Humor: You Might be an ER Nurse

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Specializes in Oncology, Emergency.

Something i read somewhere and would love to share:

  1. You Might be an ER Nurse if:
  2. You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
  3. You have ever tried to identify what a patient ate last by examining the barf on your shoes.
  4. You're at the grocery store, look down and notice you have at least 2 body fluids on you shoes and it doesn't bother you.
  5. You've ever rolled your eyes when the 14 year-old says, "No, I've never had sex"?
  6. You've ever told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to HOLLER if they need help?
  7. You've ever passed on the green stuff at the buffet because you are certain you suctioned it from a patient earlier?
  8. You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky.
  9. You've developed a crease between your brows from trying NOT to inhale the various human secretions you've encountered over the years.
  10. Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
  11. You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
  12. Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank.
  13. You believe Tylenol, Advil, or Excedrin provides a large part of your daily calorie intake requirements.
  14. You don't ask "frequent flyers" their history, you know it by heart.
  15. You can keep a straight face when a patient responds, "Just two beers."
  16. Your idea of a meal break is finishing your coffee before it gets cold
  17. You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level
  18. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal
  19. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac
  20. You have encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA so you don't have to deal with them any longer
  21. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce
  22. You believe unspeakable evils will befall you if the word 'quiet' is uttered
  23. You have used the phrase 'health care reform' to terrify your co-workers
  24. You have witnessed the charge nurse muttering down the hallway, "Who's in charge of this mess anyway?"

25....Lets keep the list populating

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Specializes in NICU.

You've had a patient in the waiting room demand to be seen NOW, because they've been waiting for 2 hours for a severe runny nose, while the ER team is coding someone else in the back.

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Specializes in ED.

You can keep a straight face when you ask your pt "how it got up there" and they respond " I sat on it".

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If you have a pt daily that's allergic to every non-narcotic pain med and morphine, so they MUST have dilaudid, and even that makes them nauseous and itch so they have to have benadryl and phenergan (allergic to zofran, reglan, compazine as well) with it.

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Specializes in Trauma Surgical ICU.

OP, you list can be used in the ICU too :) I swear I have said or thought many of the same things.. LMAO !!!!

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

Old list but fun to revisit.

"Can't fix stupid" is adequate DC instructions.

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Specializes in ER.

27. You cringe when you are scheduled to work on Monday, or the day after a holiday

28. You are amazed by your own veins sudden plumpness when you shower after a long shift, and have a sleep deprived thought of dragging your next "hard stick" into a hot shower before attempting the IV start

29. You start making sure your legs are shaved impeccably in case you get into a car accident on the way to work and don't want your co workers to see your winter-time neglect...

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Specializes in Med Surg/Tele/ER.

You look at people's neck veins while standing in the grocery line, and You are faster with the Ez-IO than Jessie James was with a six shooter.

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Specializes in ER.

you don't understand why the ICU nurse is horrified by a half dressed patient with shoes on and an IV in the best place you could find one...after all, you saved this patient's life and you are proud! :yeah:

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Specializes in Emergency, Case Management, Informatics.

32. You've ever taken bets on whether or not the 40-year-old lady with sudden onset of lethargy and mental status change, whose husband adamantly insists that "she never takes any kind of painkillers", will suddenly perk up after you push a little Narcan into her veins.

33. You profess your love for Narcan.

34. You no longer love Narcan when EMS decides to slam 4mg of it at your back door on the heroin addict who is now in instant withdrawals and is PI**ED OFF.

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

You think you could clear out the ER if you put a sign out front saying, "We only give narcotics IM."

You abandon a full cart of stuff at Walmart and book for the door after taking a look at the person in line in front of you because you just don't want to code someone between the cash register and the candy rack.

You want to reach over and cut the hot dogs in half at the table next to you, where the oblivious parents are letting a toddler chew on a whole hot dog, or worse have cut it into disk shaped pieces.

You want to *safely* stop your car while going over a bridge and yell down at the boat below, "put a life jacket on that toddler, you moron!"

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Specializes in OB, Med/Surg, Ortho, ICU.
32. You've ever taken bets on whether or not the 40-year-old lady with sudden onset of lethargy and mental status change, whose husband adamantly insists that "she never takes any kind of painkillers", will suddenly perk up after you push a little Narcan into her veins.

33. You profess your love for Narcan.

34. You no longer love Narcan when EMS decides to slam 4mg of it at your back door on the heroin addict who is now in instant withdrawals and is PI**ED OFF.

You laugh your patootie off when you find the med drawer tampered with and the only drug stolen was Narcan along with a few syringes.

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