I think I have a stalker...

[OURN83]

This is not really related to nursing, per-se, but I have just started a new job as a nurse. I mean, I have been at this job for 2 weeks tomorrow. I am already stressed to the max and questioning everything I do and feeling inadequate as expected for a new nurse, and suddenly I have another problem. Apparently I have a stalker, who also happens to be the night shift security guard. I work at a retirement community in the skilled nursing facility. According to the night shift nurse who relieves me, he comes in every night and asks about me. This has apparently been going on for a week. She just told me 2 nights ago. I pretty much blew it off thinking oh just a crush, and told her to let him know that I am married and have children. Well tonight she came in and told me that she let him know. Well according to her he came in the very next night asking more about me. So obviously that didn't detour him and she hasn't been very specific about what he has been asking about me, but she did mention he wanted to know what my last name was. I specifically told her not to tell him and not let him back into the nurses station (where he could find my name). Then RIGHT after this discussion, he waltzes in the unit, 3 hours before he is scheduled to be on duty and circled around the facility about 4 times. I jetted out before he reached the nurses station each time to avoid him. Really, he has no reason to be in our area of the facility unless called upon. Normally security just hangs out at the gatehouse.

Also what is interesting, this same person randomly contacted me on myspace about a year ago, I also told him then that I had a family he continued to try and talk to me, it was always friendly and never seemed questionable, but I decided to stop all conversation with him because it didn't seem right, obviously because I am married and he is some random person. So that was the end of that.

WELL, this person has been working at this facility for 3 months now but for whatever reason just took his orientation on the SAME DAY as mine. They have orientation quite often, about once a week. It is a very large facility. Could he have somehow known I would be going to orientation on that day???

Am I overreacting? Or should I be worried???

[OURN83]

Also, I want to mention, it wouldn't be a big deal for me to notify the DON, or straight up tell this person myself to get lost if I wasn't so new. Again, I am very new and I would really hate to already look like I am a problem. I know that's really a dumb thing to say because I am not responsible for this. But, I also know how important first impressions are. I just don't want to cause a scene.

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

I would call the cops myself. You are an adult, but he is making you feel like a scared child. All the evil out there really gives you no choice. Of course let the Director know, but many times they don't want publicity.

Tell your coworkers to watch your back. DOn't leave the building alone. Make an evidence trail. But involve the cops please.

[rn/writer, RN]

Being the new person shouldn't require you to keep your mouth shut about something scary.

Tell your DON. Tell The head of security. Keep a log of any and everything that happens, including all the things you mentioned here.

Unless he shows up in your face, don't confront him. Stalkers have a way of twisting anything that is said to mean what they want it to mean and convincing themselves that even outright negativity is a come-on.

What I found most disturbing is the fact that this guy just "happened" to show up at your workplace at the same time you started there. This does suggest that he may have been "tracking" you and is manipulating his life to hook up with yours.

P_RN's suggestion about calling the cops is a good one. Maybe they can check this guy out and see if he has any kind of history. At the very least, you'll have it on record if you need to call them in the middle of an incident.

Carry a whistle and pepper spray. Google stalking and read the advice of others who have gone through this. Keep a log of events.

You do NOT have to endure this in the name of not being a trouble-maker. Your DON can't protect you if she doesn't know what's going on. The noc shift nurse can certainly tell about his questions and his inappropriate interest.

On a practical level, make sure your car is dependable and has enough gas. Let people know when you are leaving, where you are going, and when you expect to arrive. Keep a charged cell phone on you at all times.

This may be only an annoyance from a clueless guy, but you have to take it seriously.

[missjennmb]

you've never talked to him? Maybe he is just trying to figure out if you're the same person he met on Myspace? Personally, I would talk to him. He may just be trying to connect your face to his memory and shy about approaching you. I'm all for safety, but I think it would be overreacting to alert officials without even seeing what it is that he wants. (I would probably do some of the same things if I saw someone I thought I knew from time before and they were new to a place that I had been working for awhile...but I'm non-confrontational that way)

[rn/writer, RN]

Don't worry about over-reacting. Listen to your gut. There are too many people--especially women--who have ended up in trouble because they didn't want to over-react. People with bad intent exploit that desire to be nice and the tendency to downplay creepy feelings.

This guy could be someone who just has a harmless crush and doesn't have the inner resources or emotional maturity to redirect his attention elsewhere. But I wouldn't want to bet my safety and security on it.

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

please notify the don and facility admin and follow others advise.

always trust your gut. don't become a statistic.

stalking resource center -- national center for victims of crime ...

[BBFRN, BSN, PhD]

Don't worry about over-reacting. Listen to your gut.

Wise words. Tell everyone mentioned in the previous posts.

[Fun2, BSN, RN]

I would get this handled quickly, if you feel uncomfortable about the situation.

It could be nothing, but then again, it could get worse!!!!

[justme1972]

Ok....please forgive me...I think you are blowing this situation out of proportion.

Since when did merely asking questions when this guy has NEVER been told by you that you are not interested....equals STALKING?

Come on people!!!!

Granted, the guy has a crush...asking questions about a new, most likely an attractive female...he may be interested, and there isn't anything wrong with that.

Since this friend of yours is relaying the information instead of you that you are married and have children...then he sees this OTHER person as being rejective and not you.

MySpace is a public message board and people that don't want strangers contacting them randomly should block their account to "friends only"....b/c how is a guy supposed to know? Plenty of women use MySpace to have affairs...saying you are married is not an obstacle for men that have no morals...instead of avoiding him, you should have just sent him an e-mail and tell him you weren't interested.

Instead of avoiding the situation and running away from it...why don't you confront him personally?...obviously in a safe place at work, not where others can overhear (that would be unprofessional)...it need not be nasty.

Just say, "Look, I know you mean no harm but I feel it's important that you know that I have been hearing from other employees that you are asking alot of personal questions about me. Just so you know, I am happily married, I have children, and I would appreciate it if you would just keep things professional."

That way he's living in realty and not a fantasy.

THEN if he doesn't respect that....THEN you know you have a problem.

[justme1972]

please notify the don and facility admin and follow others advise.

always trust your gut. don't become a statistic.

stalking resource center -- national center for victims of crime ...

i disagree wth this...mainly because that can be severely damaging to someone's reputation, that is also, new to the job.

the op stated that she was originally conversing with him via myspace. just because she is married doesn't equal stay away with every guy.

she stated herself that he was always friendly.

she is assuming that this guy decided when he was taking his orientation and is assuming he scheduled it with her....maybe his boss assigned him to take it that day.

people lose jobs over assumptions and rumors. that's my point.

not once has this op told him directly that she had no interest in him, which is a very, very critical step for her to take. just saying, "i'm married" to some men is like saying you have brown hair...to some, they don't care. in all due respect to the op...she is already calling it stalking as if he's follwoing her around town and doing drive-by's at her house.

[missjennmb]

:yeahthat: