Hubby's response to on line my BSN attempt- Off topic I guess

caliotter3 · Mar 16, 2010

You're right, if you don't do it now, you never will. So, now that it is your turn hubby doen't want to help? Not surprising, many are like that. But don't let that stop you. That MSN or BSN may come in very handy someday, and even if you don't find that you need the degree, the boost in your self-esteem for accomplishing a goal you set for yourself, will be priceless.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Mar 16, 2010

I finished up at the age of 47.

It's quite a committment, but still one can find the time to have a life. I worked 3 12's so it wasn't so bad. I love online learning because you can have a bit more control over your schedule.

As far as the hubby is concerned. Don't write him off. Have an honest talk and let it be clear that you expect and would appreciate his support and that you would be hurt and disappointed if he did otherwise. Tell you understand his reservations but it's your time now. Set the expectation and he'll probably meet it. If not, go for it anyway.

Editorial Team / Moderator · Mar 16, 2010

Please go for it! Like Tweety, I also work three 12's a week, and I'm a volunteer paramedic once a week as well. I still have time to get it done. The majority of the time I've just done one class at at time, but when I doubled up (twice during my time at Chamberlain), it still wasn't too bad. Just required a little extra planning on my part. :) I don't have kids (unless you count two needy Pugs and four cats, ha ha), and my husband has been very supportive/understanding. I hope yours will come around when he sees that you really mean it! Enlist your kids' assistance, too. How old are they? How many days a week do you work?

morte, LPN, LVN · Mar 16, 2010

go for it, with that attitude on husband's part, you may need it more than you know!

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Mar 16, 2010

Please go for it.

And remind hubby that you supported him and paided it forward for him, it is your turn "to study".

KMRNOCN · Mar 16, 2010

Thank you all for your replies!

Hubby and I don't communicate well, someone always gets mad, says stuff, he goes to his standard "I'm just an A$$" like that's his excuse ...... you know what I'm talking about....think Ray Barone with an attitude. lol I work 4- 10's and have one kid (young adult) who graduates from college this May and one who will graduate from high school next year, one dog and two cats. I figured it was MY turn. I'm middle management now, but who says this job is forever! Health care changes are a coming!! I'm going through the process of transcript eval right now. I have to admit I did have to wonder "what am I doing!!!" when he refused to talk civil to me about it, but it's important to me and I'm seeing it through. As much as I want to go straight to the MSN NP, I do think I'll start with the BSN... see how that goes. We don't agree on money either, go figure, so I'm on my own there to. We each pay our own bills and that's how it is.... no budging that man. So I keep saying if I get where I plan to get.... I'm NOT spliting the salary either. )

jolena_75 · Mar 16, 2010

GO FOR IT!!! PLEASE don't let anyone hold you back from achieving your dreams!! You will regret it..I have 5 kids,,ages range from 4-19,,when I talked to my hubby about going to school to become a nurse (I had no college at this time) he said that was a wonderful ideal and I should do it WHEN our youngest started first grade!! Needless to say I was a little peeved at this,,lol. But I thought about it and decided that I had to do what was best for me and my family. So I talked to him again and told him how much I really wanted to do this,,he still wouldn't get on board with me doing it at that time. I then told him that I was signing up for fall classes and he could either support me the same as i had always given him all the support that he needed in everything he ever done or he could be stubborn and childish but either way I was starting classes in the fall,,and I did!! He finally came around,,it took awhile and their have been arguments, struggles and problems along the way but I now have his FULL support along with my LPN and I plan on starting Excelsior in the next few weeks to get my RN. Our youngest won't start first grade for 2 more years,,I would have wasted so much time if I had listened to him. I'm not saying that it will be easy but it will be worth it..

Good Luck to You!!

