How to raise kids...

smk1, LPN · Sep 15, 2005

you can try putting ALL of the toys in time out if the behavior gets too bad. I have a 4 yr old and we took every single toy and book out of her room one Sunday after a week of tantrums and bad behavior at our religious meeting. She had to earn them back with good behaivior 2 at a time. it took about 2 weeks before all of the toys were back in her room. She has done pretty well with listening since then, however still an occasional flare up will happen. We put her on the zero tolerance policy for that! (she knows what that means! lol) sometimes you have to sit in tiome out with them to make sure there is no fidgeting and singing etc.. at my house time out starts when you are quiet and sitting still. Talk to her about how being a big girl means more responsibility. I agree with the chart idea. My hubby just started talking to her about the idea of an allowance and her chore for the week to receive her dollar. (she loves to go to the dollar store and pick out a toy so this is a strong incentive for her). In any case YOUR NOT ALONE!

smk1, LPN · Sep 15, 2005

I agree with Steveilynn. My daughter is 2 years old and is very stubborn when clean up time comes along. If she doesn't pick up her toys when I ask her to or if she walks away I take her back to where her toys are and physically make her pick them up (gently of course) after a couple of toys she will pick up the rest on her own. At five, I encourage you when your daughter doesn't want to pick them up after you have given her a chance. Get a big black trash bag and start putting them in there and let her know that if they aren't important enough for her to want to take care of then you will throw them away (give them to the local goodwill or put them up where she can't find them). After losing her toys a couple of times she will know you are serious.
My dad says "You need to straighten up that tree before it grows crooked.":)

i agree with this advice too! i have thrown away toys before, (and if that happens let me tell you there will be no new toyas for awhile.) They have to know that you mean business otherwise those little stinkers will run the show.

Fun2, BSN, RN · Sep 15, 2005

i agree with this advice too! i have thrown away toys before, (and if that happens let me tell you there will be no new toyas for awhile.) They have to know that you mean business otherwise those little stinkers will run the show.

Oh yes, I have bagged up plenty of toys as well b/c of bad behavior. Makes me want to tell Santa not to go crazy at Christmas time. lol

rang · Sep 15, 2005

Hi all!

I haven't read through all the posts, but I can say that the reward system has worked for me...at least so far. I've only implemented it as of two weeks ago, but so far so good. I have a 3 year old, so I can totally relate to the original poster. Since I've implemented the reward chart, I've noticed a dramatic change in her behavior and in wanting to help out around the house, even eating all of her food (which is a task at this age)!

I made a chart with a row for each day of the week and a column for each task I want completed or behavior I want modeled. She gets a star for each task/behavior completed. At the end of the each day, if all columns are completed, she gets a magnet. So in a week, she can collect a total of 7 magnets, which in turn get exchanged for a prize. If she misses a column, she gets no magnet for that day, which means it'll take her longer to earn her prize. It has really motivated her and increased her independence as well as confidence. Now she feels like a "big girl" doing things for herself and being accountable for little things like picking up her toys, washing hands after using the bathroom, etc. Good luck!

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Sep 15, 2005

I can't give you any immediate help, but, seriously, start watching or taping Nanny 911 and Supernanny on the TV. These people are great and mention the psychology of what they are doing to change a kid's (and a parent's) behavior.

rn/writer, RN · Sep 15, 2005

I can't give you any immediate help, but, seriously, start watching or taping Nanny 911 and Supernanny on the TV. These people are great and mention the psychology of what they are doing to change a kid's (and a parent's) behavior.

I thought these shows would be horrendous and was so pleased when they both turned out to be pretty good. I don't agree with everything I see, but most of it is absolutely on the mark. The most important lesson from both shows? That kids do what their parents condition them to do. In every case, without exception, it was the parents who were creating and feeding the chaos. The kids were only responding to the lack of structure, the parental conflict, and the absence of positive direction. Another thing I noticed--in nearly every family, the kids were lonely, starved for praise and affection, and genuinely unhappy with the anarchy.

After the nannies came in and helped get the parents back on track, the families seemed to enjoy each other's company. There was kindness and affirmation where before there had been fighting and rebellion. The NOISE level that characterized the "before" cllips had dropped down many notches and people were actually conversing and listening to each other.

What's nice about watching shows like this is that it's one thing to read or hear about effective techniques, but it's another altogether to see them implemented with real live kids who have no ulterior motives. These shows are very real.

Your daughter is very fortunate to have a mother who cares enough to set loving limits.

Dr. Phil also has some good ideas about finding and using your child's currency (what motivates her) and on becoming absolutely predictable in your responses so your kid will be able to count on your consistency to help her set boundaries.

I wish you well.

Race Mom, ASN, RN · Sep 15, 2005

Gee, let me think.....yep. 4 was the spanking year!!! Funny thing is one day you realize that they havent had one in a long, long time. My boys shaped up, but now they are trying to run the show again. Back to the drawing board.

One time, I was soooooo mad at one of my kids (I don't spank with anger in my body, its as though you're beating them up and I dont think you are in much control at that point). I mean really mad. (They were probably 4 and 5 at the time...and now 5 and 6) So, I messed up their bed. Actually, I really, really messed up their bed! Those sheets were so messed up. There they were, all wadded up in the middle of the matress. Yep, even got that fitted sheet off! Hahahahaha!!! Boy, I showed them! My husband witnessed the whole thing and goes into laughing fits when he remembers it, or gladly tells the story to someone (in front of me, of course). He likes to threaten people that he will send me over to mess up their bed.

It truely was the funniest thing I've probably ever done while I was mad. Worst part........

I had to make the bed before they went to sleep.

