Have you ever cried in front of the relatives?

[Purple_roses]

It's a very sad stage for one of my patients. Long story short, he is not getting the morphine that I believe he truly needs for comfort right now. I think he's in pain. The whole situation has been upsetting to me, and I cried right in front of his daughter, who then started crying as well. I felt bad because I feel like I should have been a better support.

[Purple_roses]

Can you talk to your manager or social worker?

I've talked with my manager about it. She's considering talking to the relatives about the severity of their dad's condition and about prioritizing his comfort.

[Purple_roses]

As a general rule, I do not cry with or in front of patients or their families. It is not because I'm cold or heartless, I just don't want to make the situation about me or my feelings and get too wrapped up in the emotions around me. In most cases, family is present and I feel that they need a nurse who is there for support but doesn't get so involved that they cannot do their job. I have cried holding the hand of a patient of mine who died a slow, agonizing death with no family present. Another nurse was thoughtful enough to come quietly sit with me. You would have to be made of stone to never cry for your patient's or their families......we're only human. However, if I cried every time I wanted to and let myself get too personally involved, it would eventually wear on me to the point that I could no longer do my job effectively. Therefore I have learned to be sympathetic while still remaining professional.

I think your approach is a good one. It's definitely something I need to work on. I feel that a lot of the time, the family needs a strong support that they can rely on in tough situations. Hopefully I'll have gotten better at this by the time I graduate nursing school.

[anon456, BSN, RN]

I just did it a couple of nights ago. I also told them I would be keeping them in my thoughts. It was just wet eyes, not flowing tears or sobs. They could see it in my face that I cared. They hugged me and said thank you. I think it really helps when they know we are are human and we care about their loved one, too, and share in their grief.

I was moved when we went to take my relative off life support and there were several tears by the nurses and a doc and it made me feel we were not alone, and they were going to take good care of my relative.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

I think your approach is a good one. It's definitely something I need to work on. I feel that a lot of the time, the family needs a strong support that they can rely on in tough situations. Hopefully I'll have gotten better at this by the time I graduate nursing school.

((HUGS)) It is a difficult situation...someone needs to talk with the family. My Aunt was convinced that the morphine would kill my grandmother....in this case it was my family and I let them have the cold hard facts that MY grandmother wasn't going to suffer til her last breath....and she didn't.

I have cried in front of families there are times you can' help it as that single tear sneaks out and down your cheek as you say I am so sorry.

It is a skill like anything else in nursing. ((HUGS)) Bless you for caring.

[Anna S, RN]

I've talked with my manager about it. She's considering talking to the relatives about the severity of their dad's condition and about prioritizing his comfort.

She better hurry up.

[Dranger]

No I can't say that I have

[Emergent, RN]

I have cried in front of patients a few times, feeling empathy and grief along with them. I didn't totally lose it, but sometimes, being human, I have broken down a bit. It helps to hug the person and use your crying in a therapeutic way. Its about them, and their grief, not about you and how you lost your mother, sister, husband.

But we are human and sometimes we are moved to tears.

[Pat_Pat RN]

They believe giving morphine will quicken the death.

It might. But, is that a bad thing? There are worse things that death.

[Purple_roses]

It might. But, is that a bad thing? There are worse things that death.

That's my thinking too. If the patient is going to die, would he rather die slower and in more pain? I wouldn't think so.

[NurseCard, ADN]

I honestly cannot say that I've ever cried in front of a family, patient, etc... I think I've come very close a time or two but no I've never truly cried like that. I have always tried to remain empathetic and be a good support. I think that I've become good, sometimes maybe too good?... at keeping myself emotionally removed from situations.

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

It's questions like this that bring home to me how different I am from most people.

I rarely cry about anything. I feel sorrow, but it's unthinkable to me, to cry with grieving patients and families.

I'm a bystander. An observer. A witness to the lives of my patients. I don't WANT to share their grief and sorrow.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Op, just be mindful and careful. We are not a party to what conversations the patient and family have had regarding end of life care. When one makes a person their decision maker, then that person is making decisions on behalf of the patient--WHICH sometimes becomes complex and more about the decision maker than the patient. There are more involved forms at this point, which get specific in patient's wishes. But an MD needs to be on board for this to occur.

It also takes a hospice nurse to really advocate and to discuss with the primary MD as to where this needs to go. And social work at this point to have a meeting to discuss what is going to make the patient comfortable and peaceful.

I know you are in a difficult situaiton. You are moving and repositioning and caring for someone who is in acute and horrible pain. And that is correct that you spoke to your manager about it. It has put you in a really hard place in having to do the work of "causing" pain to this patient. Do what you can, ask for guidance and assistance from the nurse.

And ask that a meeting happen now with the hospice care team. The family needs to be re-educated. To say all that they need to, and let their father have some peace.

You need to be crystal clear that to continue to care for this patient, to move him to complete your duties is becoming more of a detriment to the patient. Do not cry, but advocate as best you can. Don't judge what you don't know. Dad could have insisted that no narcotic pain medication be given. Period. We do not know that. But what you can say is that you are highly uncomfortable with this assignment.

You are in a difficult place, and I wish you nothing but the best in doing what you can.