Moogie · Mar 16, 2010

Thank you all for your replies!
Hubby and I don't communicate well, someone always gets mad, says stuff, he goes to his standard "I'm just an A$$" like that's his excuse ...... you know what I'm talking about....think Ray Barone with an attitude. lol I work 4- 10's and have one kid (young adult) who graduates from college this May and one who will graduate from high school next year, one dog and two cats. I figured it was MY turn. I'm middle management now, but who says this job is forever! Health care changes are a coming!! I'm going through the process of transcript eval right now. I have to admit I did have to wonder "what am I doing!!!" when he refused to talk civil to me about it, but it's important to me and I'm seeing it through. As much as I want to go straight to the MSN NP, I do think I'll start with the BSN... see how that goes. We don't agree on money either, go figure, so I'm on my own there to. We each pay our own bills and that's how it is.... no budging that man. So I keep saying if I get where I plan to get.... I'm NOT spliting the salary either. )

In all honesty, if you are having marital issues, you might want to seek out some counseling to help the two of you communicate better. My husband and I have been married only a couple of years and we have a strong relationship, but it has definitely been strained by stressors like changes in his employment, moving, issues with my kids from my first marriage, health concerns, and my going back to school. There have been a number of hiccups, particularly since I started the process of going back to school, and while we are going to be okay, I still have noticed that at times we are stressed. We are too committed to each other to let our relationship deteriorate, particularly since this is the second marriage for each of us, but there are times when I feel very stressed, especially when I feel that he does not fully understand that nursing school at any level is a completely different animal. (When my husband makes remarks like, "well, I didn't study as hard in graduate school as you're studying" and doesn't seem to comprehend that while I'd rather watch a movie with him, I need to study---that's when things get interesting around here!)

I also have to say that my husband and I decided together that it would be worth it in the long run for me to not work while going to grad school but that I should take a heavier course load and finish more quickly so that I can get a full-time job. Considering that he is supportive and is willing to live with this arrangement so I can complete a PhD, which will probably take about four years, I feel very blessed. However, we do have our moments.

I was previously married to someone who did not support any of my interests or ambitions, so when things get dicey with my husband, I look back to my first marriage and realize how fortunate I am to be with someone who genuinely supports me. He may not always understand what I am experiencing or why I feel stressed, but he is committed to me and our journey together.

llg, PhD, RN · Mar 17, 2010

You might want to remind hubby that your work taking care of him, his house, and his children while he went to school probably entitles you to 50% of his retirement savings as well as alimony.

That came as quite a surprise to my ex-brother-in-law when he divorced my sister, who had worked and been the perfect "corporate wife" while he went to grad school twice. He figured that since she "had her career" and he had his, he wouldn't lose much in the divorce. The court saw it differently. Since they were equally educated when they married, his additional education (and the higher income it could produce) was considered a "joint asset."

Trauma Columnist · Mar 17, 2010

Both my husband and I have gone back to school several times in the 30+ years we've been together. We are both supportive of each other's efforts.

We've been in school at various times in our kids lives: when we both in the military and we had an infant, when the kids were in grade school, high school.

If you feel you can do it, go for it.

I'm not going to delve into your marriage but since you mentioned it, I wonder if it impacts your decisions more than believe? I wish you the best.

KMRNOCN · Mar 17, 2010

Again, thank's everyone. For the one who suggested marriage therapy... been there done that saw the movie. He is, shall we say, on a different planet than I am most of the time and likes it. With that said, I proudly walked in the door and said I'm going to school, not sure how far, but I'm going, get on board or don't your choice. His decisions do impact my decisions more than I like to admit. I say I'm doing it for us.... but US will be best served with me being happy with my career and myself. Sometimes I have to think he plays devils advocate just to see if I'm serious. I think it's a game he plays all by himself because I usually don't play. I could use his financial help, but he can help now or help later. He did say, if it's what you want.............. so I guess he realized I'm serious. He did say "I couldn't do it on line, but you're more able to concentrate than I am", and suggested I call my brother the NP for advice. I guess I'll take it that he's coming around, after a week of silence .... lol.