Has anyone gone through nursing school with depression?

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Hello everyone, i am in the midst of a sever depressive episode and am in my first year second semester of nursing. I realized I have been depressed my whole life only around 6 days ago from age 11 to now 19 (funny not to realize, but a long story). I am plagued by other problems too related to things like anxiety, self-esteem, etc. The program I am in is very demanding (I'm sure almost everyone can relate to that haha). I feel absolutely terrible as you might imagine.

I went through the second most worst breakdown of my life only in December 2015 during my first semester exams. Of course at that point my lowest mark was a B and I ended up passing all my exams (the last one by only 2%) and three A's in the classes I finished. Didn't stop me from spending almost the whole month before in a perpetual state of fear that I would fail (one of my core nursing exams) and end up having to repeat the whole year if I didn't pick it up by next semester in the end. I'm talking multiple thoughts per day and obsessively(!!!) asking everyone who could provide me an answer the consequences of failing an exam first semester. Even now, the fears persist (towards many things like passing my exam to start clinical; fail twice and you do the whole year over) and extend to me not passing the NCLEX or second year, which is infinitely more demanding than first year (and look at how I'm doing!)

I feel terribly hopeless and sad. Exhausted and lonely. Especially as this voice in my head constantly tells me so many bad things about myself. I go to school and can't stop crying. I am getting help, I have two counsellors but haven't seen them in a long while (because of winter break, availability). My doctor knows and is the one who signed me up for my second counsellor. The help seems as if it can't come quick enough. Ultimately, I am very messed up after being this way for half my life. Anyways, I don't know what I'm getting at here. I have already taken an extra year off after high school before starting this program and can't really consider taking time off.

I guess I would just like to ask, has there been anyone in my situation before? Does anyone have any advice? This perpetual stress makes me want to jump out of every window I see. I won't do it, but the thoughts wear down on a person. The only people who really understand how I feel are those who are depressed like myself, or have been. Anyways, thanks for reading.

I'm glad you've made appointments! I hope they go well!

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

I went through nursing school with depression and anxiety secondary to PTSD; in hindsight I really should've done it on meds and therapy; I was triggered several times, even when I thought I was OK, my instructors would point it out, and those who knew were my rock during nursing school-I had enormous support, but I wouldn't do that again. :no:

I currently have a psychiatrist who monitors how I respond to an atypical antipsychotic and see a therapist for EDMR for trauma.

Nursing is stressful, and that can be managed; however, the best way to survive and thrive in the business is to be in the best health, whatever that will be if you continue, which is really of no importance right now...the ideations that you have can be dangerous. I remover being so anxious and depressed and feeling like I was in so much pain that I wanted to shove my hand into my garbage disposal just to ease the pain-I was so scared I would avoid cooking and was scared to wash dishes because I didn't trust myself...I'm in a much better place, thanks to meds and therapy. I even work in a high-stress environment-a Level 1 Trauna Pedi ED and currently have a low dose med and still see the two therapists. It took a lot, but I've made it work and am in a very happy place personally and professionally.

Be gentle to yourself...you have gotten started in your road-take care and do what's best for your health.

Best wishes.

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trapstudent said:
If you don't mind me asking, in what ways do you personally find it emotionally demanding?

If you're an introvert (being "out there" with people burns energy rather than generates it like being social does for extroverts), you're putting yourself in a position where you will spend twelve hours a day, several days in a row with several patients and their families who are far from being at their best or on their best behavior. While doing your job, you need to be cheerful and professional and make the person in the bed feel dignified, no matter how you feel or how tired and drained you are. There are also certain kinds of patients you won't get as a student that you will get as a nurse (and even if you did get them as students, there'd be an instructor right there with you). While I did once have a patient take a swing at me during an externship, as part of clinical, I never had homeless-unmedicated-bipolar guy, belligerent and "possibly" suffering from dementia (family's not sure) guy who I had to put in restraints, or anyone who was potentially dangerous. Not saying this is a daily occurrence, but it happens more than you'd think. Talking about it in class wasn't the same. In reality, it saps your emotional reserves.

Twelve hour shifts (with little or no time for lunch or even a pee break on some days) mean you are very worn out when you finally get home and you have very little down time before you crash from exhaustion. Then, you get up and do it all again the next day.

I like being a nurse, but I feel very fortunate in my belief that there are many things I can do and be happy. I hope you can tough out the program if that's where your heart is, but I do hate to see anyone locked into a single career path. There's a big world out there!

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Specializes in Addictions, Acute Psychiatry.

