I think I really screwed up choosing nursing

[Curious1alwys]

Well, thinking about leaving my second job as a new grad since May. I can't believe I am right back where I was in July, but here I am.

Is there shame in admitting a career choice just is not for you? That you royally screwed up but unfortunately didn't 100% realize it until you graduated and started working? I picked nursing not because I was always interested in the field, liked what nurses do, or loved patient contact. I picked it because I loved to learn, felt their was opportunity in nursing, and because the school was geographically close to home. Yep, that's it. There were other things I was more interested in pursuing, but those degrees required more time, money, and long commutes. So I "settled" for nursing.

I did well in school. The bookwork came pretty easy. I got good grades with little effort. Like I said, I love learning. But I dreaded clinicals. I dreaded the hands-on, the skills. I always felt like a fish out of water. Even if Block 4. Everyone told me that was just anxiety because I was doing something new and lacked confidence and that it would be different when I was actually working as an RN. I kept telling myself that, saying to myself, "just get the degree". Well, it's no different now. I dread going to work in the morning. Actually I start dreading it several days BEFORE so I am really anxious even on my days off! I honestly can say that I don't really enjoy anything about nursing so far. When I don't get breaks or lunches I just get annoyed. I don't think of what I love and so wow it is all still worth it...The only thing that interests me is the constant learning the profession offers. I like helping the patients but mostly I just feel frustrated that I can't help them more or in the ways they need to be helped. I feel that even if you have the compassion for patients, it is hard to take good care of them, as busy as this profession is. Personally, I'd rather push paper somewhere outside of nursing for less money and volunteer in a hospital, where you can feel like you make a difference!!!

I have been told by others that I am good with patients, am caring, am sympathetic. My last job I was told that I was progressing just as they expected a new grad to. So basically, I don't think I can't do this job (ok, sometimes I do). In fact, if I went now to my manager about wanting to quit I'd probably get the whole "it's just new" speel. Even my husband encourages me telling me how smart I am and that he knows I would be a good nurse, etc. etc...I just don't think I am going to ever be happy doing this job. I am frustrated because every time I vent to others (especially other new grads) I get the same lecture. The one given here as well. The speel about how all new grads feel this way, confidence comes with time, the first 1-2 years is hell, etc, etc, etc. BUT...shouldn't there be something I like about my job?? Even when I get the paycheck, all I think is "wow, this is not worth it". When I get to the hospital door in the morning, all I want to do is run the other way. I watch the clock, how much longer before I can LEAVE? I don't get warm fuzzies helping patients although I do feel sorry for many of them but helping them somehow isn't really rewarding to me. I know this is how I feel yet I still go back and forth about whether I need to stick this out! Make this magical year work. It is so stressful..I feel double stressful when you just can't see the reasons why you are doing something. I can make some money in another job, albeit less but I also won't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. For direction, I seek everyone else's opinion rather than trusting myself. I just don't want it to be that fear got the best of me but all things considered...do you think it is time to wave the white flag, admit I made a mistake, and move on to the next career choice?? How sad that i didn't get out sooner, but what can you do?

All my friends just say I am scared, we all feel this way, etc, etc. I remind them how I told them all through school I wasn't sure this was for me and they just say "you have to think positive and just do it". I guess society is just so against getting degree and then not using it. It is so taboo. My family thinks I need to give up nursing now and pick something else, that it was never right for me. My husband just thinks my family is being unsupportive and doesn't want me to succeed. Why is it just not OK for me not to like this? And even more troubling, why can't I just admit to myself I don't like it and not feel guilty and MOVE ON? A lot of this is my fault, the whole going back and forth!

How do you quit and tell your manager, Oops, sorry for wasting your time but I finally realize nursing is not for me? This is just so embarrassing. If I give this up this time, I am never coming back. I think maybe this is not my "niche" but I don't know if there is any niche for me here. I wish there were others like me here who just really made the wrong decision. I don't know who I pursued this for but it sure doesn't feel like me. I think I'd rather sit in a lab and spin blood samples in a centrifuge. That was one of the things that looked better in the beginning!!!

