insensitive ED Doc

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I spent a evening earlier this week in the ED, while I was only a couple of weeks pregnant I started cramping and bleeding heavy. SO while in the room the doctor after running my Hcg levels which was only 25.5 told me that I was only a little bit pregnant and went on and on about how 1 in 5 pregnant women have a miscarriage and on and on. I was also told by this doctor that since I am only 20 years old it was not as bad as if I was 40 and had been trying to get pregnant. Now I understand that yes this happens because of nature but what would make anyone think that by telling me it's not as sad for me to have a miscarraige but it would be if I was 40! :angryfire

I understand that yes if I was 40 it probably would be more upsetting but why would you tell anyone this?

Just needed to vent because with everything going on with me that day I was appauld that anyone would think that information was comforting.

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Specializes in Education, FP, LNC, Forensics, ED, OB.
I spent a evening earlier this week in the ED, while I was only a couple of weeks pregnant I started cramping and bleeding heavy. SO while in the room the doctor after running my Hcg levels which was only 25.5 told me that I was only a little bit pregnant and went on and on about how 1 in 5 pregnant women have a miscarriage and on and on. I was also told by this doctor that since I am only 20 years old it was not as bad as if I was 40 and had been trying to get pregnant. Now I understand that yes this happens because of nature but what would make anyone think that by telling me it's not as sad for me to have a miscarraige but it would be if I was 40! :angryfire

I understand that yes if I was 40 it probably would be more upsetting but why would you tell anyone this?

Just needed to vent because with everything going on with me that day I was appauld that anyone would think that information was comforting.

I am so sorry that this insensitive physician handled the situation the way he did. You are correct......it does not matter what age you are. He has a bedside manner of a brick wall. The word "jerk" also comes to mind to describe him.

I hope you are o.k. now. You did not say how you are. Please know we care and are here for you. :icon_hug:

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Specializes in Orthosurgery, Rehab, Homecare.

What a Tool. . . !

I'm sorry for your experience. Maybe a note to the director of emergency services would open his eyes to his insensitivity in such situations. Some men are all logic and no emotion.

~Jen

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i think it will be unanimous that the doctor was an insensitive a$$.

i'm sorry this happened to you, for your loss and this jerk you had at the bedside.

i agree that a letter to tptb is in order, describing your loss and the md's stone cold blurb that only served to worsen an already tragic situation.

my heart goes out to you.

leslie

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I sippose he thought that would make you feel better or else he was 'running the nimbers' in his mind- either way, he was rude.

We had two docs at the station- one OB and one a non-OB doing a consult. The non-OB said something about knowing the pt, that the pt had had fert tx, and how it was 'a premium pregnancy' to which the OB replied "All ours are premium pregnancies." Yay.

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Specializes in Operating Room.

I'm wondering if the Dr. was a "he". Either way, it's obvious he/she has never dealt with a miscarriage on a personal level (herself/his wife).

What a careless, rude thing to say to somone. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I've had 2 miscarriages, and neither were easy to get through. As soon as you are used to being pregnant, and all that entails, you have to switch your emotions around to try to get used to not being pregnant, etc.

I hope you are doing ok, physically and mentally. :icon_hug:

I sippose he thought that would make you feel better or else he was 'running the nimbers' in his mind- either way, he was rude.

We had two docs at the station- one OB and one a non-OB doing a consult. The non-OB said something about knowing the pt, that the pt had had fert tx, and how it was 'a premium pregnancy' to which the OB replied "All ours are premium pregnancies." Yay.

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Specializes in ER.

Ok, I am an ER nurse, so here are my thoughts...maybe the way the doctor said what he said to you was insensitive, but what he said I don't think was necessarily out of line....We VERY often see women preg vag bleeding...some are having a miscarriage, some are not...we often use the reassurance that yes we are sorry you are having to go through this...however the fact that you are 20 and the potential for you to get pregnant again because you are still young is much greater than say a 40 year old...we may not use exact ages, however we often use that as a tool in young people. The other piece of this is...and don't take this the wrong way, because it doesn't excuse the fact you felt the doc was being insensitive, but I can tell you first hand, that many many many of our young pregnant bleeding patients that we deal with could care less they are having a miscarriage, and actually I often get told that it saves them the trouble of having to have an abortion...I work in an Urban ER that has a pregnancy population with an average age range from 12-32 with the majority in the 18 and under population...so when we actually get someone that is truly upset that they are having a miscarriage, we are all a little touched...So I apologize you feel you were treated inappropriately, and I am sorry for your loss, and hopefully you will be feeling better soon.

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If any ER providers are using this as a tool with young women having miscarriages, they are obviously uneducated and untrained for these situations. It IS out of line. It IS NOT helpful.

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Specializes in Utilization Management.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Perhaps the term "miscarriage" doesn't do justice to the fact that this is a loss of a life and you need to grieve it, not hear platitudes.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

wow wrong way to handle you....having had multiple losses I can relate.

so MANY don't know what to say to you----or what to do. They don't get it was the loss of a CHILD and a DREAM for you.........when you do indeed miscarry. And the THREAT of miscarriage is horrible, too. We all could do better to be very sensitive to such issues.

I like some of the suggestions above. You can write a letter. This would probably help, if you feel strong enough to do so.

Yes, This was very insensitive. I am so sorry for all you have been through and how you were treated. I have definately been there, done that. PM me if you need more personalized help/story.

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Specializes in ER.
If any ER providers are using this as a tool with young women having miscarriages, they are obviously uneducated and untrained for these situations. It IS out of line. It IS NOT helpful.

Actually I hugely disagree, i think every patient is an individual...and what may be insensitive to one person, can be very helpful to another...I have 2 very close friends that a similar situation happened to, both very upset about their miscarriages, one of them found it very helpful and comforting to know that she was still young and had more opportunity...it does help some people...but it really is all in the approach.

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I don't think it's ever appropriate in the ER when a woman is actively miscarrying. Of course in the future a woman will be glad if she can have more children, but at the time of the miscarriage of a wanted pregnancy I think that comment coming from a healthcare provider is dismissive, disrespectful, insensitive and crass. How on earth would a health care provider who has known a woman for a few hours have any idea how this would be received? This isn't your friend that you've known for years. This is a stranger. As such it makes sense to try to avoid making comments that MANY women will take as hurtful.

I would be mortified if anyone in my institution ever said that. This is exactly why some hospitals won't put women who have experienced fetal demises on med-surg floors.

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