I'm mad and sad(about pt's family)

[singleye]

I started clinical at a long term care facility last week, I took care of a 84 year old pt for two days. He requires full ADL. He's still very sharp. he told us about stories of his life and he's so nice to us students.

on his bed table are pics of his three daughters and grandchildren, they are decent looking ppl but none of them have ever visited him. I found an unopened card from his friends in his draw and read it to him. He has tears in his eyes. when i asked whether his daughters visit often, he said no.

I'm sad and mad about his daughters, do they just put their parent in a nursing home and never remeber about him? are they so busy that they can't find any time to visit? This makes me really mad. maybe I'm just too ideal and sentimental.

[TabithaB]

You have no idea what kind of father this man was!

My father is (in the eyes of other people) very nice and personable!

But he was horrible to his children!!!!!

[StNeotser, ASN, RN]

Do you know if they live close to him? Most Americans get two weeks of vacation a year - if they don't live close perhaps this is why?

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

You have no idea what kind of father this man was!

My father is (in the eyes of other people) very nice and personable!

But he was horrible to his children!!!!!

Great point.

[Awright162]

I believe that there are more than one side to a story. While I don't know anything about this family, I'm sure there is a good reason for the family's behavior. Or who knows, maybe they are just that heartless.

[merrick]

It's possible you're not seeing the whole picture. Maybe they do visit, just not as often as he'd like. Or perhaps he just doesn't remember. My husband went to see his grandfather and he started crying and saying he hadn't seen him in years. My husband had been to see him just the month before (we don't live in the same city). Older people with dementia often seem completely with it when telling old stories. Their long term memories are usually still intact. It's the short term memories that are the problem.

[dthfytr, ADN, LPN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-I]

Had to put my dad in a home for a few weeks till he died of cancer. My mom for 4 years till she died of the "dwindles" aka Alzheimer's. I lived 75 miles away, visited all I could, cried my way home afterwards. Watching helplessly as loved ones deteriorate is very painful, and I don't judge anybody for the way they deal with the pain. It can be a very rough emotional roller coaster.

[merlee]

There are so many unexplored issues here and some have already been broached.

My MIL is in an LTC for her dementia, she no longer recognizes anyone. When my husband goes to see her, he ends up crying most of the way home. So I have gone without him.

You need to know everything before passing judgement.

[Baloney Amputation, BSN, LPN, RN]

When working in LTC, I remember that some residents didn't have any visitors because they were flat out mean to their children when they were growing up. Community members sometimes knew this and occasionally would report this to us. Other times we didn't know why a resident didn't get visitors.

The tears in the eyes of your resident may mean a lot of things, regret being one of them.

[nickasarbata]

Last year my mother went into the hospital and spent 28 days in the ICU. She'd had a heart attack, pneumothorax, one week on a ventilator, severely underweight (75 lbs), various psychiatric disorders affecting her cooperation with doctors and nurses... it was a mess. She lives in Iowa, I'm in New York. I was there that whole month (she was very, very touch-and-go for several weeks). When we finally brought her home, I was there for two more weeks before turning her over to occasional visits from home health aides. That time cleared out all of my vacation time and ate into my savings... well basically cleared out my savings completely.

Two months later she fell and fractured her pelvis in two places. She went right back into the hospital (well, an assisted living facility) for another full month. By that time I had no more paid time off, barely any savings, you know. She told me to not come to visit because she said she'd need more help from me when she got out of the facility, and that she really didn't need me there while she was in the hospital. So I didn't come for a month.

Can I tell you, I got some of the rudest looks ever from the nurses and CNAs in that facility when I "finally" showed up. One girl even said, "Oh, I didn't know Nancy had kids, usually kids come to visit their parents." Yeah, thanks girl. Even though it was what my mom wanted, I got some serious cold shoulder and evil eye from many people in that facility as I was coming to bring her home.

I'd say don't feel to angry about people's family situations, you never know what's going on. And like somebody else mentioned, maybe he was a horrible father. Who knows?

[DizzyLizzyNurse]

You have no idea what kind of father this man was!

My father is (in the eyes of other people) very nice and personable!

But he was horrible to his children!!!!!

I've found with the miracle of modern medicine that people we now treat for bipolar didn't have medication (or it didn't work well) and, even though they are now nice and sweet, they were horrifically abusive or neglectful to their children when they were growing up. Or they acted crazy. One sweet lady with a sweet daughter apparently used to scream at her daughter that she was going to kill herself if she ever left her and went to school, got married, etc.

Or maybe he forgets that they do visit. My GG does that. My grandma visits every day and 2 minutes after she's left she'll tell everyone she hasn't seen her in years.

[wee_oneRN]

Many great points made on here. I remember a sweet, lucid (seemingly) woman who would sit by the door and wait to see if her husband would finally come to visit. She would cry sometimes that he did not love her anymore. He had actually been dead for several years, but I am sure he did come to visit her one last time!