I am prejudiced...please read

[Kanani_Ikike]

Hello everyone out there in allnurses.com land.

I am posting this thread because I found something out about myself and I want advice to help me overcome this, thanks.

I like to think of myself as being one of the most liberal, non-judgemental human beings in America, if not on earth. I mean, I would make the ACLU look right-wing. Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that I am a sexist and I am prejudiced against male nurses. Why? I don't know. I just added two and two together and I came up with that conclusion. I just know that I recently left a job because I had a male nurse as a nurse manager.

I didn't like the poor man from day one and didn't really interact with him. He is the nicest man anyone could ever want to meet. But, for no reason, I didn't like him. And I think it's because he is a male nurse. I never disrespected him, I just didn't fraternize with him as I would have with a female nurse manager. And I am bothered by it and want to overcome it.

One more thing, here's the twist:

I don't have a problem with gay male nurses. They don't bother me and I don't feel uncomfortable around them. They often become my best friends. But a straight (heterosexual) male nurse, I don't feel comfortable at all. I think it's because, in my experiences with straight male nurses, they have lacked the emotion and nurturing attitude I attribute to nurses. They often seem abrupt and task-oriented to me.

I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this, but I want you all's opinion. I want advice on how to deal with straight male nurses. I just can't bring myself to accept them and that's not right nor good. I mean, the face of nursing is changing. And just as I expect people to accept me as a person of Polynesian/African descent, I know that they would expect me to accept them as male nurses.

What do you all think? And please, don't be afraid to let me truly HAVE IT. I mean lay it on me thick and no holds barred. Thank you for your much valued input.

Kanani:balloons:

[EmmaG, RN]

I even find myself twinging at the male patients.

Obviously this isn't about male nurses.

You make mention of bad experiences with your children's father(s). I strongly advise you to get counseling to resolve this issue with men in general. You won't get it on a message board.

This from someone who has 'been there'.

[TazziRN, RN]

Of all the male nurses I have known and worked with (MANY of them over the years), I could count on one hand with fingers left over the number that I knew were gay. The others were either known to be straight or I assumed they were. I have seen the qualities you mentioned in both gay and straight male nurses as well as female nurses. My point? It doesn't matter whether they're gay or straight, they're people. As such, they have personalities and emotions that may or may not be conducive to bedside nursing. There have been both gay and straight nurses of both sexes that I was glad to see the backsides of as they left for good.

I agree with a previous poster who said the problem is not with them, it's with you. I have no suggestions on how to fix it, though.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I guess to take this back to the OP's concerns about herself: have you sought counseling to deal with these feelings? It seems that you are self-aware that this is detrimental to you and perhaps using a third-party who is not involved would help you to see things in a different light?

Good luck and please take care of yourself.

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

Many healthcare employers have EAP - Employee Assistance Programs that provide free initial counseling regarding workplace issues. ( My system offers 3 free sessions). I suggest you contact your program to find resources in your area.

After reading several of OP's post, more assistance is needed than what can be provided by a bulletin board. Best wishes for the future.