I truly need help from all of you

Published

I am at a crossroads and desperately need the advice of other nurses. I need to give background briefly, and forgive me if it sounds like a soap opera: As a younger woman I married a man 25 years older than myself and we started a family (two children). At the time things were good for my husband financially--or, at least, good enough for us to live decently without fear for our next meal. I devoted myself to mothering our children.

Of course, I knew that eventually my husband would age and I would be going back to work. This happened a bit sooner than we expected when he hit his 60s and his work dried up. I went back to school and earned a BSN and got licensed as a registered nurse at age 40. I obtained work as a med-surg staff nurse in a large, big city teaching hospital about one year ago.

Unfortunately, over the years I had developed a condition diagnosed as borderline systemic lupus. By "borderline" I simply mean that I am positive for 4 out of the 11 diagnostic criteria--which technically qualifies me for the diagnosis. However, my symptoms are not life-threatening, although they are debilitating--sometimes extremely so. (I could also technically be diagnosed with fibromyalgia, although it's unclear if this is actually a separate condition from the lupus.)

Although we wondered if it would be possible for me to handle the kind of job I am in, we certainly hoped I would because my husband has been unable to find work and as he ages it looks less likely that he will.

I find myself in a unit where I am assigned 6 or 7 patients per 12-hour shift instead of the five patients I understood I would be assigned (and under conditions where I really should only have four in order to be able to administer actual *care*). My "12-hour shifts" always drift at least to13 and very often to14 hours to enable me to finish the paperwork, charting, etc. and turn the patients over to the next shift.

I have become a ghost/zombie in my home. If I am not at work I am in bed. My children (now 9 and 11) no longer know me. My husband simply cannot do all of the house/child care under these circumstances. I am suffering mentally as well as physically, as I previously defined myself in large part in terms of my role as a mother. It is one thing to go to work for 40 hours and spend the rest of the time with your family. It is another to spend no time at all with your family because you are too ill from the stress and exertion of your job.

I fully realize that I am not alone with this sort of problem. I know that people are leaving the profession for these reasons all the time.

I need to quit this job but I am frightened. It's not just a question of "the economy" and the difficulty of finding work ("`Nursing shortage'--what's that, a new dance?"). I just don't know where to look for work at which I could likely remain. I don't know what sorts of jobs there are out there for registered nurses that would not rip away every ounce of reserve energy I possess.

I admit to being naïve in the work world. I worked before I was married, but it is a different world now. I obtained this job right out of school by being recruited. My question is: How do I find a job and where should I look? I know that many of you have had to search many sources for work, often for many months or even years. I also know that many of you are experienced nurses who have worked in a number of different types of jobs. I need some kind of motherly/counseling help.

I need a job that, first, allows me actually to administer care; and second, that is not so stressful, with such long hours per shift that I feel like I've been run over by a truck during all of my off-hours. I hear about all sorts of options: residential care centers, hospice, home nursing of all types, etc., but don't know how to find these jobs.

I know that I am risking ridicule by posting this, but I am at the end of what I can endure and don't know where to turn. My husband is trying to help but his knowledge/understanding of nursing and nursing issues is limited.

Thank you,

k

Up Vote Up Vote ×

LTC as an MDS nurse. Seated. Mon-Fri, 7-3.

And good luck.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in RN, BSN, CHDN.

First of I am sorry you are suffering I know how hard it is when you are in pain to work.

You have a years experience in a med/surg area which does stand you in good stead for whatever you decide to do next. You also have a BSN which opens even more doors for you. Nursing is a vast profession with openings on many levels.

Have you thought about teaching? working in a clinic? How about training to do hemodialysis and working at a chronic centre? Research nursing? You need to investigate what interests you.

Unfortunatly floor nursing really is hard work, tiring and very stressful. It does get easier with time but to do the job properly you are busy on your feet 12 hours per shift.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Home Care.

How about public health nursing? You could work at the county health department.

The only thing to fear is fear itself.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Psychiatric nursing (my specialty) is typically less phyically demanding than med-surg bedside nursing, if that's a specialty area that interests you. Is a school nursing position a possibility for you in your area? (I know different parts of the country have different requirements/qualifications for school nursing.) Ambulatory surgery is another thing people have spoken well of here. Ditto to the other suggestions people have already made.

Best wishes!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Regarding...

>>It is one thing to go to work for 40 hours and spend the rest of the time with your family. It is another to spend no time at all with your family because you are too ill from the stress and exertion of your job.

You seem to have boiled it down to a consistent reality for many medsurg RNs.

A couple places I'd recommend looking into is hemodialysis and endoscopy. I've had friends leave ICU and other speciality fields for these two, of which they find the stress levels significantly less.... and most importantly, they are smiling again when I see them on my way to Medsurg. =)

Bottom line: Life is too short, or in a bad position--life can be too long. Make a choice that satisfies your passion to help without sacrificing yourself and family in the process.

- Luis

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice.

I admired your courage in handling the challenges you have now. I believe RN can be in different area however pay would be different as well. How about Dr. clinic, public health, peds unit. talk to job specialist in your hospital for some advised.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I can't imagine how you do it, I am finishing up my 1st year of full time Med surg nursing on a busy unit going to school as well, but I don't have a family. Some jobs I have thought about once I get my BSN are RN-case manager, medical sales, or in home care with a visiting nurse company. Some of these jobs like case manager and nurse researcher offer part time hours, as well. Insurance companies also hirer RN's and pharmaceutical companies hire RN consultants as well. You should start by looking online on sites like hot jobs and carreer builder or specialty job sites especially for RN jobs. To find these sites, I have used google search engine and just typed in the job I wanted, sometimes there are several jobs to choose from. Good luck!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

How long have you been at this job? I have been working on my unit right out of NS just like you and believe it or not, I have adjusted to it. I felt the same as you... a total zombie at home but now I have time for my family and doing things I like to do. I just needed time to adjust to the new routine and once I became comfortable and familiar with my unit and the day to day stress and chaos at work, I had much more energy at home. I work a busy med-surg floor as well and we average 5-7 patients per shift. Somehow after 8 months on the floor I have managed to adapt and still have a life outside of work, which I didn't think was possible when I started this job. Hang in there... it gets better! :flwrhrts:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

School nurse? Clinical instructor for an LPN class? Telephone nurse?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in MICU/SICU.

Second the above, I was going to suggest school nursing. Your experience with kids sounds like a plus, and my limited experience with school nursing (one clinical rotation) the hours were good and there wasn't as much physical work as I'm encountering in the hospital.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

SCHOOL NURSING DEFINITELY!!! AND THEY ARE VERY OPEN TO HIRING PEOPLE WITH LITTLE OR NO EXPERIENCE (well i guess depending on where you live; mine is NYC)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion