Help! I'm a BSN -RN. I'm 8 months into my first job. I work day shift on a very busy med-surg unit. From the first day I started, I've received consistent feedback that I "look stressed." Coworkers frequently ask me "are you doing ok?" - even on days when things are going great. Last week, a patient even complained to my director that his nurse looked "frazzled."Although, he had only favorable comments about my clinical skills, knowledge, and interpersonal skills, and, Ironically, he was my easiest patient that day! Coworkers frequently tell me to "calm down," but they so far, they haven't been able to pinpoint what it is about me that makes me look uncalm." Sometimes, I feel that if I get any calmer, I would be comotase, but apparently that's not the affect I'm projecting to others. Can anyone offer any insight on this?
Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.
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The one patient that complained was probably feeling ignored.....had a patient do that to me once...they were the least medically/nursing intense patient on my assignment....and didn't see overmuch of me......so they complained.
I got some of this when I first started too. I agree with previous suggestions...talk slowly, smile, sit-down when you can. If everyone is telling you this there is probably something there. If you have insurance consider seeing a therapist who might be able to see things you can not, and or offer strategies to help regardless if you are anxious or not.
I like the idea of getting a refresher. i.e brows, cut, what have you.
I have a tendency to show my thoughts on my face. So whatever I am thinking it shows and people always ask what is wrong. Because I work 7p-7a most of my patients are winding down. I am winding up. So I joke and warn people I am a wind up toy and will wind down later Or something to that affect. I fine tune the phrasing since not all pt's are alike. It usually breaks the ice and covers up what may be a horrible shift.
In addition to the above comments to smile and slow your speech down, here are some other suggestions:
Make eye contact when you speak with the pt. If you are constantly multitasking, trying to get things done, you often aren't looking at people directly in the eye. It makes you appear preoccupied and rushed. Even a few moments of standing still at the side of the bed, smile on your face, good eye contact will make all the difference.
Do not speak to the patient or family with your back partially turned, or while you're walking into or out of the room, or with your hand on the doorknob. Make sure you start your conversations after you have completely entered the room. End your conversation and contact before you turn to exit the room.
Allow people to finish their sentences. Don't finish sentences or supply words unless they are obviously struggling. When you ask questions, only ask one and let them finish the answer before you move on.
Note if you sigh a lot. I, for whatever reason, sigh frequently. I know it makes me sound frazzled and frustrated, and I make a conscious effort to refrain from sighing whenever possible.
If possible, carry a voice recorder with your for at least a portion of your shift. You can listen back to it and see how your interactions with your patients sound. While this won't give you any insight into your physical appearance, it should give you an idea of how fast you are speaking and whether your tone or speaking patterns seems rushed or stressed.
Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
I've had this problem too... It used to get on my nerves a lot until I realized my "thinking face" and "irritated face" look very similiar. I have no idea why, but I just try to smile more. :)
YES!!!! People used to stop me in the hall and say, "What's WRONG?!?!?" I was a little taken aback. Nothing was wrong, I was just thinking ahead and apparently looked VERY somber. I learned to smile more too.
Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
I have this same problem. When I put my "thinking" face on I look very serious and often look angry when I am not even close to being angry. I have to make myself remember to smile. But it also might actually be good to review some information on body language. It helped me a lot. I also went out and got a good haircut, a little color, had my brows professionally done and cleaned up my wardrobe a bit. It really helped.
I also read a book about body language and I learned a great deal from that book. Sometimes I wish that I could see myself on camera during the day to see what others see. If I am not laughing and joking with my co-workers when it is time to work, they think I am angry! I am just trying to be efficient, but I guess it looks like I am mad. I am not smart enough to banter when I have XYZ to take care of before ABC can be completed...airhead me!
When I myself was hospitalized last year I had a nurse who I would describe as frazzled. She had unruly haphazard hair. It looked like it had been up and was partially falling and she had a pen stuck in it. When she came in she went right to it hanging iv but never stopped to talk to me or answer questions about my meds or why a test was being done. She came in to give me a medicine that the cardiologist had just changed the type. When I asked her what she was giving me, and it was the old medication, I tried to tell her the dr had changed it when he came to see me. She argued with me and said well this is on the chart so this is what you will take. I firmly said," no, you can give it but I won't be taking it- go look at my chart again." she huffed out. She was disorganized, lack bedside manner, couldn't answer questions and looked frazzled.
While our society can hyper focus on how one looks, we must remember that before we open our mouths, we r being critiqued and judged on our appearance. For example, if I see a person with horribly scuffed and dirty shoes, this reflects says a lot to me about that person. If you come over to my house covered in cat hair it says something. If you a growing a full mustache and you are a woman, I am sorry it says something. If you are rapidly jumping from topic to topic with nary a breath in between, it says something. If your nails r dirty and full of hang nails, it says something. If you r wearing flip flops and your heels are so crusty and your nails r yellow it says something. If you come in with neat hair, clean nails, clean clothes and shoes, a calm clear manner in speaking well that clearly says something as well. If your medical supplies r organized on your person it says something. I am ready to listen and I feel confident in your care. Self examination is important but it doesn't mean I care what others think of my personal appearance. If I am in a position of authority, such as a nurse or educator, I know that taking note of these things gives others a feeling of confidence in what I am about to say or do. My actions and words then support this. Does this make sense? It is the same about my home, b4 you come over, I have made sure every toilet and bathroom is eat off the floor worthy. I notice the details. Ok, I have gone on and on enough. You get the point! :) self examine and make changes where needed! You do not want that to be others perception of you! By you saying you r fine means you haven't self examined! One person saying something can be overlooked, many people saying it means you should take note and make change. Keep in mind for every person that says something there are many, many more that haven't. Good luck!
I once asked a nurse how she could deal with everything (that had gone bad) that one morning and not seem to even look like it was a problem.
Botox right in the forehead. She does it to prevent wrinkles. Everyone thinks she has "a pair"
You have now achieved the impossible - for the first time in my life, I'm actually giving (very minor) consideration to getting Botox injections! :lol2:
There's one doctor in particular at work who is CONSTANTLY telling me that I gave him a "look", or that I am thinking he's an idiot, or that I am annoyed or whatever. It is *SO* annoying now, esp because I am never thinking whatever he's accusing me of!!
I know that I do tend to show what I am thinking on my face, but I assume I must have some facial expressions that lead him to think these things. I am so careful now to the point that I don't cross my arms if he is nearby in case he thinks I am having "attitude"!
I do frequently get asked if I am annoyed or if something is wrong, and this has happened since I was about 15 and working at a supermarket checkout.. I think I just concentrate on what I am doing and am not a "smiley", sunshiney person.
I really don't know what to do about it - at some point, my face is what it is!
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diane227, LPN, RN
1,941 Posts
Also, you can purchase lip stains. Revlon makes some that I use. The color stays on all day and if you get a minute you can just put a bit of gloss on. I never use anything else any more.