I guess a life spent making mistakes is better than a life spent doing nothing!?

thanks for listening.

[allthingsbright]

It sounds like you know in heart and mind that floor nursing isnt right for you. Get out now and be happy for the life experience. Maybe you can get into a desk position where you use your medical experience but get to do more office-type work. Then like you said you can volunteer outside work for the philanthropic part. There are so many areas you can get into w/ a nursing degree. You arent stuck! Best wishes!!!

[KatieM123]

I understand how you feel, I'm just on an opposite end! I work in business I have a BS in management and an MBA. I make a good bit more than a nurse and I Hate my job. HATE IT. I hate going to work and getting the sh!t kicked out of me b/c finances aren't what they should be, meetings that last all day, people who thinking 13 hours days 6 days a week is healthy. UGH. HATE IT! I am hoping to go to nursing school starting in the fall for nursing. The 3 people I asked for letters of recommendation did everything but ask me why I'd want to take such a huge step "backwards" in careers. Because I will no longer be using my degrees. It's fine with me, get me OUT of my current business. It's no different than you really, I was good at teh bussiness school work, I'm good at the actual job too (3 promotions in 2 years) but I'd rather do anything than sit at my computer 10-12 hours a day slaving away for zero purpose. So do what is best for you, many of my coworkers LOVE their job and the industry they work hard and get satisfaction from it, I just don't so I need to get out!

[ERnewbieRN, BSN, RN]

Wow, did you reach inside my brain, take my thoughts, and post them on this message board?! Lol, this is almost exactly how I feel... went into nursing for many of the same reasons you did vs. a "calling" or desire to go into nursing from a prior experience, etc etc. And now I'm pretty much regretting my decision, dread going into work days before I go in. I was even getting depressed, and I've only been working for 6 months. But the other day I had this revelation. I have my BSN and I've been planning to go back to school for anesthesia, but then I realized that the anticipation of that wasn't doing anything for me. And then I realized-- I just don't want to work in a hospital anymore! I changed my mind pretty much overnight and decided to look into nurse practitioner programs and I feel so much better. I feel like I actually have something to look forward to! So I guess what I'm saying is there might be something in nursing for you that isn't necessarily so traditional. Give it a try, and if you don't find something within nursing, go into another field. You only live once! Good luck!

[chris_at_lucas_RN, RN]

Darlin' I'm from one of those families too. Ignore them.

You love what you do, you are feeling frustrated and worried and concerned that you have made a grave error.

I don't think you made a mistake. The first year (or two) can be very challenging as we attempt to adjust what our idealized image of nursing was, with the reality of what we find nursing to be.

There are many areas where you can be a nurse. Hospital nursing can be tedious, frustrating, wearing.

Home health nursing gets you out of the building and on the road. Hospice nursing is a part of home health nursing--it has its own joys and rewards (and frustrations).

I think if you are getting feedback pretty much from everyone except your family that you are doing a good job, if you love patient contact and patient care, if you love nursing, then by golly, you need to stay in nursing.

Learn to tell your family, "thank you for loving me enough to share your suggestions." Stop there. Don't finish with "but I am going to do..." whatever. That invites discussion.

The other thing you may have discovered (I'm really guessing here, based on my own somewhat disappointing experience) is that you will not get the affirmations, praise and accolades for your accomplishments in nursing from your family. I'm going to go further and guess that no matter what you do, they will have an armchair opinion they will share, and share frequently, if you allow it.

Just look at yourself. What are your needs? What makes you happy? What are the issues? Are they surmountable? Can you overcome them with time, or additional training, or practice, or more study? If you can, and you love nursing as you described, then that's where you need to be.

Give your husband a hug. It is a wonderful thing to have one who is supportive--and who can tell you (in other words, maybe) that you need to just let go of what the family is telling you.

I know I have only addressed a small part of what you wrote. I just really related to what you describe.

My mother was a nurse for more than 50 years. From the time I was 5 I wanted to be one too. My parents would not allow it when I finished high school, and when I finally realized I could do what I wanted to do with my life, I was past 45. I got my RN when I was 50. My first couple of positions were challenging. I won't share more detail about them now, because I see now that although my issues were very reasonable and appropriate, the really challenge for me involved my family.

