Okay - I'm opening this thread because I am at my wits end. Every time I have a few days off, the day before I go back to work my anxiety grows steadily. I almost dread going to work. In a few years I will probably treasure this, but for now I'm near terrified of every day. Mostly because I never know what I'm walking into, never knowing what to expect. Again, down the road I'm sure I will find that exciting. But with me working as so many nurses (L&D/PP/nursery/Med/surg) I just feel so....overwhelmed. So incompetent. I have a history of anxiety disorder, treated with xanax only when I need it. Well I'm getting to the point where I will need it soon if I can't figure out how to fix this and soon. I've only been an RN for 2.5 months. Only been working at the hospital for 3 days shy of 3 months. I hate telling the supervisor in med/surg that I'm feeling overwhelmed, that I am not ready for some things, mostly because she once said to me "you will have to take 4 patients sometime". Sure, I'm sure I will, but I never had clinicals in this hospital, I didn't know anything about the floor before I started there, and being in so many roles is making life miserable. My true love is OB. I am sure of that. But this is the only hospital in the area willing to accept a new grad in OB. It came with many disadvantages. Maybe 15 deliveries a month and the rest of the time spent in med/surg. A nurse supervisor that isn't very kind, she smiles at you as she gives you the worst assignments. I just wish I could find a "security blanket" something to make me feel secure in what I am doing. I just can't think of anything. Having never been a nurse before and doing it all on my own in a med/surg unit from my second day on is difficult. I knew I could ask the other nurses for help, but some of them aren't approachable. They look flabbergasted at the fact that I have only put in maybe 3 catheters. I have started several IV's, but with the background of and phlebotomist that wasn't that hard for me to pick up on. I have never sunk an NG. I feel like I'm drowning in a pool of fear. It has gotten better, in some aspects, but in others I'm so afraid to try something that I never get the experience. I know I need to stick my neck out, but I fear it may get chopped off. This is taking alot for me to say this to such a large group, but I don't know what to do. I have bills to pay and I can't just 'quit' my job. I am afraid to ask for more help because well, I'm taking the lightest load, with the exception of the LPN's. I just don't know what to do. Please don't think negatively of me. This really was a hard post to write for me. I pride myself on being 'fearless', and for the first time, I find myself terrified. Please offer any suggestions you may have, either here or PM.
Wow, hunny_pye. Your post sounds as if I wrote it. I'm a new nurse with just one month of experience. I understand about going home and worrying & wondering if I did this or that or if I'll get back to work to find that I didn't do something for a patient that I should have or vice versa. It's taking it's toll on me. I feel like quitting all the time. The only thing that keeps me there is that I need to pay off my student loan. That and the fact that I want to get my 1-2 years of experience so I can move on into a more desireable position. In talking with a lot of other new nurses the feelings are mutual. Just find somebody you can talk to about everything. Allnurses.com is a very good site to vent. I have found a couple of nurses on my floor that are great resources. keep asking questions if you are unsure and have confidence in the fact that you made it this far. One thing I like to keep reminding myself of is that EVERY NURSE has been a new grad at one time or another. They weren't born with great nursing skills so don't let anybody intimidate you. I'm fortunate to work in a hospital with a "Codeof Conduct" so if somebody tries to belittle me or my abilities I can remind them of this code.
Hang in there. You are definitely not alone.
I think all of us new nurses feel this way too. There are some days when you finish working where you just worry yourself sick thinking, Did i forget to do something with my pt? I try not to worry about it because I'll just end up having a burnout! It can be scary being a nurse, having all of this responsibility, but in the end, the patients appreaciate us and we mean so much to them. I find it's also hard to start working and the other experienced nurses expect so much from you.....and it does take years before you can start feeling confident.......or so i'm told!
I think all of us new nurses feel this way too. There are some days when you finish working where you just worry yourself sick thinking, Did i forget to do something with my pt? I try not to worry about it because I'll just end up having a burnout! It can be scary being a nurse, having all of this responsibility, but in the end, the patients appreaciate us and we mean so much to them. I find it's also hard to start working and the other experienced nurses expect so much from you.....and it does take years before you can start feeling confident.......or so i'm told!
