Help, I Feel Like A Failure

[Uriel95, BSN]

I started college in 2014 and after 2years of premed I switched to nursing. I was originally supposed to graduate nursing school December 2019 but I failed a class in my third year. The semester has ended, I failed again just 6 months to my graduation. I’m emotionally blank I don’t even know what to do. I left a abusive relationship last year ( the abuse was one of the reasons why I failed the first time, coupled with working in warehouses to pay tuition because I don’t qualify for financial aid or scholarships. I pay out of pocket) only to find out Jan 2019 that I was pregnant for my ex. To cut the long story short I placed the baby up for adoption due to the circumstances I found myself in. However, the birth and adoption process opened up the memory gate and I started dealing with flashbacks due to the years of abuse. I went from been on the deans list 3.8gpa to a 2.7gpa, I’ve been battling suicidal thoughts and depression, ptsd, finances (I literally pay 10grand a semester) and you know what’s worse? My memory loss. I literally forgot normal potassium level, what drug class carvedilol is during my medsurg ATI. I blanked out and couldn’t remember a thing. I still can’t get over the feeling, I felt so dumb and was mad at myself for it. My professor reported me to the dean because she noticed. She said I had mommy brain and my brain is trying to block out the traumatic experience She was the only one who asked how I was with my child loss. Sorry if I’m ranting but I can’t stop being mad at myself for thinking I could handle it all, now all the money I’ve spent was a waste? Who fails in senior year? What did I do to deserve all the abuse? I’ve literally stopped driving because I get severe anxiety and panic attacks. I’m a crying mess. I’m hurt, I’m so hurt. 2019 has been horrible for me.

My therapist says I should keep talking about it but I feel even worse any time I think about it. I LOVE NURSING, it’s my dream, I don’t want to give up but these negative thoughts keep coming. Somebody say something please

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

You are being super hard on yourself. I think somewhere you know this or you would not know to outline all the trauma you have been through.

Girlfriend, get yourself healthy. Nursing will always be there. Lots of people fail their senior year. Lots of people recover from what you have been through - but not without doing the work of moving through it. I am glad you are seeing a therapist. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself some space and time to heal.

[_Cecilia_, BSN, RN]

I agree with Nurse SMS: many people fail their senior year, and have recovered, but not without putting in work. From what I've read, it seems that you're very hardworking, so I am confident that you are trying your best to find help and work through this.

Managing how you view yourself would most definitely strengthen you to handle the stressors in your life... This post may be long, so I apologize for its longevity.

I want to try stressing the importance of this idea: Be a best friend to yourself. In other words, try your best to manage your self-talk. In moments of self-doubt, take a moment to focus on your breathing (focus on inhaling slowly and exhaling slowly), enough times to clear your mind. When you can, imagine an objective non-emotional version of yourself and the emotional version sitting next to each other. Try to view yourself as the objective non-emotional person and tell your "emotional" self these things:

• You left an abusive relationship, which not many others have the internal strength to do.
• You have the ability to be hard-working and a strong desire to succeed, as shown by your ability to achieve dean's list.

Essentially, please try your best to recognize when you're not being a friend to yourself. When you say something negative, try your best to take a moment to step back and recognize what you've said and imagine saying that to one of your friends. Then, try again, and say what you would want to say to a friend to help encourage them.

I feel that many people forget to acknowledge the SMALL accomplishments they've done. Take a moment to write down some small accomplishments, whether it's completing an assignment on time, supporting another person/having them smile, etc. It's similar to what we want to do for our patients. We want to give them small acts of kindness because we know that it could mean a lot to them. Similarly, give yourself small acts of kindness by acknowledging all the small things you've done for yourself (having the strength to eat, open the blinds on the windows, etc.)

With depression, PTSD, anxiety, and stress, I understand how this can be challenging because of all the rampant thoughts in your mind, but you've challenged yourself through the first year of nursing school. Nursing school comes with the stressors of adapting to a new environment, a new way of thinking, and new information. Again, from what I've read, it seems that you're very hardworking, so I am confident that you are trying your best to find help and work through this.

