Ignores my being an RN

Nurses General Nursing

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:uhoh3: I attend a very small church. Included in the congregation are two CNAs and myself. I have been an RN for 20+years. Our pastor and his wife are retired missionaries and our pastor's wife teaches the adult Sunday School class and is also the president of the women's missionary society. It is often that she comes upon a medical question or concern and will ask one of the two CNAs about it. She will even ask another woman who has no medical or nursing background whatsoever. But, she will never ask me. Occassionally, outside of church, she will ask me something "because you are a nurse" but seems to pointedly ignore me in church. She will make a big show of asking the CNAs who usually say they don't know but even then will not ask my opinion. Yesterday, she invited several of us for dinner after the morning service. While at dinner, she was asking another woman about her compression hose and mentioned that her hose slide down and bunch up just below her knee. She then stated "that isn't good" and asked another woman who has no background in the health field to look at the woman's hose and asked her what should be done; I was never asked. I have to admit I feel a little hurt. Am I making a big thing of this or should I just overlook it?

is there a chance she hasnt been educated on what a cna does ?

dont think i would mind not being the target of random questions during my off time.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Postpartum.
This just made me laugh. Sounds like quite the power play there at the church. The CRNA can go for it. I work enough, on my day off, I'll be in charge of calling 911.

It was established because someone had passed out during service and so many people immediately got up and flooded around the person. The trained nurses that were there followed procedures and the person was stable and paramedics was called. The CRNA has a Masters and everyone immediately turned to her, I think because of her degree and not her years of experience, even if it is 17 years. So, she took it upon herself to be in charge if an emergency happens again. She doesn't work nights or weekends, so she's well rested for Sunday.

Most nurses will react in any emergency. Don't think they'll take the day off of being one during that time, even if they aren't physically at work. :lol2: I would too, but they've known me for so long as another "non-healthcare" person.

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Specializes in LTC, home health, critical care, pulmonary nursing.
It was established because someone had passed out during service and so many people immediately got up and flooded around the person. The trained nurses that were there followed procedures and the person was stable and paramedics was called. The CRNA has a Masters and everyone immediately turned to her, I think because of her degree and not her years of experience, even if it is 17 years. So, she took it upon herself to be in charge if an emergency happens again. She doesn't work nights or weekends, so she's well rested for Sunday.

Most nurses will react in any emergency. Don't think they'll take the day off of being one during that time, even if they aren't physically at work. :lol2: I would too, but they've known me for so long as another "non-healthcare" person.

If that makes everybody feel better I guess. And for the record, of course I would react. But if there are a slew of other healthcare personnel there itching to get in on the action, an extra body crowding around isn't helpful, even if that body is an RN.

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Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.
:uhoh3: I attend a very small church. Included in the congregation are two CNAs and myself. I have been an RN for 20+years. Our pastor and his wife are retired missionaries and our pastor's wife teaches the adult Sunday School class and is also the president of the women's missionary society. It is often that she comes upon a medical question or concern and will ask one of the two CNAs about it. She will even ask another woman who has no medical or nursing background whatsoever. But, she will never ask me. Occassionally, outside of church, she will ask me something "because you are a nurse" but seems to pointedly ignore me in church. She will make a big show of asking the CNAs who usually say they don't know but even then will not ask my opinion. Yesterday, she invited several of us for dinner after the morning service. While at dinner, she was asking another woman about her compression hose and mentioned that her hose slide down and bunch up just below her knee. She then stated "that isn't good" and asked another woman who has no background in the health field to look at the woman's hose and asked her what should be done; I was never asked. I have to admit I feel a little hurt. Am I making a big thing of this or should I just overlook it?

I'm a pastor's wife and an RN. I don't think you're overreacting. Church politics can be tricky. As another poster aptly pointed out, the pastor's spouse should treat people equally and not show favoritism. I suppose I appear to be a bit stand-offish to my husband's congregation at times because I don't participate in social groups. There are so many social groups that I would be overwhelmed trying to participate in all of them and, with my schedule (I'm a full-time graduate student) I don't have the time. Yet, if I participated in some and not others---or befriended some people in our congregation and not everyone---I would be accused of favoritism (and rightfully so). So I don't participate and some people think I'm aloof. Can't win.

