I started college in 2014 and after 2years of premed I switched to nursing. I was originally supposed to graduate nursing school December 2019 but I failed a class in my third year. The semester has ended, I failed again just 6 months to my graduation. I’m emotionally blank I don’t even know what to do. I left a abusive relationship last year ( the abuse was one of the reasons why I failed the first time, coupled with working in warehouses to pay tuition because I don’t qualify for financial aid or scholarships. I pay out of pocket) only to find out Jan 2019 that I was pregnant for my ex. To cut the long story short I placed the baby up for adoption due to the circumstances I found myself in. However, the birth and adoption process opened up the memory gate and I started dealing with flashbacks due to the years of abuse. I went from been on the deans list 3.8gpa to a 2.7gpa, I’ve been battling suicidal thoughts and depression, ptsd, finances (I literally pay 10grand a semester) and you know what’s worse? My memory loss. I literally forgot normal potassium level, what drug class carvedilol is during my medsurg ATI. I blanked out and couldn’t remember a thing. I still can’t get over the feeling, I felt so dumb and was mad at myself for it. My professor reported me to the dean because she noticed. She said I had mommy brain and my brain is trying to block out the traumatic experience She was the only one who asked how I was with my child loss. Sorry if I’m ranting but I can’t stop being mad at myself for thinking I could handle it all, now all the money I’ve spent was a waste? Who fails in senior year? What did I do to deserve all the abuse? I’ve literally stopped driving because I get severe anxiety and panic attacks. I’m a crying mess. I’m hurt, I’m so hurt. 2019 has been horrible for me.
My therapist says I should keep talking about it but I feel even worse any time I think about it. I LOVE NURSING, it’s my dream, I don’t want to give up but these negative thoughts keep coming. Somebody say something please
