Indiscriminate Empathy?

[tothepointeLVN, LVN]

This is something that has bothered me since my very first day of nursing school. It's a situation that comes up over and over again. When ever a person who self identifies as a nurse disagrees with something in a non work context like the internet the go to offensive is to label that person as a horrible nurse because they don't empathize with each and every individual and situation on the planet. In other words empathy for all no matter what the situation.

So the question is why? You can still be disagreeable and a wonderful empathetic nurse to your patients and coworkers. Disagreeing is not a bad thing. Florence herself was very opinionated and "disagreeable."

So why is "I wouldn't want you as my nurse" the go to defense? (And yes I've used it too)

[itsmejuli]

Because the internet is anonymous.

[tothepointeLVN, LVN]

True but when I was in nursing school it was thrown around a lot. "I don't like salsa on my tacos." "Well I would hate to have you as my nurse." LOL

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

I have a duty to be professional and impartial. I don't have to empathize (or sympathize) with anyone.

[leslie :-D]

because if you're not with me, you're against me.

simple as that - now be gone from my sight.

iow, lots of very shallow people out there.

be grateful that you are an person that has independent thoughts...

and doesn't need to be carbon copies of everyone else.

leslie :)

[metal_m0nk, BSN, RN]

I don't consider being disagreeable and being empathetic to be mutually exclusive. I can empathize with a situation and still disagree with the actions or context. I empathize with most everything, really. But I certainly don't agree with everything.

I tend to flat out ignore people who make those kinds of connections because I know they don't mean anything - they are usually used for the sole purpose of shaming someone into conceding a point.

[tothepointeLVN, LVN]

I don't consider being disagreeable and being empathetic to be mutually exclusive. I can empathize with a situation and still disagree with the actions or context. I empathize with most everything, really. But I certainly don't agree with everything.

Agree x1,000,000

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

"I wouldn't want you as my nurse" cuts to the very core of our self image.

Whoever throws that out during any disagreement knows this.. and it's a cheap shot.

Unconditional positive regard is an ideal , not a reality.

[ZenLover, MSN, RN, NP]

I think it is more about respect than empathy. You don't have to empathize or agree with someone to respect them as a professional. I also think statements like "I wouldn't want you as my nurse" are catty. I have been guilty of saying it, but your question has made me think and I won't be saying it again. Even if I honestly feel it to be true because someone behaved that badly, I think I can have enough respect for them and myself to keep that kind of talk at home. Leave it up to supervisors to deal with bad behavior, not for me as a student to judge like that...and I don't want to take the chance on possibly being apart of workplace bullying, etc.

[sauconyrunner]

the only person that I know 100% of the time I would not being my nurse, is the nurse that fails to wash hands...

[nursel56]

In my experience the percentage of who make comments like that tends to drop as their experience level increases. Most of the people who scold others that way are not nurses. Usually their minds are dominated by an ideal that is also what gives them the motivation to trade in their time and money for a chance to do the job, so it's at least understandable.

That doesn't make it appropriate, though. Nursing is unique in that so many people feel free to opine on subjects they know nothing about. As we were talking about in another thread, that wouldn't fly in many other occupations like law, medicine, and law enforcement.

[Tragically Hip]

I don't consider being disagreeable and being empathetic to be mutually exclusive. I can empathize with a situation and still disagree with the actions or context. I empathize with most everything, really. But I certainly don't agree with everything.

I don't understand that statement. Do you mean you can empathize, truly empathize with someone, feeling what they feel the way they feel it?

I don't think "empathy" is the right word here. I think we're talking about agreement. The "you disagree with me so you're completely worthless" syndrome is visible all over the Internet, and before that, all over talk radio. Nurses (or alleged nurses) who talk about other nurses are part of the larger society.

Take a look at the unmoderated comment section following news stories on local newspaper and TV station news Web sites for a strident example of that.

Mix anger, lack of context, lack of facial expressions and body language, and anonymity, and this is what you get — little activity in the executive (inhibitory) areas of the brain.