How to raise kids...

Boston-RN, RN · Sep 14, 2005

I'm not a parent or anything but what I have seen work pretty good at that age is a reward system.....

Set up a board w/ like 10 blocks on it and you can use stickers or magnets....everytime she does her chores or what ever task you would like to designate she gets a sticker....everytime she does not listen etc...take one away

When she reaches 10 or 15 or whatever amount of stickers you designate, she gets some sort of reward / present / treat etc.

VickyRN, MSN, DNP, RN · Sep 14, 2005

Some of these resources may be of help:

http://www.family.org/resources/itempg.cfm?itemid=132

Do you have anyone around who can be a mentor for you with parenting? Is there a father figure available to reinforce your attempts at discipline? I was very blessed when my children were young to have some very good role models for parenting in my church. There also may be some parenting resources at your local health department, or your pediatrician may be able to refer you to an affordable family counselor.

P_RN, ADN, RN · Sep 14, 2005

John Rosemond is one of my favorite parenting authors. Mind you I raised my kids by Dr Spock so this is only second hand. But he has a ten commandments. The one I really like is:

Because it is the most character-building, two-letter word in the English language, children have the right to hear their parents say "No" at least three times a day.

http://www.rosemond.com/

Time outs work. If she leaves her room, you turn her around and escort her back. You are not punishing her you are giving her the opportunity to think about what she's doing.

Good luck. 5 year olds eventually grow up. My baby is 35 and he's almost grown.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Sep 14, 2005

Plus the more wound up you get, the worse they get. Act calm and immovable like a brick wall, even if you have to put them in time out 25 times. It's not you- it's the kids, they are programmed to test limits, so that's what they do.

BlaineCM · Sep 14, 2005

Put her in time-out for 5 mins and then ask her if she is ready to comply with your demands. If she complies reward her appropriately(with praise, etc.). If she does not comply put her in time-out and check every 5 mins to see if she is ready to comply. When she finally does comply reward her. Always be consistent!! If she comits a behavior that is inappropriate ALWAYS give punishment for it. Don't threaten that you will punish, actually punish and do it right away. If you sometimes punish a certain behavior and sometimes don't, children will continue to exhibit the behavior because they might be able to get away with it.

I hope this helps!

allnurses Guide · Sep 14, 2005

I'd just add more direction. If there are toys to pick up, get the toybox and sit down with her and show her how to pick up the toys - maybe she isn't realizing exactly what you want her to do. I gently direct back to the issue at hand. Don't take no for an answer.

My biggest issue is my son doesn't want to abide by the 2 hour limit on tv a day. If he starts to fuss, he sits in the time out chair. It works well for him.

I also do alot of things with him. We just got back from his grandparent's ranch where we picked a large bowl full of raspberries. We also sat in the sunflower house and played in the dirt. In a few minutes I'm going to lay down with him and read - he really loves the reading but hates the nap. As soon as I start reading though, he stops fussing about it. And shortly thereafter he falls asleep.

My oldest is 22 - my youngest is 4.

The key is consistency and not expecting more than they can actually do. Of course I say this from the vantage point of having done it 3 times already and making my share of mistakes.

A very kind and dear woman gave me a book about how it feels to be screamed at by a parent. It changed me forever. My mom was a screamer . . . .

Oh and when he does get fussy I either nap him or take him out to do something fun like ride his bike and feed crabapples to the horse.

steph

FNPhopeful · Sep 15, 2005

Thanks everyone for the advice. The hard part is deciding what is worth punishing over. But when she doesnt do ANYTHING I say its starts to get ridiculous, I want to impress upon her she has do as she's told at all times, and I would never ask her to do something she's not capable of. Its things like - pick that up please, try and make your bed please, put your toys in the toybox please, put that away when your done with it, you have to get your hair brushed (the worst one).....so after the umpteenth time its like do I really want to start an all day battle over picking up toys?

I know consistantcy is the key, I need to be stronger I guess.

Fun2, BSN, RN · Sep 15, 2005

I know exactly where you are coming from on this one! My 8 year old can be a total brat at home, I have wondered for the 4 years if she has ADHD!

...wondering if I should expect her to sit still, etc.

