I think I really screwed up choosing nursing

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

Well, thinking about leaving my second job as a new grad since May. I can't believe I am right back where I was in July, but here I am.

Is there shame in admitting a career choice just is not for you? That you royally screwed up but unfortunately didn't 100% realize it until you graduated and started working? I picked nursing not because I was always interested in the field, liked what nurses do, or loved patient contact. I picked it because I loved to learn, felt their was opportunity in nursing, and because the school was geographically close to home. Yep, that's it. There were other things I was more interested in pursuing, but those degrees required more time, money, and long commutes. So I "settled" for nursing.

I did well in school. The bookwork came pretty easy. I got good grades with little effort. Like I said, I love learning. But I dreaded clinicals. I dreaded the hands-on, the skills. I always felt like a fish out of water. Even if Block 4. Everyone told me that was just anxiety because I was doing something new and lacked confidence and that it would be different when I was actually working as an RN. I kept telling myself that, saying to myself, "just get the degree". Well, it's no different now. I dread going to work in the morning. Actually I start dreading it several days BEFORE so I am really anxious even on my days off! I honestly can say that I don't really enjoy anything about nursing so far. When I don't get breaks or lunches I just get annoyed. I don't think of what I love and so wow it is all still worth it...The only thing that interests me is the constant learning the profession offers. I like helping the patients but mostly I just feel frustrated that I can't help them more or in the ways they need to be helped. I feel that even if you have the compassion for patients, it is hard to take good care of them, as busy as this profession is. Personally, I'd rather push paper somewhere outside of nursing for less money and volunteer in a hospital, where you can feel like you make a difference!!!

I have been told by others that I am good with patients, am caring, am sympathetic. My last job I was told that I was progressing just as they expected a new grad to. So basically, I don't think I can't do this job (ok, sometimes I do). In fact, if I went now to my manager about wanting to quit I'd probably get the whole "it's just new" speel. Even my husband encourages me telling me how smart I am and that he knows I would be a good nurse, etc. etc...I just don't think I am going to ever be happy doing this job. I am frustrated because every time I vent to others (especially other new grads) I get the same lecture. The one given here as well. The speel about how all new grads feel this way, confidence comes with time, the first 1-2 years is hell, etc, etc, etc. BUT...shouldn't there be something I like about my job?? Even when I get the paycheck, all I think is "wow, this is not worth it". When I get to the hospital door in the morning, all I want to do is run the other way. I watch the clock, how much longer before I can LEAVE? I don't get warm fuzzies helping patients although I do feel sorry for many of them but helping them somehow isn't really rewarding to me. I know this is how I feel yet I still go back and forth about whether I need to stick this out! Make this magical year work. It is so stressful..I feel double stressful when you just can't see the reasons why you are doing something. I can make some money in another job, albeit less but I also won't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. For direction, I seek everyone else's opinion rather than trusting myself. I just don't want it to be that fear got the best of me but all things considered...do you think it is time to wave the white flag, admit I made a mistake, and move on to the next career choice?? How sad that i didn't get out sooner, but what can you do?

All my friends just say I am scared, we all feel this way, etc, etc. I remind them how I told them all through school I wasn't sure this was for me and they just say "you have to think positive and just do it". I guess society is just so against getting degree and then not using it. It is so taboo. My family thinks I need to give up nursing now and pick something else, that it was never right for me. My husband just thinks my family is being unsupportive and doesn't want me to succeed. Why is it just not OK for me not to like this? And even more troubling, why can't I just admit to myself I don't like it and not feel guilty and MOVE ON? A lot of this is my fault, the whole going back and forth!

How do you quit and tell your manager, Oops, sorry for wasting your time but I finally realize nursing is not for me? This is just so embarrassing. If I give this up this time, I am never coming back. I think maybe this is not my "niche" but I don't know if there is any niche for me here. I wish there were others like me here who just really made the wrong decision. I don't know who I pursued this for but it sure doesn't feel like me. I think I'd rather sit in a lab and spin blood samples in a centrifuge. That was one of the things that looked better in the beginning!!!

I guess a life spent making mistakes is better than a life spent doing nothing!?

thanks for listening.

