side with the doctor in a "well, she's a good doc, cut her some slack for an outburst" way? That wouldn't mean they didn't see your side too. It also doesn't excuse the doc for rudeness or un-professional behavior. Was the doc emotional about possible inability to help the patient? Docs go through some awful stuff at such times. Mouths spew inappropriate things at such times too.

Maybe you were having some tunnel vision as others responded since you were having intense feelings about all of it? No one hears everything that's said, or always correctly interprets it or body language, in intense emotional situations.

What do YOU think you did wrong? It seems you're feeling there's something...

Personally, I think you did a good thing with the patient's relative...

sounds like you, as well as some other posters on this thread, are actually OK with the doctor's verbal lashing AND the support of the others on that unit. It is unacceptable, period. The support of the staff of this doctor is like they're defending a bully, ok'ing the unacceptable behavior as "but she's really nice." Nice people don't give out verbal lashings, nice people don't behave inappropriately/rudely, and nice people use their professional judgement, not the excuse of "maybe she was just having a bad day." People having a bad day can say "I'm sorry, I'm having a bad day, what about that approach did you think was helpful to the patient's daughter, etc..." It's just downright unprofessional to be lashed in any way in our environment. Ever. Well, there ARE certain circumstances, such as pure ignorance or a horrible decision when you know better.... but we're not discussing those examples.

They may not agree with the bloodless approach/choice, but that is not the OP's fault. She is just doing her job.

[tikilpn2]

You did the right thing!

Back in 2009 I delivered a premature baby who spent 5 months struggling to live in the NICU unfortunately she did not make it...however during her stay the nurses were encouraging and reinforced that they were doing everything in their power and that she had the best Dr.'s she could have..this provided me with a sense of comfort and made my nights at home a lot easier to deal with and even though my outcome did not work out in my favor, their support and comforting words made it much much easier to deal with..AGAIN you did the right thing, and don't you second guess it!:heartbeat:hug:

[merlee]

It seems like you were appropriate with the daughter.

The doc was totally INAPPROPRIATE to berate you in public. Totally. Doesn't matter what the reason was.

What does your boss have to say?

Keep your chin up, you are apparently acting appropriately in your role.

Best wishes!

[MassED, BSN, RN]

You did the right thing!

Back in 2009 I delivered a premature baby who spent 5 months struggling to live in the NICU unfortunately she did not make it...however during her stay the nurses were encouraging and reinforced that they were doing everything in their power and that she had the best Dr.'s she could have..this provided me with a sense of comfort and made my nights at home a lot easier to deal with and even though my outcome did not work out in my favor, their support and comforting words made it much much easier to deal with..AGAIN you did the right thing, and don't you second guess it!:heartbeat:hug:

:hug:I'm so sorry for your loss.

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

Maybe the dr knows she acted like an ass and is embarrassed? I at first try to talk to her and see if you can come to an agreement. She does owe you and the family an apology for her outburst. She must really think she looks like an idiot in front of the family now that the pt left the hospital. If she doesn't, she is really is full of herself.

If she doesn't want to talk, I would take it to your manager. Not to whine or tattle, but to let your manager know there is discord between you and why.

[Mulan]

You just set us up for failure. What you did guaranteed that the patient will not make it. She is in a very critical condition and she is going to die. The family will suffer more because of you.

"What you did guaranteed that the patient will not make it." How so? Please explain this sentence.

"She is in a very critical condition and she is going to die." Sounds like she is contradicting herself.

You've tried talking to her and she won't even look at you? Really "nice" and professional too!

Discussing it with your superior may give you a different perspective on it and will at least give a heads up in case something occurs again with this doc.

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

MassED, I don't think the doc was right at all. My words were trying to give a possible explanation. I don't think an explanation excuses such behavior, at all. I just tend to look for reasons.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

You did the right thing!

Back in 2009 I delivered a premature baby who spent 5 months struggling to live in the NICU unfortunately she did not make it...however during her stay the nurses were encouraging and reinforced that they were doing everything in their power and that she had the best Dr.'s she could have..this provided me with a sense of comfort and made my nights at home a lot easier to deal with and even though my outcome did not work out in my favor, their support and comforting words made it much much easier to deal with..AGAIN you did the right thing, and don't you second guess it!:heartbeat:hug:

I am so sorry for your loss........:redbeathe

OP....You did very well...you were honest, established trust, developed a rapport, didn't give false hope and laid out a treatment plan that would be in the short term be simple to follow. YOU were honest about her condition without giving false hope......I think you said it very well.

Sometimes when we feel we are inadequate in certain areas we lash out at the one who did or said something that the way we wanted to say it. Sometimes the lashing stems from feelings of inadequacy, sometimes jealously or frustration, and sometimes being mad at ourselves for our lack of eloquence in being able to deal with the situation. So instead of yelling at ourslef we yell at someone else......I'm not justifying her behavior because the MD was inapproprite is allowing herself to be heard by the family. Now there's a way to make someone develop trust.....let them hear you talk about them or argue with other team members.

Did you ever tell your manager aboiut the family over hearing the MD? Did they do anything?

[chicookie, BSN, RN]

Thanks everyone!

She is actually one of our cooperative doctors, she supports the program and takes on many of our patients. Has never had a complaint or at least made it known to us. When I explained it to others the comments I would get were along the lines of either she had a bad day or she knows what she was doing

I normally wouldn't let something like this bother me but for some reason it has really become a thorn in my side. I also am guessing that maybe because I did not get the support I wanted to get maybe that is why I am second guessing myself so much. I'm also a very black and white type of person. I either did good or I didn't, so in this situation I can't really tell if I did or not.

My boss, while very supportive of me and that day let me take a break, said to let it go and he also said that if it became an issue, he would support me.

Thanks again everyone. I feel a lot better. Maybe I can finally let this go. I hate carrying negative energy like that.

[HDHRN]

I think you did everything right. Reading a story like this makes me remember what nursing is all about. While I've only been an LPN going on 2 years, I've seen a lot out in the field. It's all about respect and compassion. I think those are two things a nurse needs and you def have those qualities. I hope you can find peace with this sitituation. Good luck :heartbeat