It will soon be okay. I'm also and a new nurse and feel the same and it doesn't feel like alot of people understand. With each day, things get a little easier and I try to find easier ways to do things and to "expect the unexpected." God never puts on us what we canno bear. I too want to quit sometimes but am in it for the long haul. So many people need us!! Good luck and God Bless...AMARTIN1
I am up at one am writing this because tomorrow is my first day back on after a few and i'm getting that awful rock in my stomach. i don't want to go back. my coworkers are wonderful and supportive, but i hate med-surg, i've only worked for three months, and I feel like this incompetent idiot. i've had crazy shifts lately, one of my pt's died for the first time (DNR thank god), the next day one almost died, and the day after I got an admit from hell an hour before the shift was over. i love ob more than I can tell you. i did work ob once before this job, but I was fired in a mess of horizontal violence and being thrown in way too soon. I have two small children at home (2 and 4), and i'm working full-time nights. I've requested part-time, but I can't have it yet because a nurse is on leave, and we need the next new nurse to get off orientation. So that helps, but my mind and my body and my family are falling apart. My boss and supervisors like me and have so much faith in me, so i don't want to let them down, and I can't imagine that i could apply for ob jobs because it would look pretty bad to leave after only three months. The ob manager at my hospital knows I want to transfer to her unit, and she sticks to the hospital policy that you must get your 6-month review first then cross train to pick up shifts, but she wants a year of experience before i can come on full-time. i know that's really not much but the feeling of dread I have about coming to work every day is unbearable, not to mention the fact that i got to do what i loved once and it's gone.
i feel like i'm never going to have that "good sense" that the good nurses have. Can anyone who has had this awful sense of dread tell me- does that ever go away, or am I really just in a job that i don't like? Do you dread it less when you're better at it? I don't enjoy working with the elderly and i feel really bad about that because that's the overwhelming majority of my patients. they deserve good care and someone who genuinely enjoys them. i do my best, and i'm caring to them but inside I'm just annoyed when I leave the room.
Sigh. thanks for letting me take up space with my vent.
today was the last day of my orientation as a new grad...this week was really hard for me, basically i was on my own, because my preceptor was off, forgot to endorse to the next shift to get the lab values, forgot to give barium suspension for my patient who was supposed to have cat scan the next day, i'm not doing well with my admission assessment, ahhhh what else....too many to mention!!! i work pm's and everytime i come home from work i cant sleep because there are alot of things that keeps on bugging me, like what did i forget to do? have i endorsed everything that the next shift needs to know? did i do something wrong or will i get fired because of this and that or am i a good nurse or will i be a good nurse....those things!!! last week i was really nervous that i kinda want to quit...but im giving myself a chance to learn and be confident...so good luck to all of us!!!
Hey Hunny Pye!!
I'm having the same problems...especially with forgetting things. As I'm sitting here I suddenly remembered that I forgot to include some information about a test a patient was supposed to have in my progress notes. Been on the job for about six weeks now and I'm scared all the time. I had a bad weekend with my preceptor. She had a bad habit of talking to me as if I was one of her children, extremely condescending!!! And even banged her hands on the desk a few times when I didn't do things the way she wanted me to do them. Extremely frustrating to me, especially considering the fact that I'm older than this girl by at least a good 8-10 years. She is an excellent nurse but I hate the way she makes me feel. There's a saying that goes "I can do bad all by myself." and that's the way I feel, I don't need anyone's help to make me feel bad about myself right now. I'm doing that all by myself.
I guess the best advice I can give to all of the new grads out there is to keep praying and keep believing that this is exactly where God intends for you to be. It is so awesome what He can do in your life!!!! Good luck to you all!!!!!
Good Luck to everyone!!! I know that we all will be great nurses, we certainly care enough!! Good luck Jen in getting your job, I have my fingers crossed for yoU!
I could have written many many of your posts myself!!! My preceptor said it took her at least a year to feel comfortable as a nurse. I think for a long time I will get that "dread" feeling before going to work, especially once I am off orientation and lose that "safety blanket" of another nurse checking behind me and helping me out. I will just have to plunge in and not think too hard about being afraid, take things one hour and one shift at a time, and eventually I will not be so afraid any more. That is my hope, for me and ALL of us who are new!!!
Specializes in Peds Critical Care, Dialysis, General.
Tonight is my last shift as an orientee - GULP:barf02: Can I just say I am scared - the big clench in my tummy has begun. I just hope I don't get as shaky as I usually do.
I've had a nice couple of days off. Got to spend time with my one child (16yo daughter) who remains at home. My middle child comes home from college for the weekend and I hope to see my oldest.
This forum has been a lifesaver for me. I thought I was the only one who was going through all this stuff. I was getting ready for that bed in the mental health center - thought I was actually losing it! I do love my job as a PICU RN, but I can't wait til I feel a little less inadequate. I am told I am doing a great job - but I guess I'm harder on myself than anyone else.
Good Luck to everyone!!! I know that we all will be great nurses, we certainly care enough!! Good luck Jen in getting your job, I have my fingers crossed for yoU!
Hi ELKMNin06, I also go to CTC for nursing! Working on pre-req's still though. How long was the wait list for you at CTC?
nursesandra
6 Posts
I think all of us new nurses feel this way too. There are some days when you finish working where you just worry yourself sick thinking, Did i forget to do something with my pt? I try not to worry about it because I'll just end up having a burnout! It can be scary being a nurse, having all of this responsibility, but in the end, the patients appreaciate us and we mean so much to them. I find it's also hard to start working and the other experienced nurses expect so much from you.....and it does take years before you can start feeling confident.......or so i'm told!