[caliotter3]

You may be right in concluding that you made the wrong career choice, but I do believe that you are not giving yourself enough time to adjust and get your feet on the ground to make the decision to leave nursing forever. Think it over and give it one more try. If you need to go to another job, try another place. Maybe you are just going to workplaces that are not the right fit for you. Good luck with your decision. And even if you do leave, nursing, I highly suggest that your keep your nursing license current and active. You never know when life's circumstances may bring you to the point that you need that license to get a job out of necessity. Like they say, nursing is a career that you can always fall back on.

[Katnip, RN]

To be honest, I don't believe you need to have a calling for nursing, but I do believe that you need to actually be drawn to the field for reasons beyond what you listed.

Nursing isn't for everyone, and it may not be for you. Just like engineering, teaching, or firefighting isn't for everyone. There's no shame in that.

[marie-francoise]

I would NOT be embarrassed. I'm a nursing student and feel the exact way you do - I am doing great with the book work, don't find nursing school difficult, but do not like clinicals and know I could never do bedside nursing. I'm just not willing to now.

If you read my posts, you will see that I am in sympathy with you.

I had the intention to work as a bedside nurse when earlier on in nursing school, even was very intent on getting an externship to continue bedside care during my summer breaks - but no more. After clinicals and learning more and more about why there is a nursing shortage and the cycling impact it is having on nursing working conditions, etc., etc. - I just know I couldn't do it.

I think the feds have to get involved and help improve nursing. I don't see it happening from hospital admin, or even from nurses learning to tolerate the bedside day to day. I really think the feds have to step in to address the fact that the current bottom-line approach to patient care is just untenable. It's appalling how the "suits" have diminished patient care and nursing working conditions.

Anyway, if I were to pursue nursing, I would probably end up exactly like you, except I wouldn't be that embarrassed about my decision.

And don't listen to others who are telling you to pursue something you don't like. You are the most knowledgeable person in the world as to what you yourself like and don't like to do. And besides, they don't know the situation as well as you. Ask them to try it... they would probably understand then.

And I don't believe the spiel any longer about "you're new and this, too, shall pass". I mean, to an extent it is true. But in nursing, I'm having my doubts that it gets MUCH better even as one learns the ropes... I don't even think nursing is particularly a calling for most people. If it were, this nursing shortage would be even worse, because the number of saints in the world is likely few indeed. (We're only human!)

Anyway, back to studying for finals! (I don't mind studying...) Some working nurses may be able to give you better advice. But you do sound like me in so many ways.

[weirdRN, RN]

I have been out of nursing school as an RN for a year and a half, and I feel very similiar to you. I settled for the nearly same reasons.

My problem is wanting to do more, go beyond boundaries set by the institutions way above me. I want to give better care than I am allowed by the patient loads given to me.

I thought the money would be enough, that I would be content with what I was making, but the money isn't all that great for the amount of work and stress that I have because of nursing.

The attitudes of the nurses around me mirror what you have said. "Give it some time. You'll be fine. You do a great job."

I think I would be happier flipping burgers, but I spent all that money on something that has brought me such misery! How can I possibly walk away?

[Tangerine Lipgloss]

Listen, you know exactly what is right for you and what isn't. Don't listen to anyone try to talk you out of it.

Listen to your gut. What does your gut say? Do that. Just do what is best for you, it is your life. No knowledge/learning is wasted, ever.

Good luck. Be happy.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

To be honest, I don't believe you need to have a calling for nursing, but I do believe that you need to actually be drawn to the field for reasons beyond what you listed.

Nursing isn't for everyone, and it may not be for you. Just like engineering, teaching, or firefighting isn't for everyone. There's no shame in that.

I agree . . . . a "calling" is not what brought me to nursing. And it isn't necessary to be a good nurse.

I'm leaving bedside nursing. Returning to school in order to do public health. I've also been on mission trips to Vietnam twice and that is really what I love. The contact with people. No charting!!

The field of nursing is so huge though - there may be another area that you would like. Maybe think of a few of these and shadow a nurse for a day or two. Write down what you do like and what you don't like (which you've pretty much done in your post) and then see if there is a nursing job that would fit.

Or, as others have said, there is no shame in deciding you made a mistake.

