How to deal with unexpected deaths of nurses and other health care professionals

lucky4timesover · Aug 8, 2005

Confused,

I am so sorry for your losses. I have no wise words of wisdom to offer you. I am the same age you are. I lost my brother when he was 23 and my sister in law when she was 26 and they were both wonderful people with children and other family who loved them so very much. I hate it when people say that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps it does, but try explaining that reason to a 4 year old or 6 year old who doesn't have their mommy or daddy anymore. I agree that it seems the people who participate in vile or criminal acts are the ones that get to go on and the good ones are gone. It only takes one look at the news where another beautiful child has been murdered by a sick and demented person or to hear of a family who is on their way home and has been killed by a drunk driver who lived with no injuries to prove that point. Perhaps as I get older I will gain some knowledge that can help me better understand and cope. ((((((((())))))))))) to you and I pray that you will obtain some kind of peace soon.

Sunny

quietone · Aug 8, 2005

sorry about your loss

a few years back, i lost a 26 yo cousin to a drug deal gone bad. last november, i lost a 32 yo college friend to a mva. i suspect he had been drinking. but this feb., i lost another close college friend to brain cancer. his wife is my best friend and at the time we were all a few weeks from our 30 birthdays. i was so, so devastated. in my eyes, he was the most perfect husband, father, and friend. the other deaths i could better deal with because of the surrounding circumstances. i just did not understand why such a good guy had to go.

but i really knew better than to question the actions of god.

i have found solace in the belief that god gives you a chance to set things right. he does not make mistakes. so instead of asking why, look for a purpose in their deaths. sometimes life lessons are taught, familial bonds are strengthened, or lives saved.

confused101 · Aug 8, 2005

Thank you for your words of support. They are helping more than you would know.

Cute_CNA, CNA · Aug 8, 2005

Perhaps God decided that He wanted them with Him?

RainDreamer, BSN, RN · Aug 8, 2005

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses and all you're going through right now I'm sorry I don't really have any advice or help to offer you to get through this any easier, just know that you're in my prayers :icon_hug:

Thunderwolf, MSN, RN · Aug 8, 2005

Confused, sorry for your loss as well. In 2000, I lost a dear friend and co-worker (who was also an RN) from a massive MI. He was 28. I grieved his loss terribly. A very good man. Newly married and his first child on the way. I miss our times together and our conversations. I sort of know how you feel. It doesn't seem right and it doesn't seem fair. But, how I choose to remember him now is by the joy he gave me, his laugh, his insights, and his outlook on life. I feel blessed in my having the opportunity to have known him. Remembering is how we honor those who have touched us...but, remember the good that they gave, which enriched your life. This is how we honor them.

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Aug 8, 2005

Sorry for your loss...but always remember...you knew them and their spirit to help..keep on doing it! That is the BEST memorial and loving thing you could do..heck if I was to go...I would want my collegues to continue on and do the work we do...and to better themselves every day.....just like the others I sadly lost to various EMS insidents.

Keep them in your heart..think of them often when you wonder "why do I do this" (you know..those hard days!)...remember and keep going! Helps me big time!

The pain will turn to wanting memories...but pain...well you have to deal with that first...and that is up to each individual..but after...the memories...well..makes us so much stronger!!!

Remember them this way..and I planted Roses outside my front yard with plaques to always remember...and I feel so great come summer when they bloom...like they never left, and they are on my shoulder!

I have lost 6...but they are with me every time I help someone...that makes a difference...why...because I believe!

UnewmeB4 · Aug 8, 2005

I tried to look to see if there was a death and dying section, but I had a hard time finding one. I wanted some advice on something that has been bothering me since February 25th. I had a fellow nurse die due to a motor car accident. Left behind a 17 year old son. It hit the unit really hard because he was only 52. Today I get a phone call saying that one of my friends just died in their sleep. Reason unknown at this time. 24 year old firefighter/medic.(BTW I'm only 24) No kids or wife. I'm just having a really really hard time understanding why this is happening this year. I take care of drug dealers and gang bangers, but the good ones that are trying to help society are leaving the earth? Just need help getting through this one. Thank you for any help you can give me.

When it rains, it pours, and the older you get, the more you will see the cycle that is "life". We all go through the same process when someone we know dies. Doesn't matter that we are "professionals". When we have a loss, we are in shock, we grieve, we ask "WHY", even with all our knowledge, we are not spared the effects of death. Just remember, it isn't the end for them, it is a transition to another life. We are the ones left feeling the loss. They have no pain, no grief.

Chad_KY_SRNA · Aug 8, 2005

(((((BIG HUGS))))) Remember your friends helping others and living their lives to the fullest, there is no way of understanding death, it is just something that happens to all of us. Pray for strength and comfort, trust that they are with God in the paradise of Heaven. They were able to save lives, touch spirits, and bless souls in their time on this earth. In time you will be comforted and life will go on. I will keep you and the families of these folks in my prayers.

Binkey, BSN · Aug 8, 2005

Dear Confused,

Perhaps we will never know the "why's" of a situation like this, especially not in this life. One individual posted that she hated it when someone says

" everything happens for a reason." Well, when people say that they aren't echoing some nonsensical saying, but rather they are pharaphrasing the Word Of God. God says that there is a time for everything. No one knows when this breath will be there last. So... Cherish your loved ones, appreciate, enjoy and love them.

As we grow older, loss is inevitable. Two years ago I lost my first born child at the age of 25 (Unknown cause), and then 9 months later my 2 year old granddaughter was murdered. These losses leave scars that Vit E will never touch. :imbar

But...God also says that if we put our trust in HIM, he will "rectify the wrongs" done to us and HE will wipe away our tears and give us oil of joy for mourning!

This is one of the great things about being a nurse.... Caring for another's body, mind and soul!

I'll be praying for you to "have that peace that passes all understanding.. Even in the middle of your storm!"

confused101 · Aug 8, 2005

Thank you to everyone that has posted. It is nice to know that some others have gone through the same. I like the planting idea. My husband and I are improving our property and we might plant a tree or a rose(I don't have much of a green thumb). I have my BSN graduation in May. There is a temporary monument that people put loved ones names on that could not be there in body or spirit. I started to smile much more about Joe(my nurse friend), but this knocked me back down. I'm a tough person usually when it comes to death. My father died when I was 9 due to an on the job accident, so this is not a new subject in my life. Again thank you for your kind words and prayers. I will certainly need them this week. I guess it is a good thing that I go back to school next Monday. That will be able to keep my eye on the prize and know that they will be so proud of my from above.