i'll try to keep this brief, but even if it's not, please bear with me! i neeeeed some answers!!!
after finishing nursing school, i passed the nclex with 75 questions the 1st time around. i was elated.... but then i met the real world, with my airheaded self. my problem has always been that i am very book smart, but common sense dumb. in the 2 short years since i graduated, i have been fired from all 3 nursing jobs i've had - all for bad nursing judgement errors in short. for example, i can hear about a certain situation (emergent or otherwise) and know exactly what to do. but then if i see the exact same situation in front of my eyes, i draw a blank and feel like an utter retard. without trying hard, i can think of a minimum of 5 people whose lives have been in grave danger, due to my bad "nursing judgement." two of those people were a pregant patient and her baby. thankfully, none of my errors have actually caused harm (!!!!), but i am tormented by the fears about the "next time."
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[color=#483d8b]after i was fired from my 3rd nursing job, i began to wonder if "third strike, you're out" wasn't meant to fit in my case too. when my license came up for renewal a month later, i let it expire on purpose. i had told my mom (who also so happens to be an rn) that i would rather get out of nursing than ever put someone's life in danger again.
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[color=#483d8b]then a few days ago, while out on a job that has nothing to do with the medical field, a man in the same general area collapsed in an epileptic seizure. i only knew he had fallen and found out the details later, after ems had already arrived. (others closer to him took over till ems got there.) i then heard that he had hit his head, and that he said he never had a seizure before. i kept watching the emts, waiting for them to start neuro checks... but i didn't ever see them doing anything that would check his neurological status. the nurse in me wanted to go over there and ask them if they knew what they were doing... but then i felt too ashamed, since who am i? i can't say i'm a nurse anymore, because technically i'm not.
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[color=#483d8b]ever since that day - and actually before that, but especially since that day, i am tortured by the thoughts of going back into the nursing field. i loved being a nurse. i can't help but remember that i wasn't a bad nurse every time i went to work. there were many days i did a very good job, and was able to watch with excitement, patients that got better, at least in part, due to my efforts. there were even emergency situations in which i made the correct decisions and knew i did a good job when my shift was over. but then every time i think of trying to go back into nursing, i think, who is going to want to hire me? finding out i've been fired from all 3 jobs i've had as a nurse doesn't inspire much confidence, does it? how can i make people believe in me when i don't even believe in myself? and worse yet, how long will i be in the next job before i make another bad decision that costs someone dearly? then too, i think, am i being selfish by wanting soooo badly to get back into nursing, knowing it could cost someone their very life?
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[color=#483d8b]i can't tell you (whoever reads this) how much i have cried and cried over this... even now, my eyes water, after i have already cried before writing this post. i want sooooooo badly to be a nurse! but i don't want to just be a nurse - i want to be an awesome nurse! i can go to friends or even non-nurse family to ask their opinion, but many times i feel like they don't fully understand what i'm talking about. that's why i wanted to write this post... so "peers" can tell me if it's possible to be an airhead and a good nurse at the same time. even more so, i need to know if it's possible to overcome my past and prove to myself that i'm not as much a failure as i think i am.
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[color=#483d8b]does this all make sense? please, any replies are helpful! i'm desperate for answers! thank you!
Here's what I would do if I were in your situation:
- take a nursing refresher course with a big clinical componet. This will help with your skills AND your confidence. It's kind of like a safe place to ease you back into nursing.
- look into non hospital positions. You sound like you would really like community health. I followed a community health nurse around and she loved what she did! She worked 6 months in the hospital and did community for, like, 10 years. Look for government jobs like Department of Elder Affairs, or a vaccine program nurse. They have community nurses who do everything from school nursing, working with the elderly, doing pregnancy education, organizing health fairs, etc.
If you dont like working with sick people then dont! There are PLENTY of healthy people who desperately need a nurse to keep them healthy and OUT of a hospital!
there are SO MANY ways to be a nurse, too many new nurses bite off more than they can chew, usually working in a hospital. sounds like a doc office, hh, teaching, etc would be a better fit for you.
Specializes in CT stepdown, hospice, psych, ortho.
there are SO MANY ways to be a nurse, too many new nurses bite off more than they can chew, usually working in a hospital. sounds like a doc office, hh, teaching, etc would be a better fit for you.
I agree that you should jump back in and find something you love and that you are meant for...don't know that HH is it. You can have very sick home health patients that really could be hospice but family or the patient isn't ready for it, I have sent a fair amount of them to the hospital. Normally there is not a lot of stress, per se, but a lot of clinical judgement. You are the doctor's eyes and ears and if something isn't quite right you've got to act on it and if you miss something and they end up in the hospital over something you could have possibly caught or prevented, there are ramifications with your employer, with medicare, and with your credibility with the doctor and patient/family. HH is not something I recommend to anyone that hasn't got a good background in med surg and wound care and maybe some psych too because you dont have the luxury of having another nurse take a look at something you aren't sure about
Best of luck to you, I'm sure you're going to find your niche and be a super nurse.
Don't be too hard on yourself...hospital nursing may not be for you. A couple of nurses that I graduated with didn't like hospital nursing (due to the high pressure environment) and left to work in other fields like infusion therapy, community health, and in doctor's offices. You could also go further in your education and get into research or teaching. Relaying your story to other future nurses as a teacher is a great way to show students that there are many avenues that a nurse could pursue.
Please renew your license. No matter what field of nursing you are in, we need nurses with your enthusiasm who are willing to learn. Good luck with everything!!
Have you ever considered the possibility that you may have ADD or ADHD? I'm just throwing that out there because you said you were making stupid mistakes and missing things, so maybe it's a lack of ability to focus? Just a thought.
If someone lets their nursing license lapse and doesn't renew it, does that person have to re-take the NCLEX before being allowed to gain licensure again? Just wondering......
PureLifeRN
149 Posts
Here's what I would do if I were in your situation:
- take a nursing refresher course with a big clinical componet. This will help with your skills AND your confidence. It's kind of like a safe place to ease you back into nursing.
- look into non hospital positions. You sound like you would really like community health. I followed a community health nurse around and she loved what she did! She worked 6 months in the hospital and did community for, like, 10 years. Look for government jobs like Department of Elder Affairs, or a vaccine program nurse. They have community nurses who do everything from school nursing, working with the elderly, doing pregnancy education, organizing health fairs, etc.
If you dont like working with sick people then dont! There are PLENTY of healthy people who desperately need a nurse to keep them healthy and OUT of a hospital!
Or what about psych?
:) big hugs!