I think I cry too much about patients?

Nursing Students General Students

Published

Hello, I am in my 3rd semester of clinicals and I am now on a telemetry floor. The patients are way sicker than what I am used to and codes are called frequently. In the 5 weeks since clinical began, we have already had 3 student assigned patients die either the night before or day of care.

I've always been emotional and I have very leaky eyes. However, while I'm fighting back tears, I notice no one else in my group seems as saddened. Well I won't assume they don't care, they are just much more professional and have better control over their emotions than me and now I'm getting worried about my future.

Sometimes when I am in a patients room and I see them clearly in pain or struggling to move, I start feeling the stinging in my eyes and i have to raise my head to stop it. It's like a handicap now.

What can I do? I can't talk to my professors becuase I'm afraid they'll think I'm mentally incapable of continuing the program.

Is it possible I AM mentally/emotionally incapable of being a nurse? Please help :(

I can't speak from the perspective of someone who is in the nursing field already (I just got accepted into a nursing program myself), but I don't think you are unfit just because you show your emotions easily. I don't think it will be easy for ANYONE in the nursing field to deal with emotions regarding patient death or suffering, and everyone deals with it differently. I think you just need to find your own way to cope with the emotional difficulties of your career. Maybe you would find it helpful to have someone to talk to about your emotional hardships! :)

Specializes in Neurosciences, stepdown, acute rehab, LTC.

I had a slow time getting my emotions out of the way too , I think eventually once you're a little tougher it works in your favor

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

Do not be ashamed of your emotions. They indicate you're human...

However...you must learn to compartmentalize your feelings more effectively because shedding tears over every single patient is a surefire path to complete destruction and utter burnout.

This might sound cold of me, but here's my outlook. The patients are not my personal friends. They are not my family members. I am not emotionally attached to them, although I care about them while I am assigned to them and strive to provide competent care and promote optimal outcomes. Tearjerking gets in the way of the job that you need to do.

Your patients and their families need a level-headed nurse who can be strong during their times of crisis. Good luck to you.

Specializes in Neonatal.
Do not be ashamed of your emotions. They indicate you're human...

However...you must learn to compartmentalize your feelings more effectively because shedding tears over every single patient is a surefire path to complete destruction and utter burnout.

This might sound cold of me, but here's my outlook. The patients are not my personal friends. They are not my family members. I am not emotionally attached to them, although I care about them while I am assigned to them and strive to provide competent care and promote optimal outcomes. Tearjerking gets in the way of the job that you need to do.

Your patients and their families need a level-headed nurse who can be strong during their times of crisis. Good luck to you.

This, entirely. I started out in hospice as a nursing assistant 10 years ago, and after 6 years of working there I can count on one FINGER the amount of times I cried over the loss of a patient. Some people are better at it than others, some people have to learn. I now work in NICU; there are times I am overcome with passion with what I'm talking to a parent about that brings me to tears, but that's about it. You will find your inner strength. But don't be too hard on yourself about it, I am not a cold-hearted person by any means and it has always weirded me out at how easily my wall comes up at work.

There is a lot of nursing that does not have to do with dead or dying patients. School nursing, community health nursing, outpatient psychiatric nursing, or even med surg in a facility for elective plastic surgeries are a few that come to mind. Get through nursing school, pay your dues, and find your niche.

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
There is a lot of nursing that does not have to do with dead or dying patients.
It's not just death and dying that causes the OP to cry. She also tearjerks if a patient appears to be in pain or has difficulty moving. See the quote below:

Sometimes when I am in a patients room and I see them clearly in pain or struggling to move, I start feeling the stinging in my eyes and i have to raise my head to stop it. It's like a handicap now.
Specializes in Neuroscience.

You'll get past it. Read this:

I Wish I Could Cry With You, But I Can’t | Nurse Eye Roll

Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

It may not hurt to go to someone who is certified in hypnosis and learn some relaxation techniques to help you cope.

My mother took me to a self-hypnosis class a long time ago at a community college, because she thought I was still pretty high-strung at age 18. We had a good time, the class was fun, and I did learn a few things that are quite useful.

There are some who think hypnotism is a lot of hoo-doo, but really all it does is help you learn to focus or refocus. I can still close my eyes all these years later, take a deep breathe and say the word I chose in that class as my 'key' word, and bring on a more relaxed state.

Some don't have to go to a class to learn this, but I say....whatever it takes. If a structure is what you need, this is one method of building that structure into your mindset.

Specializes in Nephrology.

I say utilize your post conference at the end of each clinical day and debrief with your peers. So many times after a patient dies it has consoled me to talk out out. It's okay to cry and shows how compassionate you are.

My problem is in L&D. I find the wonder of new life coming into the world is such an emotional event that it is really difficult not to get all teary eyed from the sheer joy. But there is work to be done! Need to see clearly to do it. Also, wiping your tears means you have to wash your hands again. Plus who wants to see such an awesome event blurred by tears?

You sound compassionate which many patients would like. You never know.. you might care for them more than their own relatives it sounds like! When you were a patient, did you prefer nurses who cared (and showed it) or nurses/healthcare providers who were curt and abrupt/cruel? Obviously the former... People will notice that you care for them bc of them, and not think of them as just another number. IMO.

Personally, I hate nurses or healthcare people who treat wrongly.. even reported some as former patient :o i.e., investigated :o

I might not do it when the "boss" is around or instructors, but when it's just you and the patient.. fine and good, and they'll appreciate it/notice it.

+ Add a Comment