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HS and MS nurses, have you ever met a very manipulative student?

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I'm a HS nurse and I have a hunch that one of my student may be a very manipulative person...He hasn't lied to me that I know of, but something just doesn't sit well with me. 


Have you guys ever had a young adult that was like that? Would do what they needed to do to get their way?

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Yup. Boundaries. Don't get sucked into the "you're my favorite and everyone else is mean to me" routine. Is this someone whom you medicate? Procedures?

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No I don't. He has only come into my office a handful of times.. came to vent about his family, how he doesn't get along with him parents and they talk down on him ect ect. Then today something came up and he wanted to call his mom...But why would you want to call your mom if they "hate you" and you don't get along with them at all? You know what I mean. 

I was wondering if he just wanted to get out of school so he had to find a way. 

 

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Yes. Last year I meant a student that I am nearly positive had a personality disorder. Incredibly manipulative and lying constantly. She told her 6th teacher she was bleeding "down there" and didn't know what her period was (she lives with just dad, so slightly believable). I spoke to her almost an hour about self care and a/p, mostly because she kept asking questions. Turns out, she had visited the nurse at elementary school several times for period related visits. SMH. 

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We have a student like this...a lot of borderline traits.  She'll present with a dramatic complaint (kicked out of the house! pregnant! doesn't have shoes!) and tell varying versions to multiple staff members, who run around trying to help her at cross-purposes to each other; eventually the story turns out to be verifiably false, or mostly so. 

I like a lot of things about this kid, actually.  But as a team we have agreed that she has a "point person" (her social worker) to whom she is referred for any concerns.  The social worker will get help from other staff if needed.  

Kids with these traits have a hard time understanding boundaries.  They tend to idealize or demonize people, and will sometimes work really hard to play us against each other.  Presenting a united, kind, and consistent front usually curbs unhelpful behaviors and helps them feel secure.  You've gotta keep at it though, and it's difficult.   

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On 1/17/2019 at 10:58 PM, laflaca said:


Kids with these traits have a hard time understanding boundaries.  They tend to idealize or demonize people, and will sometimes work really hard to play us against each other.  Presenting a united, kind, and consistent front usually curbs unhelpful behaviors and helps them feel secure.  You've gotta keep at it though, and it's difficult.   

I originally just came here to stalk the topic since I'm an elem nurse, but this right here hits home for me too. We have had a few students here that fit the above description to a T and as they have gone to middle school, I wonder if they continued the behavior or if any of our interventions worked. 

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Never.  My students are all perfect angels, and would never engage in this type of behavior 🙂  

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Yes, all the time. This is MS/HS

But in all seriousness, this is what tough love is for. I have boundaries and let students know I do not tolerate lying. I also surprise often but stating something I know about them - like their math grade. (MS students are so shocked I talk with teachers - I just tell them I find everything out, I'm magic) I'm honest in my office and expect the same. And if I learn that lying did happen, I wise up and let the student know I have done so and that is has changed our relationship.

I was surprised this worked with 90% of students like this. They really just wanted a relationship with me and when that was compromised it got real. 

But some students, nope they don't learn. 

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I am in MS and the manipulation is rampant!! It is normal adolescent behavior to push boundaries. 

Here is the deal though! When I was this age, when we pushed boundaries - the adults in our life pushed back and held us in check. Now, it seems as if there is no punishment for lying. 

 

At least once a week, I have a kid calling/texting a parent saying that the nurse is sending them home and up comes running said parent to pick up with no further questioning. When the truth comes out and the parent is made aware that they never even saw me at all, they just shrug their shoulders and take home anyway. 

So the kid pushed and got his way, so next time let's push some more and before you know it..............................

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On 1/24/2019 at 12:16 PM, EnoughWithTheIce said:

I am in MS and the manipulation is rampant!! It is normal adolescent behavior to push boundaries. 

Here is the deal though! When I was this age, when we pushed boundaries - the adults in our life pushed back and held us in check. Now, it seems as if there is no punishment for lying. 

 

At least once a week, I have a kid calling/texting a parent saying that the nurse is sending them home and up comes running said parent to pick up with no further questioning. When the truth comes out and the parent is made aware that they never even saw me at all, they just shrug their shoulders and take home anyway. 

So the kid pushed and got his way, so next time let's push some more and before you know it..............................

I usually threaten that if they take the student out without seeing me or permission, it will count against them as an unexcused absence. Never again have I had this issue.

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