I spent a evening earlier this week in the ED, while I was only a couple of weeks pregnant I started cramping and bleeding heavy. SO while in the room the doctor after running my Hcg levels which was only 25.5 told me that I was only a little bit pregnant and went on and on about how 1 in 5 pregnant women have a miscarriage and on and on. I was also told by this doctor that since I am only 20 years old it was not as bad as if I was 40 and had been trying to get pregnant. Now I understand that yes this happens because of nature but what would make anyone think that by telling me it's not as sad for me to have a miscarraige but it would be if I was 40! :angryfire
I understand that yes if I was 40 it probably would be more upsetting but why would you tell anyone this?
Just needed to vent because with everything going on with me that day I was appauld that anyone would think that information was comforting.
The comment that jumped out at me was "you are just a little bit pregnant". Huh?
I like the comment that all pregnancies are "premium" . . . :)
I agree that just because we don't hear that someone was hurt or offended by our behaviour or comments doesn't mean they weren't hurt or offended. When you are in a vulnerable state, you may not have the wherewithal to respond.
One of the things I've learned from studies about grieving is that others shouldn't offer platitudes like "It was God's Will" or "you can try again" or "you are young and have other chances". In fact I think that was covered in some social work class I took 20-odd years ago. :)
On the flip side, those of us hurting need to remember that people are just trying to help and find these kinds of circumstances difficult and may say or do the wrong things without malice.
As an ER nurse in a rural area I can say that I haven't had a case such as mammatrauma but that doesn't mean they don't exist. We all know that our experiences as nurses differ . . .. it does help though to come here and read different perspectives and learn from one another and I appreciate that.
It would appear that some ER doctors don't know what to say, when this occurs and maybe that is the best he had. One statistic that I have heard an ER dr use in these situations are that 50% of first pregnancies end in miscarriages. (not sure if that one was true) but would that one have felt better? (doubt it) My question is what does this guy tell the 40 yr olds?
On a personal note, when I was preg with my 4th at the age of 44, at 8 weeks I passed a clot the size of a sausage pattie (well, that was the size!),it had grey tissue in it and it looked like a miscarriage to me. I took it to the ER and the Doogie Houser looking er dr looked at it and said looks like a miscarriage to me but not sure, sent it to path. He spoke to my OB who called me in am, said I am not sure you have had a miscarriage come in monday am for an ultrasound, sure enough, monday am little peanut was still firmly implanted, she took a picture, I was very happy they did not give the drug to facilitate a miscarriage, because at 44, believe me the statistics don't look bleaker. Today my son is 3.
Getting back to you and your situation, I hope you have an ultrasound before they give you anything to hasten the miscarriage, and from my perspective, I would have looked at it a lot differently at 20 than I did at 44, waiting all weekend for the ultrasound on monday. I hope and pray for you many fertile days and many healthy babies in your future. You deserve them.
Thank you all for your words of wisdom. while no I did not recieve any drugs to complete the miscarraige or an ultrasound since my Hcg level was so low. I did go back to my doctors office on wednesday and was told my Hcg levels had went almost back down to normal and that I should be fine. I don't know that anything at that point that the doctor or anyone else could say to me could or would of been constructive to me. While I was not trying to get pregnant and it came as a huge shock it still hurt. And I to know girls who welcomed a miscariage so they would not have to pay for an abortion. While the doctor quoted statistics of 1 in 5 and most women....... all I wanted was for someone to say "I'm sorry for your loss." I don't believe he (the doctor) knew what to say I just don't think that should be said to someone who was visably upset. I also think that if I was older and trying to get pregnant yes it would or could of been worse. I could of been further along, but I still can't agree with the way it was said and when. I keep thinking when your patient dies or when a friend dies even if they were older and led a full life you wouldn't tell their family after they died in a unexpected accident, that accidents are one of the leading causes of death or some other mindless comment. Your first response would be I am sorry for your loss. at least thats what I think most people would say first.
But thanks for your comments and for listening. And hopefully I'll have many babies in the future. :)
I'm sorry for your experience. Maybe a note to the director of emergency services would open his eyes to his insensitivity in such situations. Some men are all logic and no emotion.
Wow! I feel that a life is a life, no matter how small. Would it have been appropriate for him to use that wording if it were your child on life support?
"He was only a little bit alive. You're young, you can have more."
Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN
11,305 Posts
The comment that jumped out at me was "you are just a little bit pregnant". Huh?
I like the comment that all pregnancies are "premium" . . . :)
I agree that just because we don't hear that someone was hurt or offended by our behaviour or comments doesn't mean they weren't hurt or offended. When you are in a vulnerable state, you may not have the wherewithal to respond.
One of the things I've learned from studies about grieving is that others shouldn't offer platitudes like "It was God's Will" or "you can try again" or "you are young and have other chances". In fact I think that was covered in some social work class I took 20-odd years ago. :)
On the flip side, those of us hurting need to remember that people are just trying to help and find these kinds of circumstances difficult and may say or do the wrong things without malice.
As an ER nurse in a rural area I can say that I haven't had a case such as mammatrauma but that doesn't mean they don't exist. We all know that our experiences as nurses differ . . .. it does help though to come here and read different perspectives and learn from one another and I appreciate that.
To the OP, I'm very sorry about your loss.
steph