How to help hubby understand sleep time for a nightshift gal?

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Specializes in OB.

Hi guys! Sorry if I'm posting this on the wrong area. I work nightshift 7p-7a twice a week. When I come home in the am I usually go straight to bed. If I'm sue back at work that night as well, I could sleep until 5 if I needed to. Then the next morning once I get home I can sleep less since I would not have to be back, but in the event that I feel like staying in bed all I hear is "are you still sleeping?" "How can you sleep all day?" Seriously? Then I say, "the same way you sleep all night". My hubby doesn't seem to grasp the idea that when I go to bed let say at 8am don't immediately fall asleep, sometimes for an hour after. If I fall asleep at 9 and get up at 5, I slept the same hours he has slept through the night. I am also in school and about to start the nursing program in the fall. I'm totally nocturnal and mostly do all of my school work and chores during those hours of the night when I'm off from work. How can I get him to understand I'm not just "sleeping all day"? Thanks guys!

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Geez... I don't even know what to tell you.

Maybe you should say: "How many hours of sleep a night does a healthy person need?" He'll probably say "7-8."

Then, say, "Since I work at night, I have to get that sleep during the day, 7-8 hours. And since I can't fall asleep right when I get off work, because I'm in active, working mode, I need an hour to wind down before that. So, if I sleep until five, I'm basically getting a decent night's sleep."

If he doesn't get it then, you have bigger problems than explaining your basic, human needs to him, sweetie.

P.S. The human being can go longer without water than without sleep.

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Specializes in Forensic Psych.

I'd wake him up periodically at night and mock him for staying in bed for so long. "How can you stay in bed all night????"

But I'm not the best role model ;)

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My husband works nights, and it is so hard! I hate it! But, I totally understand that he needs his sleep. His whole sleep schedule is off though, so even on nights he doesn't work, he still stays up. Why don't you ask your husband to stay awake with you one night and see how long he wants to sleep the next day. Does he work during the day?

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Specializes in OB.
I'd wake him up periodically at night and mock him for staying in bed for so long. "How can you stay in bed all night????"

But I'm not the best role model ;)

That would be hilarious! Might actually do that! Thanks!

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My husband works night at well... He normally goes to bed about 8am and gets up by 1 or so. At night I go to bed about 10/11 and get up at 5am with the kids plus a baby feeding at 3. We both average 5/6 hours a night. I just think when you have the awkward schedules you have to adjust to each other. Sleeping 8 hours isn't an option in our home, if he wanted to I would let him but he doesn't need that much and catches up on the weekends, as do I

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

My suggestion is to have him "work nights" one weekend and stay up washing the kitchen floor, doing dishes, household chores to mimic "work" then I would disturb him just as much as he disturbs you.

I also agree with answering.....

Do you sleep all night???????

Is that all YOU DO IS SLEEP ALL NIGHT??????

If you go to bed at 9pm are you still sleeping at 4am??????

Well........ when I go to bed at 9am I can only PRAY I am still asleep at 12noon let alone 4pm....:mad:

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I hear you. One time I came home from the night shift at 8am on a Saturday morning. At noon, after taking our daughter to her soccer game, he stomped into the bedroom and said "are you going to sleep all dang day?"

To this day I remember that with annoyance. Clearly many day oriented people are just clueless to the life of a night shift nurse. I like Esme's response above. Try that.

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Specializes in OB.

I love all these ideas! I thought I was alone in this battle. Thanks girls!

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Ask him what his solution would be? For a person that works all through the night, when does he think you should sleep. Sometimes it's just asking them for their solution just so they can see that's the only viable option. It sounds too like maybe he just wants to spend time with you? Maybe that's what it comes down to, is scheduling time in your day/week for one another.

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adoRNo2b2015 said:
I'm totally nocturnal and mostly do all of my school work and chores during those hours of the night when I'm off from work. How can I get him to understand I'm not just "sleeping all day"? Thanks guys!

Have a baby and have him take care of it all night, then see if he needs to sleep all day! (just kidding)

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Specializes in Emergency.

Have a baby! It works wonders to mature men... but then the child would be waking you all the time too...

Kidding, but in all seriousness It is a bit of a maturity issue, they just simply don't get it... My husband was the same way when we were young. he was up and doing things and thought I was being lazy. After his first ever dose of sleep deprivation (in the form of our oldest) he became far more understanding. So Esme's option of letting him "work nights" may be a good one; after he has walked a mile in your shoes he may wise up.

ETA: Alas, I did not see grntea's reply... so I am totally redundant, sorry 'bout that ;)

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