Hi all, I understand that it is all gibberish, but I just really need to talk about it and simply vent. I am so angry and sad right now! First of all the good news: I got accepted to two programs yesterday. One is 4 years nursing BScN program in a not so good school, another one is kinesiology in the same school. Kinesiology program will take me two years out of 4 because because I have half the credits already, and will allow me if I work hard and get good grades to be accepted to a two year nursing program in a good school with much better practicum opportunities, so this is what I chose since it is going to be 4 years for me in any case. Hooray, now I'm really on a way to my nursing dream.
Now the bad stuff. I called my parents that knew that I am applying and told them. Holly molly! I got all the range of laughter and saying how stupid I am and that I finally got a university degree, then why the hell I'm throwing it all out for a blue collar job. How I barely managed to get my computer science degree (which I was getting as a double major with psychology that I liked, a degree which I hated, with which I was working full time and studying full time), that I am too old to change anything (I'm 28 and the "too old" thing started when I was 22 and wanted to switch to another major because I didn't like the CS, but with all their screams I simply didn't dare). I calmly described to them that nursing is not a blue collar, and what nurses do. I told them that this is my choice that they can either accept or stay out and that if they continue to bully me this way I will not be ready to keep in touch. I'm just so frustrated. They've always got their way with me by blaming and yelling and telling how I am the worst person possible. Sometimes I look around and I even don't understand how did I allow all that? Why was I always sitting quiet and obeying to all the stupid things they commanded. I got a degree that I hated, because they won't let me to switch saying I am too stupid anyway, and I got pretty good at it, I got to a software architect level in 3.5 years. And with all that I'm still terrified of my parents, seek approval, and instead I just find hurt, and blame and insults. I should be happy about getting accepted to university and finally breaking free of the career I didn't want, but instead I am really sad. I just need a few kind words of reassurance, I guess. :crying2:
Now the bad stuff. I called my parents that knew that I am applying and told them. Holly molly! I got all the range of laughter and saying how stupid I am and that I finally got a university degree, then why the hell I'm throwing it all out for a blue collar job. How I barely managed to get my computer science degree (which I was getting as a double major with psychology that I liked, a degree which I hated, with which I was working full time and studying full time), that I am too old to change anything (I'm 28 and the "too old" thing started when I was 22 and wanted to switch to another major because I didn't like the CS, but with all their screams I simply didn't dare). ..... And with all that I'm still terrified of my parents, seek approval, and instead I just find hurt, and blame and insults. I should be happy about getting accepted to university and finally breaking free of the career I didn't want, but instead I am really sad. I just need a few kind words of reassurance, I guess. :crying2:
Parents know which buttons to push, don't they? You reminded me of how my sister and BIL reacted when their oldest son decided to major in nursing: His father told him he was a nasty word for gay, this mother told him he would never get a job because no one wants a man taking care of them. I sat down and had a long talk with him and basically told him his parents were uninformed poopy heads.
The same thing happened to me. When I changed my major in college from biology to nursing my father told me that I was an idiot, that I'd never be anything or have anything, that I needed to be a civil engineer if I ever wanted to hold my head up in society. My mother, a nurse, said nothing other than she was surprised. Definitely not the vote of confidence i wanted. However, I stuck by my decision despite the laughter and ridicule and I've been a nurse for 32+ years.
I know you're still in your 20s but I think it's time to separate yourself from your family. Not throw them over, but stop putting so much stock in what they think. Its a part of growing up, when you recognize that you can take care of yourself and can handle the consequences of your decisions. First thing you do is STOP TELLING THEM STUFF. You know what they're going to say, so don't set yourself up. If they give advice, nod and then go about your business. You are not obligated to do what they say. You're not even obligated to listen to them! You're old enough to tell them "I'm not going to talk about this with you" and if they persist, you leave. They are being childish and controlling. If you keep letting them, they don't have any incentive to change. What would be the worst thing that could happen? They disown you? I bet you can support yourself. They stop talking to you? Sounds like that might be a good thing. They make fun of you? If a tree falls in the woods and there's nobody to hear, did it make a sound?
If you continue to allow the verbal abuse you have no one to blame but yourself.
You are right, why am I even seeking their approval if I cannot get it! I don't depend on them financially, and didn't when I studied for most of my first degree. It is my life, and it is something I want to do. I feel so much better. Thank you all very much. :heartbeat
Nohika, good luck to you too! I hope you get your dream eventually! May I ask what profession is it?
I want to be a veterinarian. Silly, I know, but I think that's where I belong. Sucks that I have to take such a long road to make it there, though.
I want to be a veterinarian. Silly, I know, but I think that's where I belong. Sucks that I have to take such a long road to make it there, though.
