How to get family to understand

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I'm taking microbiology this summer as well as a&p 1. My family doesn't understand how demanding these classes are. My dad is working 600 miles away for the next few months, so he can't help me with housework. My mom thinks she shouldn't have to do much since she works. The problem is, there are 13 animals in my house that I have to take care of almost by myself. 12 cats and 1 dog. I have to scoop 4 litter boxes three times a day, sweep the whole house every day and mop every other day, do dishes, do laundry, refill food bowls and water bowls, get in the mail, take out the trash, etc. When my mom comes home, she sends me to get her cigarettes, energy drinks, food, etc. I'm also in the process of applying to a university first the actual nursing program in January. Then my boyfriend also wants to spend a lot of time with me. None of them get how much time and effort needs to go into my classes. They all seem to think I don't really do much when I'm actually completely wiped out. How do I get them all to understand?

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Specializes in Prior military RN/current ICU RN..

How do you get them to understand? You tell them. If they choose not to believe you that is their problem. You don't blame them if you don't become a nurse. It is 100% on you. There is nothing in the class description for micro that says "to pass this class your parents need to understand how busy you will be". You just need to earn the grade. Good luck.

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Let me tell you something you need to let your circle of loved ones now:

Certain chores are fine, but in Nursing school, even the working adults who are studying put what isn't vital to survival on hold. If your mom doesn't want you living in her house til you're in your 50's, you have GOT TO make your school the priority. You honestly need to tell her you simply CANNOT do all she asks. I don't know if all those pets are yours, but perhaps take care of your portion of the housework, and that should be fair. Nursing school is a full-time commitment, so mommy and boyfriend need to take a step back, and allow you to be dedicated to a brighter future, and not being an errand girl and full time gf. It sucks to hear that, but I am telling you, everyone in my program is in it for life. Being a nurse, just becoming one, is a sacrifice. My life is revolved around it, and I am so close to the finish line with the love and support I get from my family and my husband. He never once has complained about the time I spend studying, but don't neglect your loved ones either. You want to have those loved ones with you before and after it's all said and done. You should have this conversation soon, because it sounds to me like you just starting. Right now, micro and anatomy and physiology are the are the JV players, and RN classes are the Varsity players. once you get into those, its a entirely different story. If they have issues with that, you may need to make some harder choices to do what you need to do. Keep us posted. I am sorry your in this rut.

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Let me tell you something you need to let your circle of loved ones now:

Certain chores are fine, but in Nursing school, even the working adults who are studying put what isn't vital to survival on hold. If your mom doesn't want you living in her house til you're in your 50's, you have GOT TO make your school the priority. You honestly need to tell her you simply CANNOT do all she asks. I don't know if all those pets are yours, but perhaps take care of your portion of the housework, and that should be fair. Nursing school is a full-time commitment, so mommy and boyfriend need to take a step back, and allow you to be dedicated to a brighter future, and not being an errand girl and full time gf. It sucks to hear that, but I am telling you, everyone in my program is in it for life. Being a nurse, just becoming one, is a sacrifice. My life is revolved around it, and I am so close to the finish line with the love and support I get from my family and my husband. He never once has complained about the time I spend studying, but don't neglect your loved ones either. You want to have those loved ones with you before and after it's all said and done. You should have this conversation soon, because it sounds to me like you just starting. Right now, micro and anatomy and physiology are the are the JV players, and RN classes are the Varsity players. once you get into those, its a entirely different story. If they have issues with that, you may need to make some harder choices to do what you need to do. Keep us posted. I am sorry your in this rut.

Thanks for the reply! They all fully support me becoming a nurse, and they want my education to come first. It's just that, until now, I have managed to make straight A's without studying much at all. Now I'm getting into the classes where you can't really do that, and they don't understand why I need to spend so much more time on school. It doesn't help that none of them have ever been to college. They think it requires hardly any effort compared to having an actual job.

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Specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.

Have you considered getting your own place?

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Have you considered getting your own place?

If I had the money, I definitley would. But I am moving to a University in January and that will make the situation much better!

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

As long as you're accepting the ongoing financial support of your parents, you're pretty much obligated to fulfill household responsibilities that they've assigned to you. But it may be a good idea to establish clear guidelines and attempt to reach a compromise when possible. For instance, could the mopping frequency be reduced? Is there a pressing need to scoop litter boxes 3X a day? Actually, as a mom - I fail to see that the chores you have listed are 'overwhelming', especially if you take the time to quantify your labor in terms of the cost of your room and board.

As for the BF? I have no ideas... if he's miffed about being neglected now, it's probably going to become a huge issue when you begin your clinical classes.

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Hi

Your list of chores sounds daunting to me but that's because I'd never have an indoor cat but if I did . . . it would only be one cat and one litter box. That's just too many cats in one house and too many litter boxes.

I'm wondering how old you are? It might not be a good time for a boyfriend right now. But "dating" is for finding out if you are compatible so if he isn't supportive of your choice to get a nursing degree or if he complains about you not spending time with him or he doesn't help you out maybe with the chores at your home, that will tell you whether you and he are going to make a good fit.

I certainly would never go buy my mom cigarettes - I'm very anti-smoking and I'm not going to help someone with a bad habit like that PLUS . . .that is not your responsibility!

Staying in your parents home does mean you shouldn't be respectful and helpful and maybe even contribute financially if you can but I'm with the other posters who think it is a good idea for you to move and I'm glad that will happen in January.

In the meantime, have a talk with your family about what you are coming to us about. You are a grown-up now and should be able to set limits in a respectful manner. Depending on the family of course; some are simply dysfunctional. So, there is no magic formula for working with families who don't listen or respect you.

I wish you the best!

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Here's what you do: you already said they 100% support you doing school. If there is absolutely no way around you personally tending to all of those animals, then do it as quickly as you can. Tend to your needs next (dinner handled, lunch handled for tomorrow, breakfast planned out, outfit planned and laying out), then you tell everyone "Okay! Have to study now." Go to your room, study area, whatever...and lock the door and get to it. Leave the house and go to the library if you need to. Nobody gives you brownie points for having a lot of family issues on your plate unfortunately, they just expect you to pass your classes. Do just that.

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If I had the money, I definitley would. But I am moving to a University in January and that will make the situation much better!

Then that should solve this issue. It may help if they saw the details of your curriculum, how much reading is required, how you have to take notes, plus additional assignments on the sign. Plus, if they saw how complex the information you're learning is, I'm sure they would give you more time for your studies. Glad they are supportive, but they need to think as tho they are in your shoes. It's a lot of pressure being in these programs. You seem to have a light at the end of this tunnel though :)

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Specializes in Nephrology Home Therapies, Wound Care, Foot Care..

Those classes are not only a whole different animal, but nursing school is an entirely new planet. If you don't put your foot down firmly, you'll never make it through. One hint, after classes or clinical, go strict to the library and do most of your studying there. If you're not home, you can't be asked to do anything. Besides, you'll study much more effectively in that environment - zero distractions.

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Specializes in Allergy/ENT, Occ Health, LTC/Skilled.

Honey, your mom is LAZY, move out ASAP. And I say that as a mother of three children under eight. 12 cats unless you own a sanctuary is absurd and your mom can get her own cigs and energy drinks. I definitely think you should help out if your living at home but your also not a slave.

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