How did it come to this?

[Southernurse]

hey, all!

i don't want to be a nurse anymore...there, i said it. the weird thing is that i am not angry or hurt or making this statement out of resentment. i am just not fulfilled anymore. i used to say that being a nurse is as much a part of me as being a wife and mother. it defined me. i am nurse nancy 24/7. i silently and stealthily assess people at the grocery store. i check fingers for clubbing and veins for accessibility. i look for cyanosis on everyone. if people knew the inspections that were going on...

i never thought i would be a victim of burnout. "not me!" i would vehemently proclaim, but here i am. ready to hang my hat, and let my licenses lapse. (granted they are good until 2010 or so.) it feels so strange to be at peace with the prospect of getting out. then my mind wanders to being shut out by other nurses and losing the standing and sense of belonging. i don't know about elsewhere, but here in tennessee, every year for nurses week the radio messages and written word are all about rn's, which i am not. "we honor our registered nurses!" ok, a little chink in the armor. most jobs in the newspaper are for rn's. most hospitals don't even employ lpn's here.

that isn't even my reason. i have dealt with that ever since moving to tn from fl in 2004. i am a caretaker. i am a sentinel. i am always "awake". my maiden name is "barton", and we all know who clara barton was. it is in my blood. so why the dissatisfaction? why the peace with this dissatisfaction? how do we stay active nurses once the spark is gone? how can one be proud of who and what they are and yet need change? how does one leave the "gated community" that is nursing? i really hope someone can help shed some light on this for me, because this is unchartered waters.

[barbyann]

I don't feel "compassion fatigue", for me its more like "retaliation fatigue". I am so sick of the focus being about protecting my license day in and day out. This past year (2007) was my most litigious yet.

My mantra of late has been:

I was a happy and good person before I became a nurse and I will still be a happy and good person long after they take away my license.

I go to work each shift and do my very best for my patients. I do not sweat the paperwork. If I get axed because I missed documenting on some careplan somewhere, oh well. I also am working to stuff the retirement fund. If I get the boot my plan is to work out my days at a crab shack down by the water.

[LandDRN]

I have felt the same but often not posted it due to possibly being reproached as in some other threads. Why is it when a parent/child cares for one family member that is ill for a year or two they are labeled "caregiver stress or fatigue" but if you devote a better part of your life, several days a week caring for multiple acutely ill nonrelatives you're labeled "burnt out" like it's a kind of character flaw? nurses have basic human needs too, even though some won't admit it!

[SoundofMusic]

How about a total career change altogether? Nurses are so smart and work so hard, multi-task like the dickens -- I mean, you would be an asset to SO many professions - managerial, administrative, etc, etc.

Go take some typing or microsoft office courses and do some administrative work, temporarily or something. Try the corporate world. I mean -- compared to nursing, many careers are a breeze.

I know -- I've been in one prior to nursing and they don't hold a candle to the type of skill, expertise and just overall toughness you need to be a nurse.

Don't sell yourself short. Perhaps a hiatus from nursing is what you need.

[leslie :-D]

I have felt the same but often not posted it due to possibly being reproached as in some other threads. Why is it when a parent/child cares for one family member that is ill for a year or two they are labeled "caregiver stress or fatigue" but if you devote a better part of your life, several days a week caring for multiple acutely ill nonrelatives you're labeled "burnt out" like it's a kind of character flaw? nurses have basic human needs too, even though some won't admit it!

i've never felt that others see burn-out as a character flaw.

it is a pervasive syndrome that affects a wide variety of nurses along the continuum.

some c/o burn-out only after a few months, where it takes others yrs to take its effect.

still, it is a very palpable, tangible affliction that takes its toll on us physically and mentally...sooner or later.

some nurses have even compared it to ptsd.

and yes, i believe that too.

what the public doesn't seem to get, is that we are indeed, very human with basic human needs.

and if we don't start advocating for ourselves, dang it, we know no one else will.

leslie:twocents:

[Southernurse]

i think you have to remain true to your feelings.

it's difficult to change from "nsg was everything" to "well, it's a living".

to me, that is still a form of burnout.

