I think I really screwed up choosing nursing

[Curious1alwys]

Well, thinking about leaving my second job as a new grad since May. I can't believe I am right back where I was in July, but here I am.

Is there shame in admitting a career choice just is not for you? That you royally screwed up but unfortunately didn't 100% realize it until you graduated and started working? I picked nursing not because I was always interested in the field, liked what nurses do, or loved patient contact. I picked it because I loved to learn, felt their was opportunity in nursing, and because the school was geographically close to home. Yep, that's it. There were other things I was more interested in pursuing, but those degrees required more time, money, and long commutes. So I "settled" for nursing.

I did well in school. The bookwork came pretty easy. I got good grades with little effort. Like I said, I love learning. But I dreaded clinicals. I dreaded the hands-on, the skills. I always felt like a fish out of water. Even if Block 4. Everyone told me that was just anxiety because I was doing something new and lacked confidence and that it would be different when I was actually working as an RN. I kept telling myself that, saying to myself, "just get the degree". Well, it's no different now. I dread going to work in the morning. Actually I start dreading it several days BEFORE so I am really anxious even on my days off! I honestly can say that I don't really enjoy anything about nursing so far. When I don't get breaks or lunches I just get annoyed. I don't think of what I love and so wow it is all still worth it...The only thing that interests me is the constant learning the profession offers. I like helping the patients but mostly I just feel frustrated that I can't help them more or in the ways they need to be helped. I feel that even if you have the compassion for patients, it is hard to take good care of them, as busy as this profession is. Personally, I'd rather push paper somewhere outside of nursing for less money and volunteer in a hospital, where you can feel like you make a difference!!!

I have been told by others that I am good with patients, am caring, am sympathetic. My last job I was told that I was progressing just as they expected a new grad to. So basically, I don't think I can't do this job (ok, sometimes I do). In fact, if I went now to my manager about wanting to quit I'd probably get the whole "it's just new" speel. Even my husband encourages me telling me how smart I am and that he knows I would be a good nurse, etc. etc...I just don't think I am going to ever be happy doing this job. I am frustrated because every time I vent to others (especially other new grads) I get the same lecture. The one given here as well. The speel about how all new grads feel this way, confidence comes with time, the first 1-2 years is hell, etc, etc, etc. BUT...shouldn't there be something I like about my job?? Even when I get the paycheck, all I think is "wow, this is not worth it". When I get to the hospital door in the morning, all I want to do is run the other way. I watch the clock, how much longer before I can LEAVE? I don't get warm fuzzies helping patients although I do feel sorry for many of them but helping them somehow isn't really rewarding to me. I know this is how I feel yet I still go back and forth about whether I need to stick this out! Make this magical year work. It is so stressful..I feel double stressful when you just can't see the reasons why you are doing something. I can make some money in another job, albeit less but I also won't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. For direction, I seek everyone else's opinion rather than trusting myself. I just don't want it to be that fear got the best of me but all things considered...do you think it is time to wave the white flag, admit I made a mistake, and move on to the next career choice?? How sad that i didn't get out sooner, but what can you do?

All my friends just say I am scared, we all feel this way, etc, etc. I remind them how I told them all through school I wasn't sure this was for me and they just say "you have to think positive and just do it". I guess society is just so against getting degree and then not using it. It is so taboo. My family thinks I need to give up nursing now and pick something else, that it was never right for me. My husband just thinks my family is being unsupportive and doesn't want me to succeed. Why is it just not OK for me not to like this? And even more troubling, why can't I just admit to myself I don't like it and not feel guilty and MOVE ON? A lot of this is my fault, the whole going back and forth!

How do you quit and tell your manager, Oops, sorry for wasting your time but I finally realize nursing is not for me? This is just so embarrassing. If I give this up this time, I am never coming back. I think maybe this is not my "niche" but I don't know if there is any niche for me here. I wish there were others like me here who just really made the wrong decision. I don't know who I pursued this for but it sure doesn't feel like me. I think I'd rather sit in a lab and spin blood samples in a centrifuge. That was one of the things that looked better in the beginning!!!

