Is it worth it to keep trying? Desperate for answers!

Published

Specializes in OB/GYN & Med/Surg.

i'll try to keep this brief, but even if it's not, please bear with me! i neeeeed some answers!!!

after finishing nursing school, i passed the nclex with 75 questions the 1st time around. i was elated.... but then i met the real world, with my airheaded self. my problem has always been that i am very book smart, but common sense dumb. in the 2 short years since i graduated, i have been fired from all 3 nursing jobs i've had - all for bad nursing judgement errors in short. for example, i can hear about a certain situation (emergent or otherwise) and know exactly what to do. but then if i see the exact same situation in front of my eyes, i draw a blank and feel like an utter retard. without trying hard, i can think of a minimum of 5 people whose lives have been in grave danger, due to my bad "nursing judgement." two of those people were a pregant patient and her baby. thankfully, none of my errors have actually caused harm (!!!!), but i am tormented by the fears about the "next time."

[color=#483d8b]

[color=#483d8b]after i was fired from my 3rd nursing job, i began to wonder if "third strike, you're out" wasn't meant to fit in my case too. when my license came up for renewal a month later, i let it expire on purpose. i had told my mom (who also so happens to be an rn) that i would rather get out of nursing than ever put someone's life in danger again.

[color=#483d8b]

[color=#483d8b]then a few days ago, while out on a job that has nothing to do with the medical field, a man in the same general area collapsed in an epileptic seizure. i only knew he had fallen and found out the details later, after ems had already arrived. (others closer to him took over till ems got there.) i then heard that he had hit his head, and that he said he never had a seizure before. i kept watching the emts, waiting for them to start neuro checks... but i didn't ever see them doing anything that would check his neurological status. the nurse in me wanted to go over there and ask them if they knew what they were doing... but then i felt too ashamed, since who am i? i can't say i'm a nurse anymore, because technically i'm not.

[color=#483d8b]

[color=#483d8b]ever since that day - and actually before that, but especially since that day, i am tortured by the thoughts of going back into the nursing field. i loved being a nurse. i can't help but remember that i wasn't a bad nurse every time i went to work. there were many days i did a very good job, and was able to watch with excitement, patients that got better, at least in part, due to my efforts. there were even emergency situations in which i made the correct decisions and knew i did a good job when my shift was over. but then every time i think of trying to go back into nursing, i think, who is going to want to hire me? finding out i've been fired from all 3 jobs i've had as a nurse doesn't inspire much confidence, does it? how can i make people believe in me when i don't even believe in myself? and worse yet, how long will i be in the next job before i make another bad decision that costs someone dearly? then too, i think, am i being selfish by wanting soooo badly to get back into nursing, knowing it could cost someone their very life?

[color=#483d8b]

[color=#483d8b]i can't tell you (whoever reads this) how much i have cried and cried over this... even now, my eyes water, after i have already cried before writing this post. i want sooooooo badly to be a nurse! but i don't want to just be a nurse - i want to be an awesome nurse! i can go to friends or even non-nurse family to ask their opinion, but many times i feel like they don't fully understand what i'm talking about. that's why i wanted to write this post... so "peers" can tell me if it's possible to be an airhead and a good nurse at the same time. even more so, i need to know if it's possible to overcome my past and prove to myself that i'm not as much a failure as i think i am.

[color=#483d8b]

[color=#483d8b]does this all make sense? please, any replies are helpful! i'm desperate for answers! thank you!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Global Health Informatics, MNCH.

Hi,

I personally have never worked in a hospital, never plan to, and do think I would be good at it. I have no interest in working in a high pressure environment. Maybe you have the same issue? Have you thought about working in other fields of nursing like community health or research where your books smarts would work great and you wouldn't have to think so much "on your toes" so to speak.

There was an article published recently in Advance on public health nursing: Public Health Nursing on ADVANCE for Nurses

I'm currently working per diem at a community health center while I get my PhD in nursing. I absolutely love what I do. There are lots of avenues to take in nursing. I think you just need to find the right one for you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.

I totally agree with Mission. Maybe the hospital stuff isn't for you. Try another avenue, maybe. Something that isn't so high pressured to react quickly.

Good luck and renew your license. :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych.

I think you already have your answer. You "LOVED being a nurse". God / the universe closed a door (because that's not the path you're meant to be heading down), but has opened a window somewhere. Listen to your inner voice and you'll find it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Your story was very touching. I can hear your passion for nursing. Sometimes when things are really difficult it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Please remain positive. I wish you all the best.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I agree with the above posters, and renew your license... You can do it. I am getting back into nursing after being out for 7 years, I truly feel nursing is my calling, and yes it is hard,but worth it. You sound like a caring,compassionate person. Feel free to pm me, would love to chat with ya

GOOD LUCK

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I agree with the others. Don't give up on it. There are plenty of places where you can work, that wouldn't be as intense as a hospital. That's the beauty of this field. And maybe once you gain experience and confidence in a less stressful environment, you can go back to the hospital, if that's what you desire.