My mother never had a supportive thing to say about my work. The closest she got was telling me I ought to leave every position I had when I would tell her about it. I foolishly hoped for encouragement, pointers, suggestions. I got exactly the wrong advice. I continue to excel in my profession. I am getting ready to start graduate school (in nursing) at a fairly prestigious university, one that everyone has heard of. I am no longer sad that my mother, who was in many ways my role model, not only cannot share in my joy, she actively tries to undermine every aspect of it.

I know she does not realize what she is doing. I know she loves me the best way she can, even if she is woefully incapable of doing that. And mostly I know that anything she cares to share with me about nursing or decisions I make, needs to be acknowledged and ignored.

I have developed a nice little network of people I trust who are the ones to whom I turn when I need feedback and the like.

One of the most important things I have been told (and I have to remind myself to do) is, "stop listening to your mother."

Good advice....

[kwase78]

I am a new nurse, barely 4 months of nursing experience on a telemetry flow and most days i feel the same way you do. i can empathize with you. For me, i knew what i was getting myself into; i knew it was going to be hectic, i knew i didn't like bedside nursing and i knew i was going to get out of the hospital in a year or less after getting some experience.

It is ok to feel the way you do but you should not be ashamed, its your life and you do whatever is comfortable for you. Don't worry about what others may think, their opinion about you will never change anyway, so why bother? Good thing is that nursing is diverse and you don't have to be at the bedside. Goodluck!

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

There are plenty of opportunities in nursing besides bedside nursing or floor nursing. Check out your options. Maybe there is something available that you'd like better. I certainly don't want to be a floor nurse for the rest of my life, but I am one of those people that feels compelled to master a thing before moving on to the next. Not that anyone ever masters floor nursing, but when I get to a certain comfort level with it, where I feel like they can throw anything at me and I can handle it, then it will be time to move on.

Have you considered OR nursing? You have one patient at a time, they are unconscious a good amount of the time, your job (if a circulator) involves a lot of paperwork, and you get your breaks. It's not for me because I enjoy interacting with the patients and I don't want to lose my skills before I've even developed them fully, but some day when I'm ready for a change, I might pursue it.

[caliotter3]

You posted that you were having trouble dealing with the hectic pace of hospital nursing. You should at least try some of the nursing options where you only work with one or two patients at a time. Home health is one. As long as you do patient care, you are only responsible for the paperwork dealing with your one patient. And like the previous poster said, you might like working in the OR, or ICU. Try any area where your patient load is limited. Explore the other avenues also. Maybe you can find some area that suits you better and allows you to use your talents without making you feel so unhappy. Everybody on this site stands behind whatever decision you make to make your life the way you want it to be.

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

Thrashej, you don't have to do the 1 year of med/surg thing. Many specialties will hire a new grad. Maybe you could shadow nurses in different specialties to get a feeling of what interests you? I know if I had started in med/surg I'd be frustrated too..what with the ridiculous patient loads etc.

That being said, you have to follow your gut. Many people are frustrated and feel scared the first year or two as a nurse, but deep down I still knew that this is a career I feel at home in.(God help me!) It's your life and you have to make decisions for it regardless of what anyone else thinks. I wish you all the best...stop beating up on yourself.:icon_hug:

[llg, PhD, RN]

If you truly feel that there is no specialty or nursing role that would be satisfactory to you, by all means leave nursing. However, you might want to try to find something very part time to "keep your hand in" while you search for another career. You may find that you need the money someday or that you might change your mind and you don't want to burn your bridges behind you.

How much experience do you have in the workworld outside of nursing? Were you happy with any of those experiences? Try a few other types of jobs and work in those fields a little before you invest again in an expensive education for another career that you might hate as much as nursing. For example, you say you would rather push paper all day -- but have you ever held a job for awhile where all you did was push paper? Do you know for a fact that you would enjoy that more... or does it just seem appealing as an escape from where you are now? Before you close the door for good on nursing, make sure you actually LIKE the new career you choose and are not just thinking that you'll like it because it sounds good. That type of action is what got you into this whole mess to begin with.

