Help with confidence

Published

Specializes in OB, ortho/neuro, home care, office.

Okay - I'm opening this thread because I am at my wits end. Every time I have a few days off, the day before I go back to work my anxiety grows steadily. I almost dread going to work. In a few years I will probably treasure this, but for now I'm near terrified of every day. Mostly because I never know what I'm walking into, never knowing what to expect. Again, down the road I'm sure I will find that exciting. But with me working as so many nurses (L&D/PP/nursery/Med/surg) I just feel so....overwhelmed. So incompetent. I have a history of anxiety disorder, treated with xanax only when I need it. Well I'm getting to the point where I will need it soon if I can't figure out how to fix this and soon. I've only been an RN for 2.5 months. Only been working at the hospital for 3 days shy of 3 months. I hate telling the supervisor in med/surg that I'm feeling overwhelmed, that I am not ready for some things, mostly because she once said to me "you will have to take 4 patients sometime". Sure, I'm sure I will, but I never had clinicals in this hospital, I didn't know anything about the floor before I started there, and being in so many roles is making life miserable. My true love is OB. I am sure of that. But this is the only hospital in the area willing to accept a new grad in OB. It came with many disadvantages. Maybe 15 deliveries a month and the rest of the time spent in med/surg. A nurse supervisor that isn't very kind, she smiles at you as she gives you the worst assignments. I just wish I could find a "security blanket" something to make me feel secure in what I am doing. I just can't think of anything. Having never been a nurse before and doing it all on my own in a med/surg unit from my second day on is difficult. I knew I could ask the other nurses for help, but some of them aren't approachable. They look flabbergasted at the fact that I have only put in maybe 3 catheters. I have started several IV's, but with the background of and phlebotomist that wasn't that hard for me to pick up on. I have never sunk an NG. I feel like I'm drowning in a pool of fear. It has gotten better, in some aspects, but in others I'm so afraid to try something that I never get the experience. I know I need to stick my neck out, but I fear it may get chopped off. This is taking alot for me to say this to such a large group, but I don't know what to do. I have bills to pay and I can't just 'quit' my job. I am afraid to ask for more help because well, I'm taking the lightest load, with the exception of the LPN's. I just don't know what to do. Please don't think negatively of me. This really was a hard post to write for me. I pride myself on being 'fearless', and for the first time, I find myself terrified. Please offer any suggestions you may have, either here or PM.

Thanks in advance.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in med/surg, rural, ER.

jen, first of all, congratulations on finishing school! you made it through some very emotionally, physically and academically taxing years--and you came out on top!

i know that right now there is nothing i can say that will put you at ease and get you out of this anxious state. i also know that you can get out! the exact key to escape this trap of fear is different for everyone, but i know that for 100% of people your mindset and focus that makes a huge difference. have you ever noticed that if you look for people in a crowd that are ugly/beautiful/fat/skinny/smiling/frowning you will find a lot them? just like the "where's waldo" books, we find what we are looking for. i found the key to my first few months of nursing was this focus. i, too, would face the anxiety of going to work and not knowing what i would get on the floor and if i could handle it. i decided i couldn't live that way and found two daily focuses. this first was to make each of my patient's days a bit better (for some that meant a smile, for another that meant to teach them something to help them towards a more successful healing after discharge). my second goal was to learn something each day and learn it with confidence. i realized that i had a small foundation to build on after school and accepted that. as i strived to learn one thing each day and do everything with the confidence i didn't feel i found that i actually felt more confident in general. you can trick your own mind into being confident!

look for good things in your shift. at the end of the day focus on what you did better than the last day--not what you did wrong! encourage others and you will find yourself encouraged.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Behavioral Health.

OMG...2 1/2 months and they expect you to be proficient in M/S, PP, L&D, and NSY...heaven's no!!!

When I went into L&D they started me in PP 1st. I had 6 weeks of orientation for just PP. Then I worked only PP for a few months and got comfortable there before they sent me to L&D. Then, my L&D orientation was 6 weeks (not to the OR for c/sections, etc). Then, for 3 months, I was technically on my own, but they paired me with another nurse to use as my "personal resource". She was always there for me. Now, keep in mind, for that 3 months, I was working L&D FULL-TIME...8 hrs. a day for 12 weeks...some days I had no deliveries...other days I had 2 deliveries...needless to say, for the first 3 months I was off of orientation, I was the nurse for approximately 50-60 deliveries. It was that repeated, consistent exposure to the deliveries that made me feel comfortable.

I know that you said all the other hospitals in the area require experience. Did you actually apply to them??? The hospital I'm currently at says they require 2 yrs. of experience...but actually that is just what they are hoping for.

You are wearing too many hats, I fear. :crying2:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ACNP-BC.

