I Remember What It Was Like To Be A Terrified Nursing Student
I've learned a bit in nearly four decades at the bedside -- and I still remember what it was like to be brand new. Here's some wisdom -- and an invitation for my fellow senior nurses to add their own.
I can assure you that despite my 38 years of experience, I remember vividly what it was like to be a terrified student or new graduate nurse on the nursing unit for the first time. Most of us old nurses haven't forgotten what it's like to be new; we've just accumulated a whole lot more experience and quite a bit of wisdom as well -- and we can tell you that sometimes things aren't precisely the way you think they are.
Sometimes your work colleagues really don't like you -- and sometimes the reason is that you're unlikable.
I can say this with some surety because I remember vividly what it was like to be a terrified new grad on the nursing unit for the first year. I was so scared -- of the patients, of my co-workers, of the doctors, of my boss and of making a horrible mistake -- that I was tense, humorless and generally unlikable. Once I accumulated some experience and some knowledge and was able to relax just a bit, people started liking me.
It wasn't that they were horrible people intent on devouring new grads. It's just that some new grads aren't very likable.
I know that you're loaded down with compassion and empathy and all that, but the patient who is throwing his food trays at you because he doesn't like his diagnosis really doesn't have an excuse for his behavior. Sure he's upset and scared -- I get that -- better than most of you do, because I've been there. But being upset and scared doesn't give you a license for physical (or verbal) aggression directed at others.
"Customer Service" is a trend that will eventually die. No matter how many patients have to die because of customer service first. It makes no sense to base health care reimbursement or raises or anything, really, on the "customer service" model.
A happy customer is someone who has everything his way.
Patients don't get to have everything their way.
A nurse who gives them cupcakes when their blood sugar is 699 or a big glass of water when they're on a fluid restriction or anything when they're NPO is likely to get a great survey but an unhealthy patient. And aren't we in the business of promoting health?
Families who insist that it's "their right" to be at the bedside usually aren't there to be supportive of the patient. And they usually aren't supportive of the patient. If I have to wake you up because your mother is calling your name and wants you to hold her hand, you're not being supportive.
If you're there to translate for your father who doesn't speak English, you'll need to get out of your comfortable nest and translate when we need to give your father directions.
If you want to sleep, go elsewhere.
And before anyone snaps at me that I clearly don't get it, that of course families have a right . . . understand that I've spent more time as a patient than as a nurse in the past two years. I get it.
The family member who wants to be at the bedside to support the patient will tell you that, not insist upon "their rights." Family members who TELL you that they're there to support the patient may not always have that clear and unselfish an agenda, but those who insist upon their "rights" are unlikely in the extreme to be anything approaching supportive.
Nurses wouldn't mind family being at the bedside if the family knew how to behave in public. But that's a whole another thread -- one that I've already started and one that I may start again, just for fun.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Ruby, I just have to say that it strikes me that you dislike young people and new nurses. My perception is that you rail against them just as much as you decry their categorizing all older nurses as "crusty old bats."
In my observations, it seems like you dismiss contrary opinions as "you're young, you just don't know" or "you're new, you just don't know" without giving any credit for life experience or intelligence. And this is coming from someone who is neither young nor new, but just an observation.
That's your opinion and, of course, you are entitled to it. But if I really disliked young people and new nurses, I wouldn't spend the time, energy and bandwidth that I do trying to help them grow into Crusty Old Bats of wisdom and experience without having suffered from making the same mistakes that I've either made or closely observed someone making. Many of the statements made by the young can ONLY be made by someone without the life experience to see how truly wrong they are . . . and many of those statements made here will make the poster cringe in shame after they've accumulated some experience both in nursing or in life. Unfortunately, however, life experience does not always bestow wisdom -- and some folks are blessed to make it through life without ever experiencing any true problems. I'm not targeting those folks. I can't help them. But as far as the new nurses who are open to learning and young people who aren't so sure they know it all that they won'd listen to the advice of someone a generation (or so) older . . . . both my real life work and my time on the internet are spent trying to help them figure things out. I wouldn't do that if I disliked them so much.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I see what you are saying and I agree with this statement. But I don't take qualms with visitors who decide to stay over night so as long as they aren't disruptive or impeding patient care.