Many people change their minds - after getting their education. I worked with a physician who was a teacher and went back to medical school. My son got a degree to teach and is now looking at grad school for sports marketing. My first major was Social Work. I'm a nurse now and heading in another direction within nursing.

I still question myself though - is it worth it to spend thousands of dollars at my age?

Life is complicated.

steph

[LiverpoolJane]

I agree with the other respondees, you shouldn't stay if it is really filling you with dread but I would encourage you to look at jobs that still require a nurse but in a more academic capacity. I don't know much about healthcare in the US but are there opportunities do a research secondment? Or have you considered a job as a nurse educator for a medical company. Again I'm not sure how it compares to the US but in the UK the companies who make for eg, blood glucose monitors, cardiac monitors etc employ nurse educators who are able to communicate well and demonstrate their products. They may well provide a company car, laptop and cell phone as well as paying a bonus.

It just seems a shame after putting so much effort into achieving something that you won't use it.

I hope you make the right decision whatever you do.

[sistasoul]

I understand how you feel. I am a nursing student who plans on working on a med-surge floor after graduation to see how it goes. I love patient care but can see the stress of being a floor nurse. I question my decision because of this stress. I also work as an LNA on a cardiac floor and see the stress there also. I know what I am getting into. I told myself when I graduate I will try the hospital and if I find the stress is too much I plan to work in an office and keep the hospital per diem.

Have you thought of doing something like this? Office nursing will have its own set of stressors but most likely people will not be on the verge of death and you can deal with one patient at a time.

please don't throw in the towel yet. You have worked to hard for that degree.

Best wishes in your decision

Nurse wannabee

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

Well, we've all heard this before......I am somewhat intersted in other areas of nursing outside of a hospital setting (office setting, reasearch nursing, etc) but all these require experience. I just don't think I have it in me right now (or ever!) to push through a hellish 1st year in med surg just to get to the other side. I don't think I can be miserable that long, no matter what the payoff. Plus, I don't think that is fair to the patients either. Patient safety has to be #1. I like people, I do. I just don't think I am enough of a "people person" for this field.

Sometimes I think a specialty would suit me better, like L&D, but truth is I didn't enjoy that that much in school. I was afraid I'd be committing professional suicide quitting this most recent job (since I quit my last one very quickly) but pretty much I am at a point where I just don't care and need some time to step back and reevaluate everything in my life. I guess if I maintain my license and come back to nursing in a few years and I can't get hired, well, so be it. I can't live my life in terms of "what if".

It is really comforting to know that there are others out there like me. I am fortunate to have a choice, some are not so lucky depending on their life circumstances. But how many nurses out there would stay in nursing if they didn't need to make X amount of money? If they could drop down in pay, would they be somewhere else?? Very possible.

Thanks for not throwing stones!

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

Have you thought of doing something like this? Office nursing will have its own set of stressors but most likely people will not be on the verge of death and you can deal with one patient at a time.

please don't throw in the towel yet. You have worked to hard for that degree.

Best wishes in your decision

Nurse wannabee

I've thought about something like this. What I really hate about nursing is being so incredible busy that you don't even have time to think sometimes. The pace is just out of this world and I guess I need more time to process my thoughts and do quality work. If I could focus on one patient at a time I think this would be better. If I could deal with paper rather than people I think I'd like it better too. All the responsibilty is just not worth it IMHO. To be crazy busy, like a chicken with your head cut off, going as fast as you can but it is never enough, all the time worrying if you are one step away from a fatal med error..it is just too much for twenty some bucks an hour. Makes my previous careers seem like a cakewalk!

[boomer28]

I think I know how you feel. I started out in engineering for the same reasons you decided to become a nurse- it just seemed the most practical and I felt like I settled because it seemed like the best option, but not what I really wanted to do. I figured out before I graduated that it wasn't what I thought it would be and that I hated it. I think you just know that a career is not a right fit, it's just hard admitting to yourself that it's not working because you feel stupid. Having made the change to a different career in nursing (not easy!) I know that I love it and I made the right choice. Therefore, I would suggest to you to find something you really love and work towards that. I think that you know by now in your gut whether or not you want to stick with nursing. Good luck!