Not at all! I think it is a great, caring and hard profession! Don't you need a BSc to apply there in any case? So hopefully some of this time will not go to waste but rather in prep for veterinarian school.
Btw, I recently read a very inspiring autobiographical book written by British veterinarian. I think, you might like it, if you didn't read it yet. It is called "All creatures great and small" by James Herriot.
Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.
*sigh*
Unfortunately for most of us, we can't choose our parents--I am sure they have their good points, but you know they are only human. I am sorry about yours and their attitudes.
My story almost mirrors yours. I have a previous bachelors and a good job. When I told my mother I was going back to school, she literally laughed at me. Told me she was completely surprised, that she didn't know that wiping a$$#$ was a calling and said something about the mighty falling (because I got a bachelors from a fancy school). It was awful and I cried.
I haven't cut my family out but I have learned to limit my contact with them. I don't call them. I let them call me and then I keep it short. I try to email if I must convey information since that limits the interaction.
Believe it or not, the woman has come around and is now exceptionally excited to be attending my graduation in May. She has done all this reading and tries to tell me all about a nurse's job. Its kind of amusing and endearing. I haven't forgiven her for her initial abusive words since I think this is kind of typical of her but I do accept that she doesn't think as freely as I do and is not as bold. It is to her detriment, not mine.
Not at all! I think it is a great, caring and hard profession! Don't you need a BSc to apply there in any case? So hopefully some of this time will not go to waste but rather in prep for veterinarian school.
Btw, I recently read a very inspiring autobiographical book written by British veterinarian. I think, you might like it, if you didn't read it yet. It is called "All creatures great and small" by James Herriot.
It's just with a high debt load with far less starting pay than med school. You don't, to be honest - you just need the pre-requisites, though tons of people apply with bachelor's degrees and it's far more common. I don't know what I'll get a bachelor's in yet...I plan to get my ADN in nursing, then go and get my bachelors wherever I can find a job.
I have all his books! :redpinkhe:redpinkhe They're awesome. I quite love them. I'm a little wary about going to nursing school when I don't really want to, but it's really worth some independence, even if it'll suck for a while. I'm more scared about getting stuck in nursing and unable to "go to" anything else...
What your family did was not very nice behaviour? To laugh at someone is to hurt a soul.
But understand again, from their point of view. Nursing is not a very respected profession, which is why we still have to work at it in getting it to that place we want to be. Truthfully speaking, in nursing school, some foreign-born nurses made mention that nursing was not a respected profession in their countries and they would not have thought to study it.
And till date, you sometimes find people making snide comments, "glorified butt wipe" and stuff like that.
Most times, people ridicule what they don't understand.So it's up to us to educate them.
:crying2:
Silly, I know, but I think that's where I belong. Sucks that I have to take such a long road to make it there, though.
You don't, to be honest - you just need the pre-requisites, though tons of people apply with bachelor's degrees and it's far more common. I don't know what I'll get a bachelor's in yet...I plan to get my ADN in nursing, then go and get my bachelors wherever I can find a job.
mustlovepoodles, RN
1,041 Posts
Parents know which buttons to push, don't they? You reminded me of how my sister and BIL reacted when their oldest son decided to major in nursing: His father told him he was a nasty word for gay, this mother told him he would never get a job because no one wants a man taking care of them.
I sat down and had a long talk with him and basically told him his parents were uninformed poopy heads.
The same thing happened to me. When I changed my major in college from biology to nursing my father told me that I was an idiot, that I'd never be anything or have anything, that I needed to be a civil engineer if I ever wanted to hold my head up in society. My mother, a nurse, said nothing other than she was surprised.
Definitely not the vote of confidence i wanted. However, I stuck by my decision despite the laughter and ridicule and I've been a nurse for 32+ years.
I know you're still in your 20s but I think it's time to separate yourself from your family. Not throw them over, but stop putting so much stock in what they think. Its a part of growing up, when you recognize that you can take care of yourself and can handle the consequences of your decisions. First thing you do is STOP TELLING THEM STUFF. You know what they're going to say, so don't set yourself up. If they give advice, nod and then go about your business. You are not obligated to do what they say. You're not even obligated to listen to them! You're old enough to tell them "I'm not going to talk about this with you" and if they persist, you leave. They are being childish and controlling. If you keep letting them, they don't have any incentive to change. What would be the worst thing that could happen? They disown you? I bet you can support yourself. They stop talking to you? Sounds like that might be a good thing. They make fun of you? If a tree falls in the woods and there's nobody to hear, did it make a sound?
If you continue to allow the verbal abuse you have no one to blame but yourself.