I guess a life spent making mistakes is better than a life spent doing nothing!?

thanks for listening.

[leaflet]

is there another area of nursing you could do that you would like better? out of the hospital, and maybe out of bedside nursing? Just a thought

[Little Panda RN, ASN, RN]

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your decision. It is not an easy one to make. I have left nursing and there are days I regret my decision and days I don't. It is difficult to get used to the pay cut, but I am surviving. There are things about nursing I miss and things I don't, but that goes with any job. I like what I do now because there is no life and death stress, no patients yelling at me, no doctors acting like and a--. I dont go home thinking "oh crap" I forgot to do this or do that. But on the flip side, I miss the challenge of nursing, of putting the pieces of the puzzle together. But with that challenge comes the stress and I just don't think the stress is worth it, not now anyways. I used to strive on the stress, but not anymore. I admire the nurses who make it look easy. Maybe some day I will return to nursing, but the job has to feel right.

Thrashej, take your time in making this decision and if you do leave nursing for awhile, nothing says that you can never go back.

One door closes another one opens.

[RainDreamer, BSN, RN]

Awwww sweetie, I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know I talked to you a bit right after you graduated ...... you reminded me a lot of myself in school.

I was the same way in school .... dreaded clinicals and didn't so much feel like I fit in. I was told the same things, that it'd get better once I was in the nursing world. Then I started working and I didn't feel like I fit in there either. At my first job, I found myself wishing I could become one of the cleaning ladies! I would have given anything to get out of that position ...... doing anything else! I changed jobs and it got a bit better. I still felt overwhelmed and wasn't sure if I was totally in the right place.

I'm not going to tell you to give it time and that it'll get better. Honestly, I think you going through a year of dread and not being happy, and not having any joy whatsoever out of your job(s) is enough. When I started at my current job, I was overwhelmed, stressed, and dreaded it .... but I knew I liked the work. There were things that I liked about it and I knew once the initial fear wore off, that I had found my niche and it's where I was meant to be.

I don't think you made a bad decision though as far as going into nursing. You talk a lot about not having time with patients. Have you ever thought about working in an ICU setting? So you could have your 1-2 patients ..... spend time learning about their diagnoses, spend time with them and their families, etc?

[snowfreeze, BSN, RN]

You seem like the person who could actually make a difference for the rest of us. Head toward adminstration training and fix some of the problems. That would only be local of course, a law career would give you some direction in making nursing a better and more effective field.

Should you stay in nursing maybe corporate nursing is more your alley, paper pushing mostly. Mills, and airlines along with Walmart and Target and many more large corporations hire nurses with usually a BSN to help maintain the health requirements for their employees.

[Dental Hygienist]

As you can see, many posters identify with you, and so do I. My career switch from dental hygiene to nursing sounds exactly like what you are experiencing now. I "hung in there" for 3 years and you know what? It didn't really get much better and so now I'm taking the plunge and getting out. Wish I would have done it 2 and a half years ago!

I've read your post and all of the responses, and just a thought, but it sounds to me like you might enjoy being a nursing educator. I always hear that the nursing shortage is largely due to a shortage of nursing instructors; maybe this is something you could look into? You'd be constantly learning, plenty of paperwork, good benefits, you would likely get all your breaks and meals, and usually good students make good teachers.

What I've learned thus far in life in talking with many, many people about their education and career choices is that most people want to do something other than the job they currently have, but what is often a barrier to these people is the schooling; either they hate school, or feel like they can't handle it etc...this is where you differ and would have an advantage over the average person, you excel in school and actually like it. I'm not sure what additional schooling you would need to become a nurse educator, but from my understanding a master's in nursing or in education should get you in the door; I'm not sure whether or not they require a certain amount of clinical experience or not, but you do have SOME clinical experience and if the shortage is really that dire, they may make some exceptions.

