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I am prejudiced...please read

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by Kanani_Ikike Kanani_Ikike (Member) Member

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Hello everyone out there in allnurses.com land.

I am posting this thread because I found something out about myself and I want advice to help me overcome this, thanks.

I like to think of myself as being one of the most liberal, non-judgemental human beings in America, if not on earth. I mean, I would make the ACLU look right-wing. Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that I am a sexist and I am prejudiced against male nurses. Why? I don't know. I just added two and two together and I came up with that conclusion. I just know that I recently left a job because I had a male nurse as a nurse manager.

I didn't like the poor man from day one and didn't really interact with him. He is the nicest man anyone could ever want to meet. But, for no reason, I didn't like him. And I think it's because he is a male nurse. I never disrespected him, I just didn't fraternize with him as I would have with a female nurse manager. And I am bothered by it and want to overcome it.

One more thing, here's the twist:

I don't have a problem with gay male nurses. They don't bother me and I don't feel uncomfortable around them. They often become my best friends. But a straight (heterosexual) male nurse, I don't feel comfortable at all. I think it's because, in my experiences with straight male nurses, they have lacked the emotion and nurturing attitude I attribute to nurses. They often seem abrupt and task-oriented to me.

I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this, but I want you all's opinion. I want advice on how to deal with straight male nurses. I just can't bring myself to accept them and that's not right nor good. I mean, the face of nursing is changing. And just as I expect people to accept me as a person of Polynesian/African descent, I know that they would expect me to accept them as male nurses.

What do you all think? And please, don't be afraid to let me truly HAVE IT. I mean lay it on me thick and no holds barred. Thank you for your much valued input.

Kanani:balloons:

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madwife2002 has 26 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in RN, BSN, CHDN.

1 Follower; 74 Articles; 4,777 Posts; 120,583 Profile Views

I really dont understand why, you say because they are not caring I find this is not a realistic reason. Can I ask you how long you have been feeling this way, did it just start? In general do you have a problem with men?

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Tweety has 28 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

2 Followers; 28,921 Posts; 47,765 Profile Views

I think it's great that you are becoming self-aware and honest. It's only when we do this that we change and become enlightened.

True confession: our manager just hired two nursing students for techs whom will eventually be RNs on our unit and the they are hetereosexual. The last five nurses she hired were males. I think they are attracted to the "trauma" aspect of our unit. Much to my dismay I found myself thinking "gee there are enough guys here, we need more females, or at least hire some gay guys". It wasn't a very serious thought, but it was there and came and went. I would never leave a job because of males nurses or a male manager. I think your judgements about str8 males nurses is not an accurate one.

Let the flames begin. :)

I have to look at myself deeply to understand that reaction.

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gr8rnpjt has 38 years experience as a RN and specializes in Case Management.

737 Posts; 6,800 Profile Views

Hello everyone out there in allnurses.com land.

I am posting this thread because I found something out about myself and I want advice to help me overcome this, thanks.

I like to think of myself as being one of the most liberal, non-judgemental human beings in America, if not on earth. I mean, I would make the ACLU look right-wing. Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that I am a sexist and I am prejudiced against male nurses. Why? I don't know. I just added two and two together and I came up with that conclusion. I just know that I recently left a job because I had a male nurse as a nurse manager.

I didn't like the poor man from day one and didn't really interact with him. He is the nicest man anyone could ever want to meet. But, for no reason, I didn't like him. And I think it's because he is a male nurse. I never disrespected him, I just didn't fraternize with him as I would have with a female nurse manager. And I am bothered by it and want to overcome it.

One more thing, here's the twist:

I don't have a problem with gay male nurses. They don't bother me and I don't feel uncomfortable around them. They often become my best friends. But a straight (heterosexual) male nurse, I don't feel comfortable at all. I think it's because, in my experiences with straight male nurses, they have lacked the emotion and nurturing attitude I attribute to nurses. They often seem abrupt and task-oriented to me.