Good luck to you -- wherever you end up.

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

There are plenty of opportunities in nursing besides bedside nursing or floor nursing. Check out your options. Maybe there is something available that you'd like better. I certainly don't want to be a floor nurse for the rest of my life, but I am one of those people that feels compelled to master a thing before moving on to the next. Not that anyone ever masters floor nursing, but when I get to a certain comfort level with it, where I feel like they can throw anything at me and I can handle it, then it will be time to move on.

Have you considered OR nursing? You have one patient at a time, they are unconscious a good amount of the time, your job (if a circulator) involves a lot of paperwork, and you get your breaks. It's not for me because I enjoy interacting with the patients and I don't want to lose my skills before I've even developed them fully, but some day when I'm ready for a change, I might pursue it.

Just an FYI, the OR has its own set of challenges. We do interact with patients and you actually have to be fairly skilled at assesment because you have a very brief period of time in which to do them. Many people are petrified about going in for surgery and if they have mental health issues, these can be exacerbated by the stress. You have to be willing to advocate for your patient which can involve butting heads with the surgeon or anesthesia if protocols aren't being followed. There is paperwork, but it's by no means the bulk of your job.

As far as "losing your skills", yes, the OR is different from the floors in many ways, but we still put in foleys, maintain skin integrity, assess, give meds and blood, and even put in the odd IV here and there. I can read EKG's. We get regular codes, and plenty of Code Browns. And then there are all the OR specific skills you have to learn. I'm sure I sound defensive but I kind of get tired of people assuming that the OR is a cakewalk or is somehow "easier' than floor nursing. Yes, we only have 1 patient at a time but as a circulator, you will get blamed for everything that goes wrong in that room, even if it's not your fault(saw a nurse get in trouble once because the doc was swearing-she was told she was running the room so she was responsible for keeping him in line!). We tend to get our breaks, but when you have a patient on the table, this can mean 6,7,8 hours in a room and you can't leave without someone coming in to relieve you. In short, the OR is a specialty where you have to truly love it to thrive..if the OP goes into it as a "second choice" or because she's been told it's somehow easier, she will be shocked.

Didn't mean to rant, LOL. But this week at work, i was talking to an ex-classmate and she said she might want to try the OR because it "won't be as difficult as floor nursing". I have great respect for the OR nurses who trained me so I'm a little protective and sensitive!

[jjjoy, LPN]

My experience has been similar as well. Your description is painfully familiar. Though it is reassuring to know that others have had a similar experience. You can look up my previous posts for more background.

The juggling act that is bedside nursing just doesn't suit me. And the hands-on clinical tasks don't interest me in the long run, either, so I haven't pursued other options like home health. What I did was apply for administrative-type entry-level jobs at a local hospital and eventually one opened up that interested me and that someone was willing to hire me for (being "overqualified" as I was often considered to be). I've been at an office job for the last few years and that suits me well. I like sitting down at my computer and organizing my day. I'm working with information, not patients, but I still get to learn the interesting medical stuff. And I don't hate going to work each day. I'm not counting the minutes til I can leave. I don't get sick thinking of work. And I even am working in a field that relates to my education (nursing/health care). No one expects someone who majored in economics to be an economist - so I try to look at my nursing degree as more of a general health science degree - at least in regard to job qualifications. I do keep my license active since I'm still in health care.

Listen to YOUR gut. It's your life. Good luck!!

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

I really appreciate all the feedback. And really appreciate no one slamming me for how I feel.

I know there is some kind of administrative side of nursing that may interest me, I am just not sure I can get there without clinical experience. I did "push paper" in a previous job as a medical claims auditor. I actually liked the job, just wanted to learn more. I would really like something in research I think, but back office. I don't think the hands on patient care is for me, really. I am pretty sure I am not going to stay with my current job, even if I just take time off and work outside of nursing for a while to contemplate my plan for the future.

I really thank you all again!