The thing is, so many are not only impeding patient care (icuRNmaggie's example) but disruptive. That's a change in the last decade or so. Visitors used to be respectful of the hospital staff, the patient's roommate and anyone else they encountered. Now not so much. There are threads about terrible visitors . . . they'll make you laugh, gag and cry. Not necessarily in that order.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
That's your opinion and, of course, you are entitled to it. But if I really disliked young people and new nurses, I wouldn't spend the time, energy and bandwidth that I do trying to help them ...
You may be right, and I may be crazy. But you make comments frequently that *appear* disdainful of "young" or "new" people. I'm not saying this to attack you; I'm saying this because perhaps you don't realize how you may come across to many people. Just a recent example
My guess is that you aren't a nurse yet. And that the OP is a new nurse. You're both young and have much to learn.
Well, as we later learned, the OP in that thread was actually a nurse of 20+ years of experience. But it seems that because she did something that you would not have done, would have done differently, you automatically assumed she was both new and young. You don't see how that comment seems so patronizing (not to mention inaccurate and unfair)?
You may be right, and I may be crazy. But you make comments frequently that are disdainful of "young" or "new" people. I'm not saying this to attack you; I'm saying this because perhaps you don't realize how you often come across to many people. Just a recent example
Well, as we later learned, the OP in that thread was actually a nurse of 20+ years of experience. But it seems that because she did something that you would not have done, would have done differently, you automatically assumed she was both new and young. You don't see how that comment seems so patronizing (not to mention inaccurate and unfair)?
By the same token, dudette10, I've encountered plenty of patients and family members who mistook my politeness and inclusion of them in the care as an invitation to treat me like some servant/doormat. There is a distinct, professional way of handling every family encounter (one that in my limited experience I haven't quite nailed, but am pretty close). The nurses in your situation took a completely ass-backwards approach. I must say that working in an urban center I am exposed to a wide diversity of personalities, and the correct approach to handle them is always changing. Not to imply that you (personally) are anything closely resembling "difficult," but I've seen the type.
The people who will boldly question the way a nurse does a dressing, then pose the same skepticism towards the surgeon who does it? Yeah, those people are of no use to anybody (patient included). There's a reason why nurses and doctors aren't just any Joe on the street, but exceptionally qualified individuals who undergo rigorous education and training. This consumer healthcare, where the customer is always right, is destructive to the will and spirit of dedication that drives people to work in healthcare.
I completely agree that some visitors/family members are certifiable, make pt care difficult, and aren't helping anyone. Least of all the patient. I have a couple doozies in the "worst visitor" thread.
I was responding to specific examples with a different perspective that I felt strongly about. Like visitors/family members that don't actively help their loved ones. Or family members who want to stay 24/7. I was both many moons ago. Or question the way I do things, which, truth be told, are legitimate about 50% of the time. (Sometimes patients are educated about something, and it changes in the hospital due to acute illness, and they need an explanation. It may manifest as an accusatory, "Why are you doing that!?")
And yes, some can be educated until you're blue in the face. But it won't make a damn bit of difference because they are JERKS!
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Well, as we later learned, the OP in that thread was actually a nurse of 20+ years of experience. But it seems that because she did something that you would not have done, would have done differently, you automatically assumed she was both new and young. You don't see how that comment seems so patronizing (not to mention inaccurate and unfair)?
I asked the OP in my very first post on the thread if there was a reason she had delayed so long in renewing her license. There were several posts bemoaning how "HR's mistake" or "IT" had hurt her paycheck and they should have been able to keep up, but no post explaining why she waited too long. I assumed then, incorrectly it seems, that she was a newbie renewing her license for the first time and not getting the importance of allowing lead time for HR and IT to keep up.
Recently, there has been a post from the OP explaining that she's had 20 years of experience and that family responsibilities and the need for CEUs kept her from renewing in what most would consider to be a more reasonable length of time. I can't help but wonder why she didn't offer that up at the start of the thread, or at the very least, when she was asked why she didn't renew earlier. But I digress. Yes, I was wrong. I apologize to the OP for assuming she was new and young.