I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this, but I want you all's opinion. I want advice on how to deal with straight male nurses. I just can't bring myself to accept them and that's not right nor good. I mean, the face of nursing is changing. And just as I expect people to accept me as a person of Polynesian/African descent, I know that they would expect me to accept them as male nurses.

What do you all think? And please, don't be afraid to let me truly HAVE IT. I mean lay it on me thick and no holds barred. Thank you for your much valued input.

Kanani:balloons:

I feel the same way you do. I know it is hard to admit, but truthfully, the male nurses I have come into contact with arelacking in emotional and nurturing attitudes, as you have stated. I think that male nurses are never going to be as good a nurse as me.

I never met a gay male nurse personally, but I do know some gay men and I do believe that they probably are more inclined to be more nurturing like us women, so I probably wouldn't think gay male nurses are lacking in the way that straight male nurses are.

Sorry, I am prejudiced in that respect. But, it has been my experience that the straight male nurses I've known, seem less serious about their job, they are more likely to make mistakes because they are too busy trying to flirt with the women on the unit all day. I hated following a male nurse when I worked bedside nursing, because the male nurses I knew, were scatter-brained and tended to forget and overlook a lot of important things.

Just my opinion, trying to be truthful here.

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269 Posts; 3,874 Profile Views

The problem is not in them, male nurses, the problem is in you. I do not think that all male nurses lack emotions and that is why you do not like them. I do not think that is the real reason. Would you feel comfortable in some other profession with male co-workers? I do not think you would. You probably feel insecure as a woman, as a woman around males, and you are only looking to find another name for it...male nurses lack emotions etc. That is why you don't have problems with gay male nurses. Let them be who they are, males, and you have to learn to deal with your own insecurity. You cannot run from them your whole life.

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Dixielee has 38 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in ER.

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Interesting to see your thoughts. There were only 2 men in my nursing school class when I graduated in 1973. Both were headed straight to CRNA school as soon as they could, they never considered bedside nursing.

Now, I work in a very busy trauma center where almost half our staff are men. I never thought one way or another about their sexual orientation, or the sexual orientation of the female staff for that matter. We are all in the same boat, with the same goals and problems.

While I do think some of the more sexist male doctors treat the male nurses better, I don't see a big problem with that either. Some people are more confortable with their own gender, and to some it doesn't matter.

Flame me if you must, but I think nursing is far better off with larger numbers of males in the profession. Our pay and benefits are improved because of them, our respect among physicians has improved because of them, and our dealings with combative and obnoxious patients have improved because of them.

While I am no 90 # shrinking violet, I am quick to call on one of our men to help defuse a situation with an out of control or abusive drunk. Most times just having them walk in the room diffuses the situation. While that patient may make sexual remarks to a female, a male presence, usually puts an end to it.

In my dealings with male nurses, I have only felt a sense of fairplay and respect. I think men are far less catty, and less likely to stir the pot if a problem erupts than some women. Not all women, but you know exactly the type I am talking about.

While most patients don't care if their nurse is male or female, there are definately times when one gender works better than another. While I can put a foley in anyone, I try to defer to a male nurse, or tech, if the patient is young, conscious and aware. By the same token, I will do the caths, pelvic exams, rectals, etc on the females. It is for the patient comfort level, not mine, and after all, that is what we are there for.

So my philosophy, is: MEN, come on down, join the party, we all benefit from our diversity, our backgrounds and our teamwork.

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I really dont understand why, you say because they are not caring I find this is not a realistic reason. Can I ask you how long you have been feeling this way, did it just start? In general do you have a problem with men?

I only started feeling this way after my experience with two male nurses that I feel were very inconsiderate. They would rush you through shift report and they would not get as emotionally attached to their patients as did some of the female nurses. However, they were excellent when it came to technical skills. I think that they are great nurses in the technical sense. But, I find them to be very....crass.

I think I do have a problem with men. I used to be quite the cutter. So, I have dealt with men on all sorts of levels. I have two kids and their fathers were very sorry. I think it may be that in the world of nursing...I don't have to deal with men on a daily basis except with physicians. And I do not like most of them. I feel that they feel that we females are not capable of doing our job.