However, this does sound like passive-aggressive behavior. It could be that the pastor's wife is envious of you for being an RN. I've had many people---including my mother-in-law---share with me how they wanted to be nurses but for various reasons didn't get the chance to go to nursing school. It could also be that your pastor's wife perceives that the CNAs need a bit of an ego boost and is trying to help them to feel more self-confident. It could also be that she feels like she's on a more equal level with them---or maybe she feels threatened by your education and experience. If she's used to being seen as the expert, like in missionary work, perhaps she is threatened by someone with expertise in another area that is out of her control.

I think part of what's distressing you here is that you expect a little more from a pastor's wife. You expect to be treated cordially, graciously, and equally and not snubbed. Sometimes congregations can expect a little too much from the pastor's wife; one of my friends has been criticized for not baking enough and for wearing blue toenail polish. I get criticized because I'm "too busy" with graduate school and my house is a mess. I think those expectations are a bit trivial---but yours are not.

I don't know what you should do about this. I'm not sure you should confront her on her behavior because she might become very defensive and ignore you even more. You can change the way you react to her but it's difficult. Your feelings are hurt by her behavior and it would take a lot of strength for anyone to "just get over it". If it is affecting your spiritual life and how you feel about your church community, you may want to consider if you would be happier worshipping elsewhere. It could be that your pastor's wife's behavior is a sign of dysfunctional leadership or dysfunctional personal dynamics in your church and that you would be happier with another faith community.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you and right now the best I can offer you is a hug and some prayers. Do feel free to PM me if you would like. :hug:

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her actions are clearly deliberate. ignore her. her personality overules her position as "pastor's wife". i have met some not-so-nice pastor's wives.

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Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.

I have some concerns myself in church. There are several nurses, including one CRNA at my church. I'm a career changer and will be getting my BSN. It has already been stated that if there are emergencies during service, the CRNA is in charge with the assistance of one other RN. My concern is some of the RNs work some Sundays, and if there's an emergency will I get acknowledged as a nurse to assist? My church is small too, and we do put on Health Fairs as part of our community involvement so everyone knows who's in the medical field.

Ask your pastor if there is a formal policy for emergencies in your church. If there isn't a policy, ask for one. (As a BSN student, this would be a great experience for you if you would help write that policy!) While it is commendable for the CRNA to take charge of emergencies, there should be a contingency plan in case he/she is not available. I anticipate that there would be a huge problem if there was an emergency and everyone expected the CRNA to respond and he/she wasn't there.

In my previous church in which I was the parish nurse, I created a policy for emergencies. This was a large church and we always had several deacons at each service so if there was a problem, the deacons were instructed to look for me or one of the other health professionals who attended our church (we had several RNs and a physician who attended regularly).

Another reason your church should have a policy is to help cover you all in case of liability. When I started the parish nurse program in my previous church, the church increased its liability to cover my activities. It wasn't a question of trust---it was a question of being prudent and making sure that the church had the necessary insurance so that they could be protected in case I did something wrong. (I also carried personal as well.) What concerns me about the lack of a policy is that if something did go wrong, the church could claim that the responders acted independently and saddle them with all liability issues. If the church is expecting members to respond to emergencies, they need to share the burden of liability and protect all of you with a policy.

I hope this helps! You are very prudent to ask questions about your role in any emergency.

I would also like to suggest, since you are in a BSN track, that if you have any interest in pursuing parish nursing that you might be able to do some sort of project that would examine parish nurse roles. It seems to me that in your faith community you have people who are performing the role of parish nurse without actually having the title. I don't suggest trying to take on the role of a parish nurse as a student or a new graduate but it sounds like your faith community is proactive in terms of promoting physical health as well as spiritual and psychosocial health.