Just to let you know you're not the only new grad who is feeling nervous & not completely confident. I'm pretty calm on my days off & as I'm driving to the hospital to go to work but the thing that gets me nervous is when anyone asks me anything I do not know & that makes me feel super nervous & eats away at my confidence. I almost feel like announcing to docs & others "I'm brand new so if I look at you puzzled, it's because I truly am!" :) I know i'm a perfectionist & I tend to get fixated on what I don't know-I know this is not the greatest habit in the world to have! Just know you're not alone & that I think all of us new nurses are walking around feeling unsure of ourselves & what we know. For me, I'm doing my best to speak up & ask the more experienced nurses when I don't know something & I also learn a lot by subscribing to several professional nursing journals (RN, AJN, Sigma Theta Tau, Journal of Adult Health) & I plan on doing some reading of my books too-just the sections I need to understand better-like about PICC lines & things like that. Good luck to you & hang in there! :)

-Christine

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You are definatley not alone. I get this feeling in my stomach every time I right down my assignment. I had the most horrendous day today. Too long to get into, but I feel every bit of your anxiety. I was one of the top graduates in my class, did excellant in clinicals, and now I feel that I am so incompetent at times. Every one says that it will get better, but I rack my brain trying to be more time efficient and manage my assignment better. Our cna's are no help at all. I try my best to help out withtheir workload, but all I get in return is attitude. Case in point, The cna called me by my wrong nameabout 6 times in a row. I politely said."My name is Julie." Her response, "WHATEVER!' Later she called me by the wrong name, I told her again , My name is Julie." response, "Whatever" At the end of the shift, no IandO's charted, rooms were messy, and when I asked to help me get a patient to the commode, she said she was to busy. I want to be a good nurse, I want to help my patient's, but I feel like I'm drowning half the time. I'm off orientation. ( Which was a joke in itself) and I feel like giving up at times. BUT-I am in this for the long run. I will keep youi n my prayers Julie

Up Vote Up Vote ×

i too feel what ure going through i start on the actual floor sun and im really nervous that ill look stupid because they dont teach u everything in school and when we asked it was always you'll learn it on the floor....i hope theyre right .....ill keep you in my prayers.....hang in there

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in OB, ortho/neuro, home care, office.
i too feel what ure going through i start on the actual floor sun and im really nervous that ill look stupid because they dont teach u everything in school and when we asked it was always you'll learn it on the floor....i hope theyre right .....ill keep you in my prayers.....hang in there

Well - today was another rough day. I work again tomorrow. BUT when I got home, a place I had applied to for OB called on the machine. Knowing I haven't had alot of experience, they have an opening in Oct and they would like to interview me! WOW! What a relief. It's the same place that will assist with paying for my education!!! I will be calling first thing Monday morning, that's a fact!

Thanks all for your words of support and encouragement. It means alot. I just pray I get this other job because it's 1. closer, 2. I've done clinicals on that floor, 3. I would be just ONE (1) nurse!!!!!! 4. No floating!!! If you want to pray for me, pray that I get this other job!!!

Thanks guys!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Well - today was another rough day. I work again tomorrow. BUT when I got home, a place I had applied to for OB called on the machine. Knowing I haven't had alot of experience, they have an opening in Oct and they would like to interview me! WOW! What a relief. It's the same place that will assist with paying for my education!!! I will be calling first thing Monday morning, that's a fact!

Thanks all for your words of support and encouragement. It means alot. I just pray I get this other job because it's 1. closer, 2. I've done clinicals on that floor, 3. I would be just ONE (1) nurse!!!!!! 4. No floating!!! If you want to pray for me, pray that I get this other job!!!

Thanks guys!

Good Luck to you. God willing, you will get this job. Keep us informed Julie

Up Vote Up Vote ×

If its meant to be it will be .....good luck

Up Vote Up Vote ×

today was the last day of my orientation as a new grad...this week was really hard for me, basically i was on my own, because my preceptor was off, forgot to endorse to the next shift to get the lab values, forgot to give barium suspension for my patient who was supposed to have cat scan the next day, i'm not doing well with my admission assessment, ahhhh what else....too many to mention!!! i work pm's and everytime i come home from work i cant sleep because there are alot of things that keeps on bugging me, like what did i forget to do? have i endorsed everything that the next shift needs to know? did i do something wrong or will i get fired because of this and that or am i a good nurse or will i be a good nurse....those things!!! last week i was really nervous that i kinda want to quit...but im giving myself a chance to learn and be confident...so good luck to all of us!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU, telemetry, LTAC.

Someone responded to find something good in each day, and focus on something you can do right. That's very good advice. What I'm doing so far is journalling specifically for work. Write down what I learned, what I did wrong, what I did right, etc. It can be comforting. It did feel really good wednesday to write down how well I did with my charting up till 4pm on the one patient, how awful my direct admit was, and how I can avoid leaving out an entire note from my narrative notes. (I gotta find out monday if I can put in a late entry this late after the fact.)

Best of luck to you with that interview though!

-Indy

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Wow, hunny_pye. Your post sounds as if I wrote it. I'm a new nurse with just one month of experience. I understand about going home and worrying & wondering if I did this or that or if I'll get back to work to find that I didn't do something for a patient that I should have or vice versa. It's taking it's toll on me. I feel like quitting all the time. The only thing that keeps me there is that I need to pay off my student loan. That and the fact that I want to get my 1-2 years of experience so I can move on into a more desireable position. In talking with a lot of other new nurses the feelings are mutual. Just find somebody you can talk to about everything. Allnurses.com is a very good site to vent. I have found a couple of nurses on my floor that are great resources. keep asking questions if you are unsure and have confidence in the fact that you made it this far. One thing I like to keep reminding myself of is that EVERY NURSE has been a new grad at one time or another. They weren't born with great nursing skills so don't let anybody intimidate you. I'm fortunate to work in a hospital with a "Codeof Conduct" so if somebody tries to belittle me or my abilities I can remind them of this code.

Hang in there. You are definitely not alone.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion