If people make me feel bad, I've been bullied

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 3, 2015

If you are not a bully your replies are certainly very harsh to people who are reaching out for some validation and help. You never miss an opportunity to state that the person with the problem IS the problem. I would hate to work with you.

You really don't know me. You don't know whether you'd like working with me or not. It's kind of interesting that you pulled up an older thread just to bash me . . . .

But people who cry "bully" over the thin pretexts above are not "people reaching out for some validation and help." They are people who have a "victim" mentality and are crying "bully" for no good reason. And by the way, those are actual complaints by posters who think they've been bullied.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Mar 3, 2015

Could we perhaps keep personal comments out of the discussion?

kungpoopanda · Mar 3, 2015

You really don't know me. You don't know whether you'd like working with me or not. It's kind of interesting that you pulled up an older thread just to bash me . . . .
But people who cry "bully" over the thin pretexts above are not "people reaching out for some validation and help." They are people who have a "victim" mentality and are crying "bully" for no good reason. And by the way, those are actual complaints by posters who think they've been bullied.

This post is wrong on so many levels. I see no "old thread pulled up to bash you". I just observe your behaviour to other posters and I find it unpleasant.

Editorial Team / Admin · Mar 4, 2015

This post is wrong on so many levels. I see no "old thread pulled up to bash you". I just observe your behaviour to other posters and I find it unpleasant.

If you find the posts unpleasant, you do have the option of using the ignore feature. Go to the account dashboard, click on the green "Click here to view all your account options" button, and scroll down to "Ignore list".

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 4, 2015

Could we perhaps keep personal comments out of the discussion?

Great idea. I'm sorry I bit.

mariebailey, MSN, RN · Mar 4, 2015

People kill themselves they are in debt up to their ears, or because their girlfriend dumped them. Does that mean that a creditor trying to collect a debt is to blame? Does that mean that the girlfriend shouldn't dump him?
So, no one should be assertive because someone might kill themselves? We should continually walk on eggshells with everyone in our lives because, well, we might drive them to suicide. Their death would be on our hands! Snippy with the cashier at the supermarket? Uh oh, she jumped off a bridge, and it's my fault!
People kill themselves because they have poor coping skills, suffer from depression, and see no reason to live. I'm not saying bullying is right, there IS bullying. But lets get real here. Suicide is a desperate move by a very unbalanced person.

Right, so don't blame the bully! Blame the suicidal person for being "unbalanced"! I get it.

mariebailey, MSN, RN · Mar 4, 2015

(not taking that bait) /QUOTE]

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Mar 4, 2015

Right, so don't blame the bully! Blame the suicidal person for being "unbalanced"! I get it.

Forgive me if I'm misinterpreting that you said the above 'tongue in cheek' :)

This is just a matter of interpersonal boundaries, where you end and I begin. It's not a matter of assigning 'who's to blame'. It has nothing to do with 'blame'.

kungpoopanda · Mar 5, 2015

If you find the posts unpleasant, you do have the option of using the ignore feature. Go to the account dashboard, click on the green "Click here to view all your account options" button, and scroll down to "Ignore list".

I said I find the BEHAVIOUR unpleasant. She never misses an opportunity to bash anyone whe disagrees with, or feels personally offended by (just take a look in the FIT nurse thread for examples). She needs to be called out on this behaviour.

mariebailey, MSN, RN · Mar 5, 2015

Forgive me if I'm misinterpreting that you said the above 'tongue in cheek' :)
This is just a matter of interpersonal boundaries, where you end and I begin. It's not a matter of assigning 'who's to blame'. It has nothing to do with 'blame'.

I totally agree with you that no one is to blame in matters as serious as suicide. My problem with Emergent's statement I quoted was mostly this statement:

So, no one should be assertive because someone might kill themselves? We should continually walk on eggshells with everyone in our lives because, well, we might drive them to suicide. Their death would be on our hands! Snippy with the cashier at the supermarket? Uh oh, she jumped off a bridge, and it's my fault!

No. 1, being "assertive" is not what we're talking about on this thread. We're talking about aggressive behavior that is ongoing & is meant to bring stress, psychological harm, or more to the recipient. This can lead to someone attempting suicide, & no one can negate that. There are numerous examples of young people bullied at school or on the internet who have resorted to such measures. I also don't like it when people downplay the seriousness of suicide, & I felt like Emergent did that.

Snippy with the cashier at the supermarket? Uh oh, she jumped off a bridge, and it's my fault!

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Mar 5, 2015

I totally agree with you that no one is to blame in matters as serious as suicide. My problem with Emergent's statement I quoted was mostly this statement:
No. 1, being "assertive" is not what we're talking about on this thread. We're talking about aggressive behavior that is ongoing & is meant to bring stress, psychological harm, or more to the recipient. This can lead to someone attempting suicide, & no one can negate that. There are numerous examples of young people bullied at school or on the internet who have resorted to such measures. I also don't like it when people downplay the seriousness of suicide, & I felt like Emergent did that.

I get what you are saying :)

It's always interesting how different people 'get' different things from reading the same post. I sensed Emergent was being hyperbolic, exaggerating to make some kind of point.

It's hard to imagine me getting suicidal from being bullied, but youngster and some vulnerable older people certainly do. Especially the kids, who have no sense of perspective As adults we can be victimized, it's just a lot harder, we have choices and coping mechanisms and perspective, even when we'd rather not use them.

I didn't get a sense she was downplaying SUICIDE, more like she was criticizing the 'blame game'. People do go to great extremes to avoid taking responsibility for their life situations, in that they refuse to acknowledge how they cause some of their own issues. They do NOT cause other people to be cruel, I don't mean that. What they do is something like refusing to develop resilience, take a positive and strong stand for their own selves. Maybe they don't know how? A teenager certainly doesn't have the tools an adult has, so I'm not talking about them, or persons with certain mental illnesses. It's more an attitude I'm talking about, chronic finger pointing and blaming. It never solves any problems because the only person we can change is ourselves, even when we are completely 'in the right'. Sometimes we have to change (or get the hell out!) even when we've done nothing wrong. It's all we can do, and therefore it's what we have to do, no one can do it for us.

Angeljho, MSN, NP · Mar 15, 2015

There's a fine line between being "real" and being real rude. A lot of posters here think that they have to be rude or insulting in order to get a point across. It only serves to discourage the individual because the "message" is never really heard. Everyone is different, but people will always pay attention to how something SOUNDS before they pay attention to what is being said. English is a heck of a language; the same sentence can be said in 20 different ways. If you don't know how to say something in a way that offers constructive criticism, keep it to yourself. But don't say you have to be rude for someone else's best interest. That's just bull coming from a bully.