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I guess I've been lucky. I've worked with some amazing male nurses--- straight, and very caring individuals. Perhaps it's because they chose oncology. Not sure. I do notice that most others I've known tend to choose critical care/ER, etc. Perhaps because it's considered more "appropriate" for a male nurse.

I have seen alot of prejudice against our male floor nurses on the part of our patients. Men and women; women don't want them to attend to their personal needs, and men who feel "icky" about a male nurse. Fortunately, our male nurses are extremely professional and have managed to get past this with (most) of their patients.

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I think it's great that you are becoming self-aware and honest. It's only when we do this that we change and become enlightened.

True confession: our manager just hired two nursing students for techs whom will eventually be RNs on our unit and the they are hetereosexual. The last five nurses she hired were males. I think they are attracted to the "trauma" aspect of our unit. Much to my dismay I found myself thinking "gee there are enough guys here, we need more females, or at least hire some gay guys". It wasn't a very serious thought, but it was there and came and went. I would never leave a job because of males nurses or a male manager. I think your judgements about str8 males nurses is not an accurate one. quote=Tweety;]

Tweety, I love you to death. You are so non-judgemental and liberal. Much like I thought I was. But, this hurts me to be this way. I don't want to be this way, I need help and I thank you for posting. I know I was wrong for leaving that job just because my nurse manager was a male. I feel so bad about it because I loved that job. And that was the only reason that I left that job. Boy, that's a strong sexist attitude. I feel that I am being irrational right now, but I don't know why I feel this way. I've been trying to dig deeper into my past to find out the reason, but I've so far come up with nothing. I know that I've been quite promiscuous, that could be a reason, but I thought that I was more rational than that. It's amazing how prejudices can make one so irrational, isn't it?

By the way, did I tell you yet, that I love you? I do, Tweety. You are the nicest person I've ever met on this forum. God bless you, Tweety. You are a good person.:balloons:

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167 Posts; 3,623 Profile Views

I feel the same way you do. I know it is hard to admit, but truthfully, the male nurses I have come into contact with arelacking in emotional and nurturing attitudes, as you have stated. I think that male nurses are never going to be as good a nurse as me.

I never met a gay male nurse personally, but I do know some gay men and I do believe that they probably are more inclined to be more nurturing like us women, so I probably wouldn't think gay male nurses are lacking in the way that straight male nurses are.

Sorry, I am prejudiced in that respect. But, it has been my experience that the straight male nurses I've known, seem less serious about their job, they are more likely to make mistakes because they are too busy trying to flirt with the women on the unit all day. I hated following a male nurse when I worked bedside nursing, because the male nurses I knew, were scatter-brained and tended to forget and overlook a lot of important things.

Just my opinion, trying to be truthful here.

Thank you for you're reply. We are on the same page. It sure seems that they are lacking emotion. And I know that we are going to be attacked for it. But, I'm prepared for that. A person can't help how they feel. But at least we are being honest and confessing it, aren't we?

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I hope we, as a society, don't give men the message that kindness, decency and sensitivity are "gay" behaviors. Or that being abrupt, self-centered and insensitive are "straight" behaviors. Seems like we do, though.

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The problem is not in them, male nurses, the problem is in you. I do not think that all male nurses lack emotions and that is why you do not like them. I do not think that is the real reason. Would you feel comfortable in some other profession with male co-workers? I do not think you would. You probably feel insecure as a woman, as a woman around males, and you are only looking to find another name for it...male nurses lack emotions etc. That is why you don't have problems with gay male nurses. Let them be who they are, males, and you have to learn to deal with your own insecurity. You cannot run from them your whole life.

Well, I never said that ALL male nurse lack emotion. I said that "in my experience" the male nurses that I've deal with have lacked emotion. And that is the real reason, my dear.

I admitted that I have a problem. But, I am not insecure because male and females are different in so many ways. That is why I cannot relate to the straight male. You're right, I cannot run from them. I even find myself twinging at the male patients. I find them hard to deal with. How do you think I can overcome this? You're criticism and advice are welcome.

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