Six years ago today (actually Feb. 29th) was my last day to work. I was a RN on a very busy inpatient oncology unit. I loved it! There is something very special about working with cancer patients and their families. It's rewarding beyond belief. Difficult, but rewarding. I always saw it as a ministry not just a career. I also loved the technical, scientific aspect of it. Chemo, lab values, neutropenia precautions, etc. all appeal to my meticulous nature. Oncology was my little niche.
I have flashbacks to that day...I had just worked three 12-hour shifts in a row. I had been diagnosed with RSD of the neck, right arm and shoulder in Nov. 2006. I was in extreme pain but continued to work because I really didn't want to give up my career at age 40. The hospital I worked for had a no narcotic policy so I relied on a Spinal Cord Stimulator for pain relief. In recent months the SCS had begun failing and was no longer helping my pain. The RSD was also spreading beyond it's original site to include my left shoulder and arm, my rib cage & chest wall. (It's now in my entire upper body and affects my heart, stomach, and immune system.) Anyway, after I got home I was in such extreme pain I was vomiting and nearly to the point of passing out. My husband took me to the ER and I was admitted to the hospital in a severe pain crisis. Over the three days I was in the hospital, my pain management doctor, my neurologist, my hematologist, and my cardiologist all told me it was time to go on disability. Reluctantly, I agreed because I knew they were right. I never returned to work again.
I still miss nursing more than ever. I miss the patients. I miss the intellectual stimulation. I miss the comradarie. I still pray every day that one day I will be able to return to the career I love so much. I know it's not all ponies and roses. I remember the bad days, too. What I wouldn't give for a bad day right now!
