This is something that has bothered me since my very first day of nursing school. It's a situation that comes up over and over again. When ever a person who self identifies as a nurse disagrees with something in a non work context like the internet the go to offensive is to label that person as a horrible nurse because they don't empathize with each and every individual and situation on the planet. In other words empathy for all no matter what the situation.
So the question is why? You can still be disagreeable and a wonderful empathetic nurse to your patients and coworkers. Disagreeing is not a bad thing. Florence herself was very opinionated and "disagreeable."
So why is "I wouldn't want you as my nurse" the go to defense? (And yes I've used it too)
In my experience the percentage of who make comments like that tends to drop as their experience level increases. Most of the people who scold others that way are not nurses. Usually their minds are dominated by an ideal that is also what gives them the motivation to trade in their time and money for a chance to do the job, so it's at least understandable.
That doesn't make it appropriate, though. Nursing is unique in that so many people feel free to opine on subjects they know nothing about. As we were talking about in another thread, that wouldn't fly in many other occupations like law, medicine, and law enforcement.
Great example of what I meant when I said that empathy and disagreement are not mutually exclusive. You understand why someone might use the tactic because you are able to objectively analyze the impetus behind it, but you are also able to recognize that it is inappropriate.
People who cry empathy because their perceptions are dominated by the ideal without benefit of experience reveal their own lack of empathy for those who have experienced. That is why I tend to ignore them.
I think, for the most part, it depends on what you disagree on. We all know that politics and religion are big hot-topic issues (they say you should never talk about either one on a first date). However, with dating, theses ARE things that I think are important to hash out early on (maybe not the first date, but before it gets serious). But, we're not developing long-lasting intimate relationships with our patients, so things like that should not really matter... but they do. I think it's absurd, but it's reality. Sports, tv, people on reality shows, fashion, music. Variety makes us who we are: individuals. It makes for good conversation. My hubby and I are both sports fans, but are strongly opposed on teams for one of our sports. If we are wearing opposing jerseys and are out in public, people get nervous for us, and think we're going to start fighting about it. It's actually amusing, we love the reactions we get :) One if his friends wouldn't come near me (when we first started dating) if I was wearing my gear. Really? Yes, really.
Remember in nursing school, how we handle the topic of spirituality so gingerly? It gets to the point where you don't know how to answer those questions on the exam (at least my students always struggle with them). There are people who feel so strongly about their religion, and politics, that they seriously cannot bear to have any relationship with someone who does not share their beliefs.
I grew up with a very opinionated mother (she still is). She has trouble with people who do not fit the picture of "normal". Her opinions, for the most part, are based primarily on aesthetics. She doesn't have strong political or religious opinions, but if you have a tattoo or weird piercings, or an unconventional hairdo, she would not want you as her nurse, until she got to know you. Sad, I know. I do not share her opinions, as my husband is not conventional looking :)
Of all of the things that may potentially cause a patient to say :I don't want you as my nurse", I would say religion is the most understandable. Not IMO, but I can see how some people may say that. When you're dealing with health, wellness, lofe and death, people are under the assumption that religious opinions make a difference. Again, not me, but others may.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
this is something that has bothered me since my very first day of nursing school. it's a situation that comes up over and over again. when ever a person who self identifies as a nurse disagrees with something in a non work context like the internet the go to offensive is to label that person as a horrible nurse because they don't empathize with each and every individual and situation on the planet. in other words empathy for all no matter what the situation.
so the question is why? you can still be disagreeable and a wonderful empathetic nurse to your patients and coworkers. disagreeing is not a bad thing. florence herself was very opinionated and "disagreeable."
so why is "i wouldn't want you as my nurse" the go to defense? (and yes i've used it too)
maybe you can answer your own question by figuring out why you do it.
It kind of fits the same category as people who do awful things and shout "don't judge me!". Well, if not your actions, what should we be judging you by?
metal_m0nk, BSN, RN
920 Posts
Great example of what I meant when I said that empathy and disagreement are not mutually exclusive. You understand why someone might use the tactic because you are able to objectively analyze the impetus behind it, but you are also able to recognize that it is inappropriate.
People who cry empathy because their perceptions are dominated by the ideal without benefit of experience reveal their own lack of empathy for those who have experienced. That is why I tend to ignore them.