Start by ending your day by looking at yourself in the mirror, and taking the time to recognize at least 3 to 5 small (or big) things you were able to accomplish that day. When you have those, tell yourself (out loud): "You're amazing for doing...."

I really hope this helped in some way ❤️ I'm here to listen if you'd like to talk more about what's concerning you, and if there was anything I've mentioned that was confusing, please don't hesitate to reach out and ask!

[Uriel95, BSN]

14 hours ago, Nurse SMS said:

You are being super hard on yourself. I think somewhere you know this or you would not know to outline all the trauma you have been through.

Girlfriend, get yourself healthy. Nursing will always be there. Lots of people fail their senior year. Lots of people recover from what you have been through - but not without doing the work of moving through it. I am glad you are seeing a therapist. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself some space and time to heal.

Thank you so much. I woke up this morning feeling better than I was yesterday. I know I can’t take care of others if I don’t take care of myself first. Thank you so much for your response

[Uriel95, BSN]

2 hours ago, _Cecilia_ said:

I agree with Nurse SMS: many people fail their senior year, and have recovered, but not without putting in work. From what I've read, it seems that you're very hardworking, so I am confident that you are trying your best to find help and work through this.

Managing how you view yourself would most definitely strengthen you to handle the stressors in your life... This post may be long, so I apologize for its longevity.

I want to try stressing the importance of this idea: Be a best friend to yourself. In other words, try your best to manage your self-talk. In moments of self-doubt, take a moment to focus on your breathing (focus on inhaling slowly and exhaling slowly), enough times to clear your mind. When you can, imagine an objective non-emotional version of yourself and the emotional version sitting next to each other. Try to view yourself as the objective non-emotional person and tell your "emotional" self these things:

• You left an abusive relationship, which not many others have the internal strength to do.
• You have the ability to be hard-working and a strong desire to succeed, as shown by your ability to achieve dean's list.

Essentially, please try your best to recognize when you're not being a friend to yourself. When you say something negative, try your best to take a moment to step back and recognize what you've said and imagine saying that to one of your friends. Then, try again, and say what you would want to say to a friend to help encourage them.

I feel that many people forget to acknowledge the SMALL accomplishments they've done. Take a moment to write down some small accomplishments, whether it's completing an assignment on time, supporting another person/having them smile, etc. It's similar to what we want to do for our patients. We want to give them small acts of kindness because we know that it could mean a lot to them. Similarly, give yourself small acts of kindness by acknowledging all the small things you've done for yourself (having the strength to eat, open the blinds on the windows, etc.)

With depression, PTSD, anxiety, and stress, I understand how this can be challenging because of all the rampant thoughts in your mind, but you've challenged yourself through the first year of nursing school. Nursing school comes with the stressors of adapting to a new environment, a new way of thinking, and new information. Again, from what I've read, it seems that you're very hardworking, so I am confident that you are trying your best to find help and work through this.

Start by ending your day by looking at yourself in the mirror, and taking the time to recognize at least 3 to 5 small (or big) things you were able to accomplish that day. When you have those, tell yourself (out loud): "You're amazing for doing...."

I really hope this helped in some way ❤️ I'm here to listen if you'd like to talk more about what's concerning you, and if there was anything I've mentioned that was confusing, please don't hesitate to reach out and ask!

I honestly never looked at things this way, I just been mad at myself. But I understand everything you’ve said. I’ll make sure to do everything you said, and keep working hard to excel. Thank you ❤️

[_Cecilia_, BSN, RN]

1 minute ago, Uriel95 said:

I honestly never looked at things this way, I just been mad at myself. But I understand everything you’ve said. I’ll make sure to do everything you said, and keep working hard to excel. Thank you ❤️

Yay, I'm glad it was understandable! Remember doing it takes practice -- it's like learning how to ride a bike. It's expected that you fall a few times, but that's okay. So long as you keep going at it, you'll be able to learn ❤️ Hope you have a lovely day today.

