How do you feel when you see family members and their Note pads in hand

Published

Just yesterday, a new patient was admitted. As we transferred the patient from her wheelchair, weighed her , then started her physical assessment. Her daughter had her notebook in hand. Asking each of us our names and she would write it down as she also wrote down what was being done with her mother. Mind you their were 3 of us in the room assisting with the transfer, assessment and settling of the patient. The daughter was friendly. Internally, I was saying to myself, oh oh not another one of those....

I walked to the desk and casually mentioned to another co-worker. Don't families realize when they take those notebooks out and start writing how it makes us feel? To me it seems hostile. It does not make me feel like oh boy I want to go into that room more often. My internal side , warns me, this is a room to avoid, this is a family looking for trouble.

I do not believe this is the message families want to convey. I know they are trying to be proactive in the care their loved ones receive. None the less. I can not help how it makes me feel. It makes me feel somehow like the enemy.

How does it make you feel, when you witness those notebooks and the families writing, writing in them?

Specializes in psych. rehab nursing, float pool.

my so called evil twin, wants to reach into my pocket for a pad everytime I see a family writing in their notebook and just start writing. Then wait for them to ask me what I am writing. I would happily reply" I am writing that you are sitting in the chair just writing when your loved one asked for that glass of water sitting next to you.",, like I said that is my evil twin..... I am making light of the fact it can be unnerving. I realize most mean no harm, they do not realize how it can look.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

I have had some patients whose family member made me feel extremely scrutinized, like they were preemptively gathering evidence for their complaint or lawsuit. I've had others that gave me the impression that they were merely very proactive and involved with the care of their loved one and just wanted to know what was going on.

I agree, it can be rather intimidating! On the other hand, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea on the part of an interested and caring family member to keep a record of what was going on during the hospital stay.

Good topic!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER, TRAUMA, MED-SURG.

lpnflorida - Oh, this drives me NUTS!!!! I have had several family members over the years when I was working med surg or on a LTAC vent unit do this, and it wasn't stuff like vs, or questions they wanted to ask the MD when they made rounds, or dietary intake or questions regarding these things. That type of thing I would have no problem with whatsoever. I have had some family members actually write down part of my assessment (my auscultation of lung sounds, ect). They would be like, "Well, how did Mom's lungs sound to you?", then as soon as I started talking, they were busy scribbling on their pad and then say something like "Well, ___ (Insert Nancy nurse RN) said she heard _____ last night. Why didn't you hear the sounds that she did..." almost accusatory sounding like Nancy nurse did a better assessment or ....___.

We have had some family members go to the team leader's office with their little notebooks and complain about little things even a little difference in nurses uniforms or something nitpicky. It wouldn't be something pertinent (at least not in my opinion) but even stuff like that the nurse wouldn't get Mama 2 extra packs of mustard ...

I know I'm running off at the mouth here, but that kind of thing just makes me want to pull my hair out. Like I said, the stuff that needs to be addressed, no problem. But some of the other, please!

Anne, RNC

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in RN, BSN, CHDN.

It doesnt bother me to be truthful but I wish they wouldn't make it so obvious especially when I have a student as that does cause them to be extreemly nervous when they are already under stress.

Sometimes it works in our favor and we get lovely thank you letters which are personal.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER, TRAUMA, MED-SURG.
my so called evil twin, wants to reach into my pocket for a pad everytime I see a family writing in their notebook and just start writing. Then wait for them to ask me what I am writing. I would happily reply" I am writing that you are sitting in the chair just writing when your loved one asked for that glass of water sitting next to you.",, like I said that is my evil twin..... I am making light of the fact it can be unnerving. I realize most mean no harm, they do not realize how it can look.

That would have to be my evil twin too!! I would LOVE to say that too! With my luck, they would be telepathic and then I'd be in all kinds of trouble!

Anne, RNC

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in OR Hearts 10.

Some of these folks are doing what was told them on TV, I've seen this on couple different news shows. I've had it happen to me before, years ago and recently, like someone else said, it was was personal thank you's.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.
Some of these folks are doing what was told them on TV, I've seen this on couple different news shows. I've had it happen to me before, years ago and recently, like someone else said, it was was personal thank you's.

That must be why I see more of this. I never saw it 10 years ago.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, HH, Tele, Geriatrics, Psych.

It really depends on the circumstances. If they are writing down VS, or other things they would like to remember, that is one thing. But when they are asking every person who walks in the room what their name and title is, it sort of creeps me out. Especially if by doing so and focusing so much on "the notebook", they lose track of the fact the person in the bed beside them needs their attention and love.

I have often felt threatened by family members writing in their notebooks, and when we get report or give report from floor to floor or shift to shift, this is something we always mention so no one is caught off guard.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

The note writers are not my favorite type of family members either.

A little bit of time with note writers will let you know if they are hostile or just trying to keep track of what is happening.

The hostile note writers are angry. They are not angry with you personally as you have just met them, but they feel wronged. The notekeeping is, I think a form of scorekeeping.

The rest, I believe, use notes the way nurses do as their "brains". When the rest of the family calls these people at home asking how Daddy is doing, they have their notes handy.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I dont like it when they take down names. I don't wear my last name on my badge, just my first name. They have no need for my last name. If there is an issue, they can ask for my manager. Have you ever been stalked by a discharged patient? I have, and because I have an unusual last name I was easy to find. Luckily there were no dire consequences.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I've seen a few family's with notebooks, usually they just ask me for vitals. Who knows what else they write, but discretion is key. At my old job (non-medical) I had a co-worker who didn't like me and one day she yelled at me,"I've been keeping a journal on you ever since you've started working here!" like I was supposed to be scared or something. ANYWAY, ever since that patient died on the roof at my hospital and the family has sued, all of a sudden everyone else wants to jump on the bandwagon and get a piece of the pie. I have covered up my middle and last name on my name badge. Patients and visitors don't need to know that.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I can see both sides of the story here. There is so much going on while you're in the hospital that you probably do need to write it down to keep it straight, but sometimes it feels like the famiy is trying to catch you in a mistake.

I had a cousin that did this for her dad while he was a patient on my floor. He was about 90 years old, hadn't seen a doctor in about 75 years, refused to even take daily vitamins, smoked a pack a day, and lived on candy and chocolate. He finally came into the hospital when he tried to get off the couch and his humerus shattered. He had bone mets, brain mets, basically he was full of cancer and had about 6-8 weeks left. His daughter (my cousin) flew in from out of town and sat there and wrote every detail, every nurses name, every med, every vital sign, and every complaint down. Nobody took the time to try to talk him into seeking medical care up until that point and it seemed to me like they were trying to catch somebody in a mistake very late in the game. Maybe they were making up for their own guilt?

Somehow people think they can neglect a elderly family member for years then make it up by becoming over protective and demanding while the person is an inpatient. Sorry, does not work that way.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment