Okay, first I want to make it clear that this is not a thread about religion. Please, let's not discuss our personal views of religion, that isn't my topic.
Here is my problem. I have two patients, D and J. D and J (I'm serious here folks) share the same biological mother and they share the same husband. D is preggers with her 17th child and J is preggers with her 14th child. There are several other wives to this gentleman but they aren't my patients.
Today I was talking to the MD office getting some orders (home infusion co,) and although the topic was J I mentioned something I needed for D as well. The woman on the phone acted confused and I was trying to explain their relationship tactfully. I started to say that D was going to borrow something from her ... frie... sist... umm... suddenly I drew a total blank at how they would refer to one another. I finally blurted out "co-wives!" Oh geez, what an idiot I am. The stuttering and stammering on my part was not intentional, I was actually looking for a respectful term and I wasn't coming up with anything and the more I stammered trying to find the right term the more it looked like I was looking for a smart remark or insulting term. It felt like this went on for a long time but it was really just seconds. The more I realized what a butt I was making of myself the more I stuttered and couldn't come up with a word.
Finally the woman on the phone kindly reminded me that we are all women and they are just like me. Just women. She did think I was trying to come up with an insulting remark. She was also tactfully telling me that she is also one of many wives to the same husband.
I just came clean with her. I said look, I don't know how I am going to get out of this one other than to apologize. I was trying to come up with a respectful term and I drew a blank. I am so very sorry. She laughed and told me she was used to this. I did explain that I just froze and nothing bright was coming to mind. I really was looking for a respectful term.
She laughed and said not to worry, she believed me. But she just asked me one question, would I please just promise her one thing. I said sure, what is it? She asked that I not believe everything I see and hear in the media. She said it just isn't like the media makes this out to be.
A little history. I live in Arizona and there are parts of AZ that have Mormons that believe in this lifestyle. There has been a great deal of media coverage on this and the are blasting these folks. I really don't know much about this lifestyle but today I realized I need to learn about it.
I am in serious need of a lesson in culture here. I point blank admitted this to the woman on the phone. She said she would see what she could find. I was looking for something to read and understand their point of view. She said she would do some checking and let me know.
A couple of hours later she called me and said that she came up with.. nothing. They are extremely private people and they just don't talk about their world much and they don't write about it. She asked around and pondered this since our previous conversation and she wasn't able to come up with anything.
I asked if I could ask a question and she said sure, go for it. I asked my question and she answered from her point of view.
This makes me realize, I don't want to be in that position again. I want to learn more about this but I don't know how. I want to be respectful of my patients but I'm at a loss as to how to do this.
Any suggestions for some good reading? A place where my questions will be answered? The more I understand their ways of living and thinking the better I can do for my two patients.
Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. And does anyone have any similar experiences?