[DTWriter]

Does failing this class mean that you are out of the nursing program?

If not, then you have another chance with the nursing program, so -

1) Take a leave of absence. Return when you are healthy- physically, mentally, and spiritually. Take advantage of the absence to review NCLEX-like questions.

2) Do what others say; get healthy. Make a list of the activities that make you happy, and then do them.

3) Apply to scholarships. There are scholarships for almost anything. For instance, there are scholarships for domestic abuse survivors, there are scholarships for mothers, there is a scholarship for those with low GPA, etc.

4) Have "plan B" options in place. For instance, you may want to consider becoming a LVN/LPN first. Not only would you save money on tuition, but you could then work as a LPN, earning pay as a LPN... and acquiring nursing experience... while you pursue your RN, BSN through online bridge programs.

[Uriel95, BSN]

3 minutes ago, DTWriter said:

Does failing this class mean that you are out of the nursing program?

If not, then you have another chance with the nursing program, so -

1) Take a leave of absence. Return when you are healthy- physically, mentally, and spiritually. Take advantage of the absence to review NCLEX-like questions.

2) Do what others say; get healthy. Make a list of the activities that make you happy, and then do them.

3) Apply to Scholarships. There are scholarships for almost anything. For instance, there are scholarships for domestic abuse survivors, there are scholarships for mothers, there is a Scholarship for those with low GPA, etc.

4) Have "plan B" options in place. For instance, you may want to consider becoming a LVN/LPN first. Not only would you save money on tuition, but you could then work as a LPN, earning pay as a LPN... and acquiring nursing experience... while you pursue your RN, BSN through online bridge programs.

I’d look at the scholarship options you mentioned. I appealed to get back into the program and I’d find out in 4 days what the decision is.

[DowntheRiver]

Honestly, if what you are saying is true, I'd appeal you grades based on medical/mental health reasons. I know this can be done, even when the grades have been finalized.

When I found out I had cancer, I appealed the grades for the semester leading up to my diagnosis (Spring) and the semester I actually withdrew from (Summer). Once I had a medical necessity letter and filled out the school's paperwork, nobody questioned a thing.

[Uriel95, BSN]

On 1/2/2020 at 6:23 PM, DowntheRiver said:

Honestly, if what you are saying is true, I'd appeal you grades based on medical/mental health reasons. I know this can be done, even when the grades have been finalized.

When I found out I had cancer, I appealed the grades for the semester leading up to my diagnosis (Spring) and the semester I actually withdrew from (Summer). Once I had a medical necessity letter and filled out the school's paperwork, nobody questioned a thing.

I did appeal and I got an email from the dean today, my appeal was granted and I would be allowed to retake the class. I am also mandated to see a therapist weekly and the dean monthly, and to review every exam with my professor. Unfortunately I can’t take a semester off due to my financial situation. It’s kind of complicated. I feel much better, I started journaling and I’m doing okay mentally. The school was well aware If what I went through. I got one last chance and it’s my responsibility now to make sure I’m in a good mental state. Thank you.

I truly hope you’re in great health now, happy new year!

[Uriel95, BSN]

It seems like yesterday when I made this post, devastated and battling depression. I just wanted to update y’all, I’m now a REGISTERED NURSE!. I graduated, I scaled through my obstacles and passed my NCLEX. Thank you for your words of encouragement!

[sirI, MSN, APRN, NP]

12 hours ago, Uriel95 said:

It seems like yesterday when I made this post, devastated and battling depression. I just wanted to update y’all, I’m now a REGISTERED NURSE!. I graduated, I scaled through my obstacles and passed my NCLEX. Thank you for your words of encouragement!

CONGRATULATIONS!  So proud for you, @Uriel95. Great job. ?