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
:uhoh3: I attend a very small church. Included in the congregation are two CNAs and myself. I have been an RN for 20+years. Our pastor and his wife are retired missionaries and our pastor's wife teaches the adult Sunday School class and is also the president of the women's missionary society. It is often that she comes upon a medical question or concern and will ask one of the two CNAs about it. She will even ask another woman who has no medical or nursing background whatsoever. But, she will never ask me. Occassionally, outside of church, she will ask me something "because you are a nurse" but seems to pointedly ignore me in church. She will make a big show of asking the CNAs who usually say they don't know but even then will not ask my opinion. Yesterday, she invited several of us for dinner after the morning service. While at dinner, she was asking another woman about her compression hose and mentioned that her hose slide down and bunch up just below her knee. She then stated "that isn't good" and asked another woman who has no background in the health field to look at the woman's hose and asked her what should be done; I was never asked. I have to admit I feel a little hurt. Am I making a big thing of this or should I just overlook it?

Overlook it. You don't want to get in the habit of dispensing medical advice. It's really outside your scope of practice to offer an opinion/diagnosis, anyway. I never say much beyond, "Hmmm, sounds like you should have that looked at by your doctor." Keeps you out of trouble legally, and it keeps people from thinking they can hit you up for free advice.

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Specializes in Cardiac Care.
Overlook it. You don't want to get in the habit of dispensing medical advice. It's really outside your scope of practice to offer an opinion/diagnosis, anyway. I never say much beyond, "Hmmm, sounds like you should have that looked at by your doctor." Keeps you out of trouble legally, and it keeps people from thinking they can hit you up for free advice.

I agree with this. The more I think about it, the happier I'd be just to be left alone...

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Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

I guess I'm glad I didn't marry a pastor! I would hate to have to be thrust into a role that I did not seek out, simply by virtue of who I happened to fall in love with.

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Is it all possible that she's trying to respect you, rather than snub you?

I think it's commonly known that doctors (and to a lesser extent nurses) get hit up for free advice in social situations... maybe she figures that you get asked for advice all the time, and she doesn't want to be another person bothering you (or encourage other church members to bother you).

And conversely, maybe she thinks that the CNAs don't normally get a lot of credit for their knowledge, and is asking them publicly as a gesture of respect for their expertise.

Just a theory. I think you should bring it up with her if it really concerns you. But leaving it alone is probably also an excellent option.

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Specializes in ICU.

I find it hard to belive this is really an issue. Who cares if she doesnt ask you about her medial problems. Its beter that way dont you think? You are looking far too much into this.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Postpartum.
Ask your pastor if there is a formal policy for emergencies in your church. If there isn't a policy, ask for one. (As a BSN student, this would be a great experience for you if you would help write that policy!) While it is commendable for the CRNA to take charge of emergencies, there should be a contingency plan in case he/she is not available. I anticipate that there would be a huge problem if there was an emergency and everyone expected the CRNA to respond and he/she wasn't there.

In my previous church in which I was the parish nurse, I created a policy for emergencies. This was a large church and we always had several deacons at each service so if there was a problem, the deacons were instructed to look for me or one of the other health professionals who attended our church (we had several RNs and a physician who attended regularly).

Another reason your church should have a policy is to help cover you all in case of liability. When I started the parish nurse program in my previous church, the church increased its liability to cover my activities. It wasn't a question of trust---it was a question of being prudent and making sure that the church had the necessary insurance so that they could be protected in case I did something wrong. (I also carried personal liability insurance as well.) What concerns me about the lack of a policy is that if something did go wrong, the church could claim that the responders acted independently and saddle them with all liability issues. If the church is expecting members to respond to emergencies, they need to share the burden of liability and protect all of you with a policy.

I hope this helps! You are very prudent to ask questions about your role in any emergency.

I would also like to suggest, since you are in a BSN track, that if you have any interest in pursuing parish nursing that you might be able to do some sort of project that would examine parish nurse roles. It seems to me that in your faith community you have people who are performing the role of parish nurse without actually having the title. I don't suggest trying to take on the role of a parish nurse as a student or a new graduate but it sounds like your faith community is proactive in terms of promoting physical health as well as spiritual and psychosocial health.

Thanks for the great advice. The parish nurse program is a fantastic idea. I will look into it as well as finding out if we have a formal policy. The great thing about my Pastor is he welcomes any ideas I have. I will PM you regarding details about the program you started.

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