I feel that some nurses, because of their own negative experiences with some family members, tend to project those experiences onto other family members too readily, and perceive offensive, threatening behaviors in family members often when the family members are not obstructing care or presenting other threats. The majority of experiences I have had with nurses when my family members have been hospitalized have been positive; some have been so-so, and a few have been negative. I will share one example of a negative experience:
I believe that being kind and respectful to visitors has therapeutic properties for the patient, the visitor and even for myself. We all would like to have a calm harmonious atmosphere for our patients, their families and ourselves. There are however some disturbed people in this world who come in looking to pick a fight, or find grounds for a lawsuit and seize any opportunity to lash out at nurse. We can even be recorded without our consent.
After all of these years of working in a fish bowl, I am sure that Susie2310 and I would have had no issues at all. In fact, we would have provided many amenities, meal vouchers, guest trays, the daily paper and a spa like private shower with a toiletry kit for a family member like you.
The visitor who is degrading to me or my coworkers receives nothing.
To answer your question, what do Critical Care nurses expect, we expect that visitors allow us access to the patient, and that you step out when asked to do so. If a person has labored breathing, now is not the time to hover over them and talk incessantly.
The rooms are never big enough, please keep your belongings in your car if you have one.
If a nurses are running back and forth answering call lights phones and alarms it's really not the ideal time to get into a lengthy discussion of you relatives code status or living situation and discharge plan.
But if you notice a change or your relative is uncomfortable in some way, please let me know right away. I will instruct you on what you can and can not do for your loved one and what you can and can not touch.
I will provide education as time permits.
As for the person who made a disrespectful comment about sleeping in your clothes, that was rude and she needs to grow up.
One more thing and this is #1 , let your family member rest, especially post op. There is a strong body of scientific evidence that supports that cells heal during rem sleep.
I appreciate your reply, and all of your expectations of family members are quite reasonable (I am an RN too). I am happy that I would have met your expectations of a family member, as I did fulfill all of the behaviors you mentioned.
Specializes in ED, Cardiac-step down, tele, med surg.
I'm going through my orientation and absolutely abhor going to work. My preceptor didn't even want to precept me (constantly tells me) and this last week told me "I hate coming to work because i have to be with you". She's an experienced nurse of 17 years. I just started this career and am already thinking of leaving. How long should I deal with this? Should I put in my two week notice? I told the nurse educator and she doesn't seem to really care. I hate hate hate going to work. Any advice would be helpful. If I finish my orientation and then turn in my two week notice would that look better than just putting in my notice now? What would I tell my next employer?
I've been in a similar situation, a hostile work environment and I did quit orientation (it was actually an unpaid residency). I was able to find an awesome job with wonderful supportive mentors that liked to teach. It was a teaching hospital. If I were in your place, I would ask for a new preceptor and tell the existing one that you don't like their disparaging comments and tell the manager. At this point in my own life, I won't tolerate being bullied again. And in my case the preceptor I had was a bully, not just a crabby nurse. I can deal with crabby and the "crusty old bats" as long as they are not disrespectful and mean. There is a difference between aggression grouchy. I am always very respectful in my interactions with people and expect the same in return and so should you.
Ruby Vee, BSN
17 Articles; 14,051 Posts
That's your opinion and, of course, you are entitled to it. But if I really disliked young people and new nurses, I wouldn't spend the time, energy and bandwidth that I do trying to help them grow into Crusty Old Bats of wisdom and experience without having suffered from making the same mistakes that I've either made or closely observed someone making. Many of the statements made by the young can ONLY be made by someone without the life experience to see how truly wrong they are . . . and many of those statements made here will make the poster cringe in shame after they've accumulated some experience both in nursing or in life. Unfortunately, however, life experience does not always bestow wisdom -- and some folks are blessed to make it through life without ever experiencing any true problems. I'm not targeting those folks. I can't help them. But as far as the new nurses who are open to learning and young people who aren't so sure they know it all that they won'd listen to the advice of someone a generation (or so) older . . . . both my real life work and my time on the internet are spent trying to help them figure things out. I wouldn't do that if I disliked them so much.