And you can also take some refresher courses, and practice case studies on your own, to help you review some of the basics. Maybe this time around, since you have had a break and had time to reflect, you will be more receptive, and be able to react more quickly and think before you act.

Hope it all works out for you!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

First, stop beating up and being so hard on yourself. The fact you made it through nursing school and passed the boards is a feat in of itself, and deserves a pat on the back.

What you must now do is find your niche in the nursing profession, a place where not only do you feel comfortable, but will allow you to flourish and thrive.

Hospital nursing today can be a very intense place, with very little room or tolerance for errors and or short comings. Of course patient saftey comes first and foremost, but in today's legal happy society, many hospitals just aren't willing to "babysit" a nurse they feel isn't up to standards, no matter how much potential she may show.

OTHO, you say you were terminated for major mistakes and or poor judgement. It can take some time newly licensed RN to develop the skills required by today's hospitals. Some pick up these things quicker than others, and everyone goes at their own pace, or at least should.

What were your evaluations like in nursing school? Are you making the same sort of errors pointed out by your instructors? Can you reach out to someone from your nursing school about going in for a serious heart to heart chat? What you really should do is have an experienced but unbiased nurse look over all your termination notices and employment evals to see what is going on.

There is a world of difference between being thick as mud, and just inexperienced or lacking in confidence. The later can often be corrected with time and patience, while a solution for the former is harder to come by.

In the "old days", a new RN at a hospital that was determined by evals during her orientation to be lacking, was often sent to or advised to seek employment in something slower paced, such as a nursing home. There the pace was slower and with careful and patient nurturing by more experienced nurses, she would find her groove.

As for being "book smart", don't sell yourself short on that score either. Have known many a GN or newly licensed RN who arrived on the floors able to quote Lippincot, Saunders and Mosby chapter and verse, but were neither use nor ornament otherwise.

Finally, if you are a person of faith, would advise you to pray about the matter. Sometimes we are so focused on doors being closed we don't see the open windows.

Best wishes,

DGTG

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Acute Care.

it does sound like nursing is where you definitely belong in some facet, but...

:igtsyt:

but then if i see the exact same situation in front of my eyes, i draw a blank and feel like an utter retard.

...an "utter retard" wouldn't draw a blank about the situation, just think through the process a little more slowly. this is my nice way to to hint to you that your use of terminology blows.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

If you love nursing that much you should try to find an area in nursing that is right for you while you are still getting experience. There are soooo many different things you can do in nursing. I would renew your license if thats what you really want to do and maybe try to look at what you made mistakes on and do your best to do better next time. All you can do is your best! I would def go to a LTC facility. It is a lot less pressure for a new nurse.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Med-SURG,STICU.
If you love nursing that much you should try to find an area in nursing that is right for you while you are still getting experience. There are soooo many different things you can do in nursing. I would renew your license if thats what you really want to do and maybe try to look at what you made mistakes on and do your best to do better next time. All you can do is your best! I would def go to a LTC facility. It is a lot less pressure for a new nurse.

I am sorry but you are WRONG. I have worked in both the nursing home and the hospital and the nursing home is just as stressful as the hospital. Have any of you nurses that are telling this person to go to the nursing home because it is slower paced worked in a nursing home for any amount of time? These residents are sicker, living longer and demanding more from healthcare than ever before. You are on your own there too. No doctors in the building. You are the RT also. Rapid response team hello that is me and the CNAs that I am working with that day.

However I will say this much you will learn a lot and fast. You will learn to assess you residents quickly because having 30 or more residents you have to do everything quickly. You will learn a lot of your drugs very well. You learn to multi-task and prioritize like a pro. In these respects I would suggest that you work in a nursing home. However if you are looking for a slower pace don't work in a nursing home.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in oncology.

Its ok. Many have told me to not beat myself up, so i'm going to tell you the same. "dont beat yourself up" It's all a learning process. Ive experienced the freeze up as you are describing and when that happens, my entire day is just chaotic. Im late for signing off orders, late for meds, preceptor is on watching you go through all this. and the only thing that you can think, is 'crap...im doing awful because i froze up, and now my preceptor isnt happy and this is totally going to go on my record. and that just makes it even worse.....' At least you were able to find anther job in the hospital. It's so hard for gn's to get a job in the hospital and thats where most of the experience is obtained. It's been about a month of being unemployeed for me, and I don't think I would have been able to survive in the hospital. You should renew your license and try to find a job in a like a physician office, home health, or a SNF. Those are the ones that I'm trying for. Keeping my fingers crossed and I hope you return to the nursing field. It's okay to be scared. the best part of nursing as a career, is that you can do anything. it's the only career that provides so many different environments to work in.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion