Okay, PLEASE, PLEASE let me preface this by saying this. I screwed up. I majorly, royally screwed up. I got caught doing something I was probably, seriously not supposed to be doing, and during the week that &*%$@! Joint Commission was visiting no less... I screwed up. People do things they shouldn't do; people screw up. I seem to do this a LOT.
Having said that... I feel like I was just set up. I feel like someone really wants rid of me where I work, and I feel like I have been set up. There is absolutely NO WAY this happened the way my manager said that it did. Absolutely no way. I mean, I have been racking my brain here.
Okay... I worked last night, 7p to 7a. In the mornings between 5-7 am, we have to do a med pass. We don't have med carts; all of our patients' meds are in three different Omnicells on our unit, and sometimes it takes a fair amount of time to pass all the meds plus give IV meds, shots of Lovenox, take patients to the bathroom/clean them up while you're in the room... etc..... So, a good majority of us pull our meds beforehand; ie before we even start the med pass. We don't OPEN the packages and put the pills in cups or anything; we just pull the pills, vials of medication, ALL in their original packages labeled and all, and put them in ziploc baggies with the room numbers labeled on the baggies. If I had a med cart (which would be nice), I'd put the pills, unopened and labeled, in the patients' drawers. But we don't have med carts on my unit. Anyway, so this is what some of us do. I always try and make sure I've got the pills in a secure place after I pull them and put them in the baggies; I don't just leave them out on an open counter where anyone can just walk by, see them, and take them.
So, this morning I gave all of my patients their meds. Rushing to get done in time to give report, as usual, but I gave all the meds. I **KNOW** I did. Furthermore, I **KNOW** that I did not go and pull anyone's meds out of the omnicell a second time. Number one, there is no way I had TIME to do this. Number two... I'm often pretty tired in the mornings but not THAT tired. Usually that time of the morning, I'm actually rather jazzed up and alert. It's the hours of 2, 3 AM that usually really get to me!!!
I got a call just a little while ago from the clinical manager. Apparently, a nursing student found a couple of ziploc baggies this morning with meds all in them. I was totally and completely shocked when she told me this; there is ABSOLUTELY no way that this could have happened... if so, it had to have been baggies of meds that someone from two mornings ago left laying around. IT WAS NOT ME. I GAVE THESE MEDS. Well, it is pretty well impossible that they could have been from a couple of mornings ago, unless they were found in the patients' room (the two patients' meds in question are two elderly ladies sharing the same room). The reason for that is that that place has been cleaning from top to bottom in preparation for Joint Commission.
The only other scenarios are a) I DID "double pull" the meds from the Omnicell; I actually forgot that I had already pulled these patients' meds and I pulled them again; thusly leaving the ones that I did actually pull lying somewhere... major OOPS. Or b) Someone found the baggies, empty, came to the conclusion somehow that they were mine and that I had used them in the manner that I did use them, got REALLY ticked off about it, and so my manager called to basically get me to admit that I had done so.
Yes I was careless. I should not have been pulling the meds and putting them in baggies in the first place, and then I should not have left the baggies lying around like that, especially in a week like this one.
So, I guess basically what I'm ASKING is... do I go ahead and quit without notice so I don't get fired; do I do nothing and just see what happens next, or do I come clean and admit that I made a mistake and should not have been pre-pulling the meds in the first place, and see what happens?
I'm hesitant to even bother to do that last thing, because I'm really feeling that my director, and possibly my manager too, would just as soon get rid of me and find any reason to do so. I won't get into exactly why I feel this way... no it isn't some paranoid delusion... let's just say that things have happened over the past couple of months that lead me to believe that I might be on the chopping block.
I'm worried about being able to find another job. I'll tell you what though; I am SO SO ready to leave nursing. I could walk away from it today and not look back. I am so not cut out for it; I did fairly well at my psych nursing job but that was because it seemed like non detail oriented ME, didn't have quite as many nit-picky rules, regulations and policies to deal with. Plus I didn't have to pass meds; not usually anyway. I just HATE details, and I'm "that nurse" in all of your posts about the horrid, lousy nurse that you worked with that night that drove you crazy.
Anyway, I don't know what to do now. I'm about to just go see if I can get myself a lucrative waitressing job; maybe work my way up to bartender. That would be fun. Ultimately I want to go back to being a career artist. I just want OUT of this but I still need to make at least close to what I make now! I support my family!!!
pink85
127 Posts
If you do not go in and talk to your manager you will never know what has happened or what the problem is. You may find out there is not a problem. Do you not work off of a MAR or bar coding system after you pull your meds? If so, I don't understand why it is a problem pulling your meds early. Maybe there is something I am not quite understanding. We always pull our meds early from the pyxis and then put them in their locked individual med drawers and then they are aministered via a bar code system at the time they are due.