I got myself in a sort of mess....

[Tweety]

Put all your feelings about homosexuality aside. Homophobes need not respond. Sorry, just had to say that, since that is not the issue.

Anyway, we have a nurse who is male (boderline personality and is probably a sex addict, that's my diagnosis) who just got his license back after loosing it when he transfered from one state to another and it they found he had a drunk driving conviction.

He has been flirting with me for quite a while. I've brushed him off and he and in no way have I encouraged him. He knows I'm happily in a monogamous relationship as I wearing a wedding ring and I have told him so many times.

Lately he has been more and more bold and sexual. Last night he asked me point blank "when are you going to give me some". I said "In your dreams...i.e. never".

I'm beginning to become uncomfortable with him. He just got his license and I'm reluctant to get him into trouble. But what if I keep telling him to lay off and he doesn't, if I report him it gets ugly and he may get fired, loose his license again. Perhaps I shouldn't care, since he's acting very inappropriately.

I'm going to look bad because I've let it go on for many months. He is a good nurse.

[hoolahan, ASN, RN]

Zoe, I think this is the same post, check the dates. ???

3rd shift guy, any update on the situation?

[Nurse Izzy]

Hi! I was in a similar situation once, only the guy had been a friend and decided he had a crush. I'd asked him repeatedly to leave me alone and it got to the point that my boss even took note and asked him to leave me alone. One night, around 11pm, there is a knock on my door. I saw who it was and opened the door thinking something was wrong (he'd left me alone on the romantic front and we had a good working relationship at this point). He splashed a glass of water in my face and when I jumped back he stepped into my apartment. My best friend was staying over and she woke up (the guest bedroom was closest to the front door) to wonder what the heck was going on. Turns out his "prank" was meant innocently, thank goodness, and he was just trying to "impress" me with his spontaniety (sp?). Needless to say, the next morning I went directly to my boss and explained to her the situation. As soon as he got to work, she called him in and we had a meeting - she could have fired him then and there (which I didn't want - he is a good worker just rather immature related to relationships) but she gave me the option as to what to do. I told her and him that I just wanted to be left alone that I had no romantic interest in him (he even knew the guy I was dating). That was all it took - the threat of losing his job.

My point here is that maybe you could work something out with your supervisor/manager that would be enough to scare this guy without actually costing him his license. It does need to be documented, however, to protect both you and him should anything ever happen again.

Best of luck to you in making such a tough decision, but remember - it's you you have to protect.

Elizabeth

[Nurse Izzy]

Hi! I was in a similar situation once, only the guy had been a friend and decided he had a crush. I'd asked him repeatedly to leave me alone and it got to the point that my boss even took note and asked him to leave me alone. One night, around 11pm, there is a knock on my door. I saw who it was and opened the door thinking something was wrong (he'd left me alone on the romantic front and we had a good working relationship at this point). He splashed a glass of water in my face and when I jumped back he stepped into my apartment. My best friend was staying over and she woke up (the guest bedroom was closest to the front door) to wonder what the heck was going on. Turns out his "prank" was meant innocently, thank goodness, and he was just trying to "impress" me with his spontaniety (sp?). Needless to say, the next morning I went directly to my boss and explained to her the situation. As soon as he got to work, she called him in and we had a meeting - she could have fired him then and there (which I didn't want - he is a good worker just rather immature related to relationships) but she gave me the option as to what to do. I told her and him that I just wanted to be left alone that I had no romantic interest in him (he even knew the guy I was dating). That was all it took - the threat of losing his job.

My point here is that maybe you could work something out with your supervisor/manager that would be enough to scare this guy without actually costing him his license. It does need to be documented, however, to protect both you and him should anything ever happen again.

Best of luck to you in making such a tough decision, but remember - it's you you have to protect.

Elizabeth

[Audreyfay]

I'm with nurse izzy. Go to the supervisor. You have already tried to discourage it, and it hasn't worked. The only thing you have not tried by yourself is to say the "H" word. "This is sexual harassment. If it does not stop NOW, I will report it." But, do you want him out or in? If out, report it now. If in, try by yourself, if it doesn't work, go to the supervisor. Good luck. Let us know what happens.

[itsme]

Well, in my book, sexual harassement is sexual harassement. It doesnt matter what a persons sexual preference is. Now I need to vent!! It is NO ONES business what anyones sexual preference is, not mine, yours or the guy/gal next door. That is a very personal thing. My daughter is in 9th grade and one of her best friends is gay. He is a wonderful kid, and he is so afraid of being "found out" becasue it is a small town. I wish people werent so closed minded. it just infuriates me to no end when people are homophobic, racist, or any of that other crap. It is what is in a persons heart that matters, not what they do in the privacy of there own home, or what color they are, or what religion, or anything.... Thanks for listening! And, 3rd shift guy, my thoughts are with you, and I am sending hugs and smiles your way. You have tons of support here with me and with all of us!! Please keep us updated and stay strong about this- it is NOT your mess, it is the jerks mess!

[Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN]

This guy sounds exactly like an RN I worked with a few years ago. I'm female, and he is a (gay) male but he harrassed me in another way, not sexual, but verbal abuse and threats of physical violence. I reported him. The company scheduled a meeting to speak to him, and he brought a lawyer to the meeting. This scared the administration and the wimps backed down.

I quit because of this guy. He was later fired, and was under investigation by The State Board for suspicion of contributing to pt deaths at the inpt hospice where we worked. Charges were never brought against him, due to lack of evidence.

The company called and asked me to come back, but I declined. I was very put-off by their refusal to stand up to this psycho nurse and discipline/report him.

Maybe this is the same guy? He was definitely a borderline.

Your issue with this nurse is not an issue of sexual orientation; it's an issue of immoral, inappropriate and illegal behavior on the part of your co-worker.

If you do not wish to protect yourself from this kind of person, that's one thing. But- you are obligated to protect your other co-workers and your PATIENTS from such a person.

Keep a running log of what inappropriate things he says and does, and the time and date of each incident, including your response. Go to your administration with it.

You know what you need to do.

[Dr. Kate, BSN, RN]

Curious this thread should reappear.

Had an experience about two weeks ago with a security guard dealing in unwanted sexual inuendo, sexually related questioning, note writing, etc., with every young female clerk on duty and many of the housekeeping staff. It took until midday for someone to finally come and tell me about it (I was the supervisor that day) but once they did I investigated the situation, consulted with the lead security officer and the AOC, and had the guy out of the hospital in just over an hour.

Managers and supervisors can't do a thing unless you tell them what is going on. If there is any tangible evidence, e.g., notes or gifts, they should be kept not destroyed.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Gee, I accidentally found this thread. I thought it disappeared. (I never really meant for it to go here, but on another board).

Thanks for all the great advice.

[nursedawn67, LPN]

I have to agree with everyone here....good luck and we're here for ya!

[RNFROG3, BSN, RN]

So thirdshiftguy --what's up? Is he gone or behaving ? What happened curious how you handled it ? Hope everything is hunky-dory>God now I sound like an ol geezer haven't heard that phrase since I was little!

[passing thru]

The Place you work, 3rd shift guy, reminds me of the old British sitcom--UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS- with all the intrigues, and personal interactions going on. Didn't you just write one about the favorites , and pals, and the bad guy, and the guy who was transferred out to the ER never to return? How do you all ever relate to the patients? with all this other stuff going on?

[RNonsense]

ditto to all the above. ..just wanted to add my support here!