Help With Copycat Friend

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guys, i need your advice with how to deal with a friend who wants to do everything that i do!! it started off with me deciding that i needed a career faster since i had a baby right before my first day of college. i decided to do my prereqs at the university that i attended and than switch to a rn diploma program instead of sticking to the university's bsn program. after i told her this plan, she wants to do it too!! i applied to the school, she applied there too. i applied to another school for a backup plan, she applied there too. decided to volunteer at a hospital, she wants to do it too. i work at the airport, she wants to fill out an application there. got a new car, now she wants one, got a new cell phone, she wants one like mine. i want to buy a pda, she wants one. trust me the list can go on from hair and clothes to babies birthday parties and jewelry. now i am scared to death to tell her anything for the fear of being copied. the school that i want to go to(that i'm still waiting for a letter from)she doesn't even want to go to. she already got her acceptance letter from there and is holding a spot from a person like me that really wants to go. the only reason why she is holding the spot as long as she can is to wait and see if i decide to go the other school (i'm keeping her guessing) this is starting to break my character down. i don't want to seem selfish. i am always trying to encourage and help people out. why do she copy me and is this normal. do any of you guys have friends like this one?:uhoh3:

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This happened to me in high school. Your friend has some unresolved issues and is trying to figure out who she is. I would say she admires you greatly. This, of course, doesn't change the fact that it's annoying as crap.

See if you can talk to her about why she suddenly wants to pursue nursing and, carefully, see if you can talk to her about why she wants to do everything that you do. This isn't high school, so I'd bet that, once the topic is out in the open, you'll find it easier to discuss.

I would say to tell her that you're going to the other school whether you get in or not, but I don't know if you still want this person to be a good friend. If you lie, you're committing a sin of your own.

Good luck!

Is your diploma program at Sentara? My mom went there back in the 1950s when it was Norfolk General School of Nursing, and she lived in the old Jenkins Hall that they just demolished a little while ago.

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Specializes in Peds - playing with the kids.

hi,

had one like that. after planning my wedding for 6 months, she decided on the spur of the moment to get married the night before me. i was trying to get pregnant...so did she. when i miscarried (after trying for a second baby) she called me the day i went back to work to let me know she was pregnant. i just had to slowly distance myself (not to mention that dh was majorly po'd at her for being so insensitive). eventually ties were cut. it takes a while to know when people aren't healthy to be around. imo...just start to distance yourself.

:icon_hug: hugs to you!!:icon_hug:

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Sounds like she might be scared and dealing with the situation by copying you. You seem to have your plan fairly worked. She may appear confident, but is floundering and looking to your for guidance.

Be honest. Tell her the "copycat" situation is bothering you. Assure her that she has her own judgement and does not need to follow everything you do.

If she is smart, she will listen in order to preserve the friendship. If she doesn't, well, you may have to distance yourself.

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Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.

She has low self-esteem and she cannot make decisions unless she thinks others (you) will approve. Its sad but the real problem is it is draining to you, so you need to stop it immediately.

A friend of mine had the same problem. The only way she stopped it was to stop all contact with her "copy cat" friend. It is the ONLY thing that worked.

Like you she complained that it broke down her spirit and moral. I know it is odd to tell us this because writing about this makes it seem like this should not be a big deal. However I saw what it did to my friend so I understand what you are going through. You must stop communicating with this friend or her behavior will continue to destroy you.

You do not have to be mean, just do not tell her about your decisions, your purchases, your life. Basically stop being CLOSE friends. If that does not work, stop talking to her all together. Good luck!

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Specializes in home & public health, med-surg, hospice.

Hi Capribry,

I agree with jillyk*rn and MBA2BRN's advise to distance yourself. Do not try to reason with her about this - chances are you won't be able to get through and this could very possibly just increase the neurotic behaviour.

Here's th' thing, she's like this b/c she's got problems. Doesn't matter why, when or how they developed, thing is they "are." I understand she's your friend and all but ppl like this, they're like parasites - literally living off you. They drain you, they suck the lifeblood right out of your body & spirit.

Be busy when she calls and when she wants to do something and noncomittal about your plans.

And, last but not least, Good luck!

P.S. Keep us posted...inquiring minds want to know!...lol

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

I wouldn't inform her of anything else i'm doing in the future.

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i would be a little more unavailable to her and keep a lot of my decisions to myself from now on. Also if she is more of a hassle than a friend, it sadly may be time to phase her out of your life. I have had to do that to people that i don't particularly want to get into a confrontation with, but had my own reasons for wanting them out of my inner circle or life altogether. Start screening the phone calls and get too busy to hang out much anymore.

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This happened to me in high school. Your friend has some unresolved issues and is trying to figure out who she is. I would say she admires you greatly. This, of course, doesn't change the fact that it's annoying as crap.

See if you can talk to her about why she suddenly wants to pursue nursing and, carefully, see if you can talk to her about why she wants to do everything that you do. This isn't high school, so I'd bet that, once the topic is out in the open, you'll find it easier to discuss.

I would say to tell her that you're going to the other school whether you get in or not, but I don't know if you still want this person to be a good friend. If you lie, you're committing a sin of your own.

Good luck!

Is your diploma program at Sentara? My mom went there back in the 1950s when it was Norfolk General School of Nursing, and she lived in the old Jenkins Hall that they just demolished a little while ago.

Yeah, it is now call SENTARA SCHOOL OF HEALTH PROFESSIONS and it is in Chesapeake. They don't have any halls anymore(i'm guessing you are talking about dorms) The school has a very good reputation and of course, all of the hospitals in this area are SENTARA HOSPITALS.

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It's going to be hard for me to not talk to her since we have the same anatomy class and lab. I forgot to tell you guys that she didn't want to be a nurse at first, and now she wants to work on labor and delivery like I want to be. Anyways I will try to talk to her tomorrow during our class break.

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Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.
It's going to be hard for me to not talk to her since we have the same anatomy class and lab.

This is not a problem. What many of us are trying to say is you do not have to SHARE your life with her. The fact that you have Lab does not mean anything. Talk "Lab" with her but do not talk about your personal life with her. Treat her like you would treat a person you barely know. Let her talk about herself without you sharing details about your life.

I would not waste my time trying to explain to her what is bothering you because as others have said she sounds like she has deep issues. She may turn it around on you and make you seem like you are insecure and selfish even though you are not.

Over time (or the rest of this Semester) if you stop sharing your life with her she will fade away. People like her do not do well with people that do not give them intimate details and ideas.

In fact, do not be surprised if she does not get through Nurisng school without you or someone like you. People like her do not trust his/her own judgement. Good luck.

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Your friend definitely has low self-esteem. It's easier for her to copy you then to think on her own and figure out what she wants to do with her life.

It is a complement, although it drives you crazy. Try to spend less time with her. I know it's hard but realize she's scared and looks up to you.

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