the past few months, i have lapsed away from nsg.

i still can't get past the peace i feel with total nothingness, vs the stress i feel with nsg.

as we speak, i am deeply contemplating what path to take, and leaving nsg is a very real possibility.

many of us can empathize with you.

if able, before you make any major decisions, try to replenish your soul.

only then will you make a decision that will benefit you and your loved ones.

with peace,

leslie

total nothingness...that is very attractive to me...i suppose being at one's beck and call and not feeling fulfilled makes sense. i am not wired to sit behind a desk, so anything clerical is out of the question. i think that part of the issue is feeling the massive sacrifice by me and my family to get me through school was all for naught. as for a vacation, i don't even know what that is. i haven't been on vacation since i was a kid. i also am the only breadwinner right now, and i have no choice but to stay. it's very strange. i get "thanks" from my client (i do private duty home health), "thanks" and "you're doing a great job" from my employer, but it all seems so hollow. like you posted, i have never been more relaxed or at peace as when i am contemplating leaving nursing. it has become such a large part of who i am as much as being a wife and mother. i still want to stay in the medical field, but not at a desk. as soon i can be paid to fish lazily in the keys, i will make an immediate change. for now, i have a mix of emptiness and happy clarity.

[calliesue]

Southernurse,

You are so close to RN . Did you ever think about going through Excelsior to finish up? From one LVN to another, there are so many more opportunities for RNs out there. Maybe in the larger field of opportunities available to RNs you could find your nursing passion again.

[calliesue]

RNKittyKat,

My cousin who is an rn just this year took a job as a school nurse and has said she will have to retire from this job, cause she will never go back to high stress nursing again.

[BradleyRN]

Nursing burnout...I have worked at every level of nursing and i am still in school to become an NP....but i sometimes wonder why...I have been burned out a time or two as an LPN, but it sure happened fast as an RN. I keep thinking that things will get better as i climb each step but they do not. I still get too many patients and not enough courtesy from the management. My last job was night shift but i had a month of dayshift cardiac classes. Since i am PRN and sign up for my own schedule, i chose not to work any nights that month since i didnt want to switch back and forth every week. Well, my Nurse Manager went ahead and signed me up for nights every week anyway, and when i complained, he simply took me out of the cardiac classes (which i really needed) to sign me up for more nights. So i quit. Ive been out of nursing now for 4 months because i am sick of these idiots treating nurses like this. And they wonder why there is such a shortage...After 16 years, i am just sick of it.

[Absolutely13]

Oddly enough, I chose nursing as a second career because of burnout in another field. I had done everything (10000X over) and I hated to wake up, knowing it was back to the grind.

Going back to school (where I still am) has been a godsend and breathed new life into this 41 year old body. Learning new things, meeting new people....a new challenge! A reason to go on.

Maybe I'm nutzoid for choosing nursing, but I love the prospect.

So, try something entirely new if you can. You didn't get married to the profession....

....and I reserve the right to become burned out in nursing too. We are all just trying to get by and survive.

[withasmilelpn]

I feel your pain. I miss saying I love being a nurse. I said the other day I feel like I have sucker tatooed across my forehead, because I try to do everything, while my many other co-workers do the minimal, least required. I wish I had the answer!

[Southernurse]

southernurse,

you are so close to rn . did you ever think about going through excelsior to finish up? from one lvn to another, there are so many more opportunities for rns out there. maybe in the larger field of opportunities available to rns you could find your nursing passion again.

i have thought about it, but florida no longer recognizes excelsior, to my understanding. if i get my tn compact license changed to rn, i would still be an lpn for my fl license. i was also dispirited by school because a) i only had 5 mos left and my knee ruined it all b) sallie mae took their money back from my college, so now i owe 3k to the school, which will not release my transcripts without being paid in full (i had a 4.0 average) c) if i start again, it will be from scratch.

it seems that with the shortage the way it is, all measures would be taken to furnish education to those of us who really want it, and retention would be of utmost importance. i feel like a dime-a-dozen. between the infighting and the outside influences, it is hard sometimes to want to stay.

[Absolutely13]

This is a heartbreaking situation. I hope you find a way through this!