Lisa

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Sep 15, 2005

Gee, let me think.....yep. 4 was the spanking year!!! Funny thing is one day you realize that they havent had one in a long, long time. My boys shaped up, but now they are trying to run the show again. Back to the drawing board.
One time, I was soooooo mad at one of my kids (I don't spank with anger in my body, its as though you're beating them up and I dont think you are in much control at that point). I mean really mad. (They were probably 4 and 5 at the time...and now 5 and 6) So, I messed up their bed. Actually, I really, really messed up their bed! Those sheets were so messed up. There they were, all wadded up in the middle of the matress. Yep, even got that fitted sheet off! Hahahahaha!!! Boy, I showed them! My husband witnessed the whole thing and goes into laughing fits when he remembers it, or gladly tells the story to someone (in front of me, of course). He likes to threaten people that he will send me over to mess up their bed.
It truely was the funniest thing I've probably ever done while I was mad. Worst part........
I had to make the bed before they went to sleep.
Lisa

Oh, God! Your post was so funny! I remember Dr. Laura advising a parent who was asking what she could do to "cure" her kid from lying. Dr. Laura told her to tell the kid a couple of times over the day that they would be stopping at McDonalds for dinner on the way home from school. Then, she told the mother to just drive by the McDonalds and when the kid mentions she didn't turn in to get the dinner to tell the kid, "Oh, I lied." I have never gotten that out of my mind. Don't know if it's because it is inherently brilliant, or downright mean. In any case, I'm sure it probably would work.

My mother very simply had an orificenal of "weapons" (a belt with cut glass studs, a fly swatter, a broom and the old wooden spoon) that kept us in fear of incurring her rath by misbehaving.

moonbeamsmom · Sep 15, 2005

Ugh, my daughter is only 1 1/2 and I think I say "no" about a million times a day. She is more Evil Knievel than toddler nowadays and her favorite thing to do is to stand on everything - the coffee table, her toys, even her high chair! :uhoh3: I was hoping it would get easier as she gets older but it sounds like it doesn't! :chuckle

All I know is that nursing school can't scare me - I have a toddler! :rotfl:

SkanauxRN2009 · Sep 15, 2005

Ugh, my daughter is only 1 1/2 and I think I say "no" about a million times a day. She is more Evil Knievel than toddler nowadays and her favorite thing to do is to stand on everything - the coffee table, her toys, even her high chair! I was hoping it would get easier as she gets older but it sounds like it doesn't! :chuckle
All I know is that nursing school can't scare me - I have a toddler! :rotfl:

Little ones are carefree spirits. They are smart! They know what mom will let slide, and what makes mom's fuse blow. Spanking is not the answer. It doesn't do anything positive or good. It shows the child violence. I don't believe in it, and I have two children, one who is 18 years old and one who is 6 years old. Never spanked the 18 year old, or the 6 year old. They turned out fine, and have very good manners. Just remember not to stress out over little things. Don't sweat the small stuff. They grow up fast and before you know it, you will see a young adult and wonder where the years went. You will miss them being little ones getting into trouble at home. When they grow up, they have their own ideas. It is no longer "cool" to be seen hanging out with mom. They want to spread their wings and do their own thing. Then you miss the closeness you had when they were little chldren. It will all work out for you. Just be patient, time cures all.

moonbeamsmom · Sep 16, 2005

Little ones are carefree spirits. They are smart! They know what mom will let slide, and what makes mom's fuse blow. Spanking is not the answer. It doesn't do anything positive or good. It shows the child violence. I don't believe in it, and I have two children, one who is 18 years old and one who is 6 years old. Never spanked the 18 year old, or the 6 year old. They turned out fine, and have very good manners. Just remember not to stress out over little things. Don't sweat the small stuff. They grow up fast and before you know it, you will see a young adult and wonder where the years went. You will miss them being little ones getting into trouble at home. When they grow up, they have their own ideas. It is no longer "cool" to be seen hanging out with mom. They want to spread their wings and do their own thing. Then you miss the closeness you had when they were little chldren. It will all work out for you. Just be patient, time cures all.

Thanks! I know you are right. She knows what to do to get attention and that is what she wants now at this age. My husband and I don't spank either. Coincidentally, I have a friend whose husband is a pastor and they spank their daughter who is the same age! I know it doesn't work, which is why we don't do it. I do cherish these days, even if some moments I feel like escaping!

CapeCoralNurse2be · Sep 17, 2005

i am the mother of 2 children, a 3 year old son and a 7 year old daughter with adhd. of course my 7 yr old is a real handful. this is what we've started to do lately and it seems to be helping a lot.

i gave each of my kids a mason jar to decorate with stickers. i bought a big pack of cheap poker chips from target.

they earn poker chips for good behavior, using good manners, and being kind and thoughtful to others.

they lose a chip for breaking any rules and for not doing what they are told the 1st time they are asked.

the chips are worth rewards, for example, 10 chips = a toy from the dollor store, 20 chips = one on one time with the parent of their choice playing what ever they want, within reason. those are just 2 examples...you'd come up with whatever appeals your own child.

between my daughters medication, and this method, it has really helped her to stop and think about her actions before they happen which has always been a problem for her with the adhd.

hope that helps

ok, i have had it up to here- with my four year old. she doesnt listen to a dam word i say! something as simple as pick that up please and she runs off! she's sweet as pie but doesnt mind at all. maybe im too nice. time outs dont work, she doesnt give a lick about sitting in the corner 5 minutes. spanking her doesnt work either. taking a toy away sorta worked at the time (she freaked out) but after a day or two she's forgotten she had it and why it was taken away.
what do i do? its like i might as well not even talk because she doesnt hear it (no she's not deaf). ive heard if you dont have control of your kids by the time they are 5 you never will.
i feel like i spend all day yelling and reprimanding and thats not the sort of memories i want her to have of me. ahhhhhhhhhhh!! im so at my wits end.
any help please!
-jasmine