Hello, I am in my 3rd semester of clinicals and I am now on a telemetry floor. The patients are way sicker than what I am used to and codes are called frequently. In the 5 weeks since clinical began, we have already had 3 student assigned patients die either the night before or day of care.
I've always been emotional and I have very leaky eyes. However, while I'm fighting back tears, I notice no one else in my group seems as saddened. Well I won't assume they don't care, they are just much more professional and have better control over their emotions than me and now I'm getting worried about my future.
Sometimes when I am in a patients room and I see them clearly in pain or struggling to move, I start feeling the stinging in my eyes and i have to raise my head to stop it. It's like a handicap now.
What can I do? I can't talk to my professors becuase I'm afraid they'll think I'm mentally incapable of continuing the program.
Is it possible I AM mentally/emotionally incapable of being a nurse? Please help
Like most things the way to go is moderation. Of course a stonehearted cruel b***h plays well in the movies but isn't really an effective nurse but neither is the blubbery wimple (that usually gets slapped also in the movies to "snap her out of it").
You have been at this new life experience just a few semesters and come into the most emotional time in many people's lives. It takes some getting used to and if you keep at it you will probably find your happy medium. Talk it out at post clinical discussions. Focus on your tasks at hand and tell yourself you are more helpful to your patient by staying in your role as their nurse. They are counting on your knowledge and expertise when the goin' gets rough.
If you do find that it just doesn't get more manageable then, yes, there are more removed aspects of nursing to consider. Pre-op and OR nursing come to mind.
You are learning so many new things. Not just book-learning but a whole culture. This body of knowledge that makes us a profession.
Hang in there and give yourself a little compassion too.
I do this a lot still, too. I think the one that was really difficult for me was when I was assigned a TOF baby and her family was never there (they lived far away, I guess was the situation). All she wanted was to be freaking held and talked to. It was the saddest thing. She was struggling with her breathing and she was lonely and so I went in and held her and it was so hard to hold back the tears MY GOD. My instructor came in and noticed she was probably way too dyspneic and we ended up ET suctioning (which was the first time I had ever assisted with that) her and freaking her out. After we were done, I held her for an hour and sang to her as she fell asleep. So sweet, such a sweet little face, so much profound suffering for such a little baby with no one there to comfort her and keep her company. Very difficult to not want to just excuse myself and go cry.
I noticed that after that, though, the more and more I was going through struggling with the difficult patients, it became easier to adjust my perspective and look at them and see what I could do for them. What we are always told is that it is about the patients, not us. Somehow that's supposed to make me tear up less but I still do on occasion. The more I repeat that internally to myself, the easier it is to overcome. They are suffering, yes, it is profoundly sad, but we are there to care for them. The loss and suffering do not belong to us. We are there at the beginning of life and at the end of life. As deep as the emotions are that words like that can bring up, we are infinitely privileged and simultaneously burdened to do so.
If it helps, my instructors cry on the way home after difficult days. They just save it until they can get it out. I do that, too, sometimes. It gets easier to save it for the end of the day.
My problem is in L&D. I find the wonder of new life coming into the world is such an emotional event that it is really difficult not to get all teary eyed from the sheer joy. But there is work to be done! Need to see clearly to do it. Also, wiping your tears means you have to wash your hands again. Plus who wants to see such an awesome event blurred by tears?
I totally wanted to cry when I saw my first vag birth. It was so amazing! It was impossible not to be overwhelmed. I think one thing that kind of solidified not crying for me though was I happened to mention it to the mother (who was very all about herself and much younger than I was -- could never comprehend asking to put the things on Facebook that she wanted to) and she was like, "Why? You didn't give birth. It's not YOUR baby." Well, shoot, excuse me. No one else but my instructor, me and your nurse were there cuz you told all your family to get out for no good reason. Sorry to share the emotion of how awesome it was that you just gave birth. <_>
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Mavrick, BSN, RN
1,578 Posts
Like most things the way to go is moderation. Of course a stonehearted cruel b***h plays well in the movies but isn't really an effective nurse but neither is the blubbery wimple (that usually gets slapped also in the movies to "snap her out of it").
You have been at this new life experience just a few semesters and come into the most emotional time in many people's lives. It takes some getting used to and if you keep at it you will probably find your happy medium. Talk it out at post clinical discussions. Focus on your tasks at hand and tell yourself you are more helpful to your patient by staying in your role as their nurse. They are counting on your knowledge and expertise when the goin' gets rough.
If you do find that it just doesn't get more manageable then, yes, there are more removed aspects of nursing to consider. Pre-op and OR nursing come to mind.
You are learning so many new things. Not just book-learning but a whole culture. This body of knowledge that makes us a profession.
Hang in there and give yourself a little compassion too.