I suspect that you can find some way to use your degree to shape a lovely career for yourself that's not directly related to patient care. But if you really think you don't want to do ANYTHING at all related to nursing, then go with your gut and get out now. Life is too short and there's not enough time to spend a large portion of it unhappy!

[Chloe'sinNYNow]

Thrashe,

I'm with you all the way hun. I have read a lot on this thread about choosing ICU or other like specialty to get one on one and more time learning your pt and dx....Is there another area of nursing for gals like us? I too can manage no more than 4 pts in a shift and feel comfortable. And even then I felt I was only task-orienting to their wounds and meds. I hardly ever learned of their conditions and why they were actually on the unit (Onc/Renal/Heme/Hospice)

Chloe

[Riseupandnurse]

If you really feel this way, walk away. Life is too short to keep making yourself do something you just don't enjoy, and even dread. You have to have at least a little passion for nursing to be able to put up with all the downside. It's not a character flaw if you don't happen to have that passion. Find something else, and be happy.

[Scrubby]

I felt very similar a few years ago before i started in the OR. I used to dread going to work, i even went part time because i could not stand being fulltime as a bedside nurse.

I wish you all the best and hope you find the type of position that suits you.

[RNfaster]

It could be WHERE you are working. Some hospitals take better care of their staff than others, which makes the job more enjoyable.

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

Well, I am really glad there are so many different opinions here. I especially like how no one is acting like I'll absolutely ruin my life if I leave my job. Pretty much that is how everyone in my 'real' world is acting. I don't know if I have been sticking with this just to please them so no one thinks I am a failure. It is hard when you went to school for this and everyone asks you if you are working and do you like it and then you say NO and up goes that eyebrow. Like, HUH? Oh no, that can't possibly be, right? I mean, why would anyone stay with something and go to school and all if they didn't like it? Although some of these people were the ones who KNEW I didn't like it and still cheered me on and pushed me to finish school. Now here comes the judgment! WTH? If I had quit during school everyone would have been thinking I gave up and well, might as well finish school if you made it this far..you know, you can't win! :) And I did finish school....all the while losing my 60 yr old father to cancer in 6 mos, losing 2 grandmothers, my cat, and my unborn child. So, I think that was quite an accomplishment!

I was working in my non clinical job the other day. An aquaintance who knows I went to school said to me, "Hey, aren't you an RN now?" I said "yes" (she doesn't know about my RN job). She goes, "Well.....what are you doing here then????!!!!", you know, all aghast:lol2:. Inside I was laughing. I wanted to say, "Oh, cuz I was smart and got the he!* out!!!" Funny how people outside of the profession just have no clue whatsoever. Next time someone asks me I am just going to say, "You know what? turns out I don't like it" and then see the look on their face, lol. People just don't get it.

I'll look into other areas of floor nursing as well as advancing my degree (I have 2 associates but no bachelors). I have very good things going on in my personal life right now to concentrate on and a Happy Christmas to celebrate! Life is too short to dread every day.

Thanx!

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

It could be WHERE you are working. Some hospitals take better care of their staff than others, which makes the job more enjoyable.

I get your drift. Thanks!

[Chloe'sinNYNow]

There was a post on here about "office nursing" to get away fr the hustle bustle of bedside care. What exactly is that? Is it available to new grads? How do I get started?

I'm looking to relocate fr my own metro-Atlanta area either northward, or westward and each time I do a search for RN's, I get temp agencies that ask for min 1-2 years experience and/or don't give enough details about the position.

So this raises another question (or 2, or 3...)

Is temporary work considered "agency" in the nursing world?

Who are the agencies to go with?

Who are the agenceis to stay away from (and why)?

What do you look for in an agency?

I honestly thought that more and more hospitals were pulling away fr agency nurses b/c they cost too much. Is this correct and if it's true, does the nurse see the profit, or does it all go to the agency?

Lots of questions y'all have raised for me. This is a good thread. Been helpful to know I am not alone. Thrash, you are very fortunate and inspiring to have come through all those losses to say you have great personal tidings.

Happy Holidays one and all!

Chloe