So, in kindergarten, 1st & now 2nd grade I have made a point to ask the teacher about her behavior & mention that she is extremely hyper at home. Their response????? "She's an angel!"

uggggh....so, she knows what she can get away with at home. lol

Try your best not to yell. Hold her arms, of course not tightly, and tell her to look you in the eyes. Explain to her in a calm voice that the way she is acting is not acceptable, it is a no no, or it is bad behavior that she can't do.

Tell her she has to sit in time out until the timer goes off....yes, have a timer there and set it.

Time should be equivelent to the severity of the behavior.

I personally think spoil the rod, spoil the child, but it's not like you can go around spanking your child 24 hours a day. LOL

Also, remember that *maybe* it's not all her. You could be stressed, and taking things too far. I know I do when I'm trying to study, etc.

Be sure to take time out to read to her, play a game, etc.

Good luck, and if all the advice you receive from this post doesn't work, CALL THAT NANNY SHOW ON TV!!!!! :rotfl: "You've been very naughty!" haha (You don't know how bad I want to do that sometimes....lol!)

allnurses Guide · Sep 15, 2005

Thanks everyone for the advice. The hard part is deciding what is worth punishing over. But when she doesnt do ANYTHING I say its starts to get ridiculous, I want to impress upon her she has do as she's told at all times, and I would never ask her to do something she's not capable of. Its things like - pick that up please, try and make your bed please, put your toys in the toybox please, put that away when your done with it, you have to get your hair brushed (the worst one).....so after the umpteenth time its like do I really want to start an all day battle over picking up toys?
I know consistantcy is the key, I need to be stronger I guess.

If I ask my son to pick something up and he walks away, I walk after him and take him gently back to whatever he needed to pick up and then have him pick it up.

Making the bed - well, that is funny since no one in this family really makes their bed unless company is coming. :-) I bought comforters for just that reason - easy to make a bed up.

As to hair, when my daughter was young she had long red hair that hung in ringlets naturally. But to brush her hair was torture. For her and me. So I finally had it cut short. She loved it. I loved it.

I know the feeling of being stressed and just letting things go . .. . no one is perfect. But it will come back to bite us if we don't follow through.

The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson got me through some very tough times with my 2nd son, who is now 20. I also wrote to Dr. Dobson's family organization and I got a call back from a real counselor.

Good luck.

steph

L&D4ME · Sep 15, 2005

Thanks everyone for the advice. The hard part is deciding what is worth punishing over. But when she doesnt do ANYTHING I say its starts to get ridiculous, I want to impress upon her she has do as she's told at all times, and I would never ask her to do something she's not capable of. Its things like - pick that up please, try and make your bed please, put your toys in the toybox please, put that away when your done with it, you have to get your hair brushed (the worst one).....so after the umpteenth time its like do I really want to start an all day battle over picking up toys?
I know consistantcy is the key, I need to be stronger I guess.

I agree with Steveilynn. My daughter is 2 years old and is very stubborn when clean up time comes along. If she doesn't pick up her toys when I ask her to or if she walks away I take her back to where her toys are and physically make her pick them up (gently of course) after a couple of toys she will pick up the rest on her own. At five, I encourage you when your daughter doesn't want to pick them up after you have given her a chance. Get a big black trash bag and start putting them in there and let her know that if they aren't important enough for her to want to take care of then you will throw them away (give them to the local goodwill or put them up where she can't find them). After losing her toys a couple of times she will know you are serious.

My dad says "You need to straighten up that tree before it grows crooked.":)

tiggerlover · Sep 15, 2005

Hi FNPhopeful, now it sounds like you are getting very wound up by her, which is completely understandable, and probably hear yourself reprimanding her all the time. Why not turn things around by asking her to help you tidy up rather than telling her to do things, or make a game of it. For children any attention is good so if you try to give her lots of positive attention even if she is just being 'normal' and try as much to give her very little or no attention when playing up or being naughty. Soon she will realise that she will get more attention for being good before you know it she want to help you all the time. Also everybody has busy lifes these days but try and spend 5 minutes yes just 5 minutes of competely undisturbed time with her. No phone calls/doing other things/talking to other people just your completely undivided attention for her to play a game, do a puzzle, watch a program and so on she will enjoy this and you will feel happier to instead of feeling like she will just have memories of being told off all the time. Remember she loves you and just wants your attention anyway she can get it and what she is doing is working.

Hope this helps : :)