How do I stop getting my feelings hurt?

[SuesquatchRN]

I am now a unit manager. I came into this position after the guy who had it died. He was friends with and related to half of the facility. This is in a very small town.

Whenever I do anything the LPNs are offended that I think they're stupid. If the DON wants something implemented they take it out on me. I found out there's a weekly meeting of all clinical dep't heads and one of my LPNs has been attending and I never even knew the meeting existed. I do wound care and documentation on Thursdays. This week the worst wound was done and I only found out when I reminded one that I would be doing it. Only then did she tell me it was worse. The next day I told everyone I would be doing the change and, well, it was done. Obviously, this is just a small list of the constant undermining going on.

How do I handle this nonsense? I am being hamstrung and, while I know I shouldn't care, my feelings get hurt.

CCM, help! Everyone else, help!

Thanks.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

You're a UNIT MANAGER, so you're in an administrative position. The LPNs can be upset all they want but you needn't take it out on them.

I haven't.

As to administrative, that is only part of it. When someone calls in I end up with a med cart, when wounds need to be done I spend two days a week doing dressings and documentation, when there is a fall or change on condition I assess. Were I purely administrative it would be easy. I'd do my MDS and be done with it.

I decided on Friday that I have no friends and they do not matter as people but only as they do their work. And the next time one throws a temper tantrum and starts slamming things and cursing and foot stomping I am simply going to say, "Enough. This is how it is. I know you don't like it but this behavior is childish and unnecessary."

[morte, LPN, LVN]

Thanks everyone for your input. "Tincture of Time" is definitely the cure.

My feelings get hurt because I am wildly insecure. Always have been and it wasn't helped by my family. As an example, I came home from school one day after having been beaten up by a bunch of tough girls and my father's response to my tears was, "You must have done something to provoke them." That's the background. So I'm always wondering what I did wrong all the time every minute.

Thanks again, everyone. :)

OY, we must be related!!! sad to say, i even got that from a TEACHER once, in sixth grade.......not quite so direct, but i am not stupid, that is what he meant!

time to let it go, maybe a little therapy (been there), because this is SO ingrained it is not something we can just stop doing.....maybe a little guided imagery? correcting self talk? whatever......

[ntgale08]

Hi. I've been in your situation several times- whenever I am/was new in an organization or when I get a promotion.

When I was younger, I had the thinnest skin and I shed tears that would cause a flood all the time..... I did what you did.... confronting the people I thought offended me. As I mature, I realized that there are better ways to handle this problem..... these have been my guide:

• focus on work and objectives
  
• communicate with my team with a non-threatening tone.
  
  • valuing their opinions and hearing out their criticisms.... then thanking them for their inputs. After that, I say what I think and what I feel. Then ask and offer suggestions and come up with an agreement/solution on how we can help our clients and our organization better as a team. (Because we always have mutual goal, what make sense and what is fair always prevails.) Oh by the way, I talk to my supervisor and tell her my plan to hold a meeting with my team. She can either join or I will tell her what transpired during the meeting with a memo or email.
    

  [*]be positive

I had my first job as LVN last month, and indeed I had people around me who were unwilling to help and had one who was very sarcastic with me. I would just ignore them and whatever comments I hear, I will always say, "oh, thank you for telling me... now, I know what to do." Not that I follow everything they say.

Later, these people became nicer to me and taught me things that they think I didn't know yet (I am a fresh grad) . And in fact, the most sarcastic one was the one defending me and protecting me from others whom she thought was not helping me. Unfortunately, I had to resign.... because I was having a lot of difficulty handling more than 60 residents in my 8 hour shift.... Sadly, I felt like I was a robot there, not a nurse. I wanted to care more, talk and listen to my patients but there was no time for that.... I do miss the nurses there, they've been so supportive.... some wanted me back. Right now, I am looking for an LVN job where I can be a real nurse to patients... lesser census will allow me to help my patients better.

I believe that nurses are good people, otherwise they will not become nurses at all. Some might have attitude or character, but inside their heart there is always goodness.... Try to touch it. It always works for me.

Good luck and God bless.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

morte, I've been in therapy. I understand the roots of the emotions. I take an SSRI and Xanax, both of which do more for me than 10 years of talk therapy ever did. How did you finally stop it?

Yeah, I was the scapegoat in the family and became one in school and in a few jobs here and there. And given that nursing seems to be rife with looking for people to torment I've had some fun here.

So I'm a boss, not a friend. And I just have to be tough.

*sigh*

Thanks, everyone.

[ktwlpn, LPN]

Turn your attention away from your own hurt feelings and look at the real problem. Patient care is being compromised and THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE-make sure that everyone knows that you will take action to prevent it.Take a deep breath-you can't "measure up' to the former unit manager but you'll settle in over time and someday after you leave they'll miss you.Many people are resistant to change-rn's,lpn's,cna's. It's up to you to set the tone and manage the unit to the best of your ability. Remember-there are no victims,only volunteers.

[tencat]

I don't have any friends from work. I prefer to have friends outside of work. I don't know why I have to compartmentalize, but that works for me. And I had parents, too, that always were quick to say "What did YOU do to make that happen?" when I had been attacked physically or mentally by someone......that is SOOO hard to get over.

Recently I've decided that I can continue to care what others think and be miserable because I don't understand why they act they way they do, or I can just do my best, try hard not to hurt others, and be me. If I were a manager, I would try my best to do what is right, and what is best for the most people involved. You can't make everyone happy, but I think you can earn respect if you stick to your guns and have solid evidence to back up the decisions you make. Will that make people like you? Not necessarily. But you might gain some respect. And a little chat with your supervisor about not being able to read his/her mind in regards to how things have always been done might be helpful, too.

[pca_85]

I'd hate to say it, but the politics of that place........I've seen similar situations when the problematic people were jealous of someone in a position of power. In a nutshell, they're haters and ignore them :)

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

It's time to discipline the "children" Mama, and show them who is boss.

That would be you.

Go.

Let us know how much more they will dislike--but ultimately, respect and listen--to you.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Thanks, all.

It is VERY hard for me to confront people which is, I know, surprising given how outspoken I am. But when someone says or does something nasty IRL I am generally so taken aback that I can't reposnd.

All right, I'm putting on my big girl panties and dealing.

:)

[CapeCodMermaid, RN]

Suesquatch-

I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. But remember this----YOU are the one who got hired to do the thankless job of being unit manager. You're not there to make friends. You ARE there to make sure the residents get the best care they can and the other staff does the best job THEY can. If you keep doing what you know is right then the rest of the staff will eventually get it. They will know it's not a popularity contest....it's about the residents. Try to set small, attainable goals for yourself. Week one -get all the wound documentation under control. If it takes longer than a week, assign some of the other staff....take them with you and teach them along the way what is expected of them. Be their mentor not their friend. IM me if you need someone to bounce ideas off of...been where you are and got through by sheer force of will and clinical expertise. You'll get through it too. One of these days the light will go off and you'll wonder why you ever had any problems.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

Thanks, CCM. I will probably take you up on that.

:)

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

See, the other problem with discipline:

The LNHA's sister is the secretary.

One of her sisters is an aide in my unit and shift. One of her daughters is an aide on 2nd shift.

Two of their nieces are aides on my unit, one 1st, one 2nd shift.

The ex-unit manager's sister is on my shift.

The scheduler/pt unit clerk is the DON's SIL.

One of my LPN's 1st shift is somehow related to them all.

That's just a beginning.