Please know I love this article. Well written and informative, also heartbreaking. There isn't a nurse who reads this that doesn't know they could be in your shoes some day. Life is so unpredictable.
In my experience (son also) the early stages of grief were spent reliving the horrific chain of events. Trying to figure out how there could have been a better outcome. I remember my brain just wouldn't stop. After a few months I had to put the alternate scenarios to bed. I realized I needed to focus on the huge loss, the pain and how I could go forward. The grief was like a steamer trunk that I would carry around all day, every day. I'd drag that thing everywhere. After another few months I realized it was more like a suitcase, still had to drag it around to hold all my anger, longing, sadness, pain. Eventually the "container" became more portable, like a small clutch bag I could easily carry and hide from view.
Please be gentle on yourself. Please know that your child felt no pain because you intervened on his behalf. Please know that the donated organs will make another mother not go through the suffering you are going through right now.
My friend in grief, I am so very sorry you have joined the bereaved mother ranks. I attended a support group monthly for the first five years and found much comfort and understanding there.
I will be thinking of you as the days go forward. One foot in front of another, good days and bad days, forever changed.