Depression is a horror, I know. In nursing you're expected to be a resource, so it would be very difficult trying to help someone with unresolved issues that could complicate traumatic situations like suicide, death, and horrible things that happen to the innocent who are admitted to hospitals. A normal, healthy nurse can be driven to the edge, needing additional support because of the types of patients we care for. This does not include some very dysfunctional environments that seem to pervade the profession (that other employers wouldn't tolerate for a day). I would second several of those advising you seek professional help, moving towards a career counselor. There are many rewarding jobs out there that don't expect so much giving of yourself, which invariably can take a toll on any nurse.

I wish you the utmost success in your future.

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Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.

I just want to say that you are already taking the first step in conquering this monster. You've come here looking for support!

I've been anxious since the day I was born and have battled depression for all of my adult life. Depression has cost me a lot in life. It really is a beast. But it's treatable and controllable, even if it may not be curable.

I work in psych now, and let me tell you (from being a psych patient and a psych nurse) that people afflicted with depression can and DO succeed in many, many different careers.

Please update us! We do care.

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Specializes in hospice.

Um, based on my experiences and the experiences of my classmates i think everyone has gone through nursing school with depression. It's doable.

P.S. Trying to wean yourself off of meds while in school is a REALLY bad idea. Don't ask me how I know that.

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Specializes in LTC and Pediatrics.

I went through nursing school with depression and anxiety. It is part of the reason I got so close to the ADN, but the stress level in al aspects of my life caused me to step back and made the decision to stop with my LPN. Sometimes, we need to take a "mental health" break, get treatment and to take care of ourselves. Once you do that, you can decide if you still want to be a nurse or not. Many of us have done it. I did keep a regular schedule of seeing my therapist through it all which helped.

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I don't know if anyone will see this, but an update. I went into my second year even worse (which is the worst year in terms of workload) but I would have killed myself had I stayed, so I took the year off (which my parents don't know I did, yay to having a messy life!). In nursing school where everyone is stressed, it's sort of an every-man-for-themselves thing and it was terrible to be breaking down and crying so many times in class or lab or the hallways and no one asking if I was okay. In my second year I'd keep leaving my lecture and going to the roof wanting to jump, but ew who really wants to die at school ya know? Hence the leaving. I'll be going back in September. I can't say I've improved a whole lot since I left, or since I wrote the initial post, (but in my situation, I have no one really helping me and am doing it alone) but I have a diagnosis now (major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder) and a way to move forward. I've gotten this far, which is amazing I think. I will be better. I now know at least I can get through nursing school. It's funny, because even while I was horribly depressed I did well academically, especially considering the state I was in. So, all things considered, I am ready to kick ass in the future.

If there are any depressed students who read this, you can message me. If someone like me, who for all intents and purposes should be dead by now is still alive and fighting, you can do it too.

((and wow, i feel like crying now!))

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trapstudent said:
I don't know if anyone will see this, but an update. I went into my second year even worse (which is the worst year in terms of workload) but I would have killed myself had I stayed, so I took the year off (which my parents don't know I did, yay to having a messy life!). In nursing school where everyone is stressed, it's sort of an every-man-for-themselves thing and it was terrible to be breaking down and crying so many times in class or lab or the hallways and no one asking if I was okay. In my second year I'd keep leaving my lecture and going to the roof wanting to jump, but ew who really wants to die at school ya know? Hence the leaving. I'll be going back in September. I can't say I've improved a whole lot since I left, or since I wrote the initial post, (but in my situation, I have no one really helping me and am doing it alone) but I have a diagnosis now (major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder) and a way to move forward. I've gotten this far, which is amazing I think. I will be better. I now know at least I can get through nursing school. It's funny, because even while I was horribly depressed I did well academically, especially considering the state I was in. So, all things considered, I am ready to kick *** in the future.

If there are any depressed students who read this, you can message me. If someone like me, who for all intents and purposes should be dead by now is still alive and fighting, you can do it too.

((and wow, I feel like crying now!))

((Hugs))

I'm glad you now have a diagnosis. There's your first step.

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On 4/28/2017 at 1:52 AM, trapstudent said:

I don't know if anyone will see this, but an update. I went into my second year even worse (which is the worst year in terms of workload) but I would have killed myself had I stayed, so I took the year off (which my parents don't know I did, yay to having a messy life!). In nursing school where everyone is stressed, it's sort of an every-man-for-themselves thing and it was terrible to be breaking down and crying so many times in class or lab or the hallways and no one asking if I was okay. In my second year I'd keep leaving my lecture and going to the roof wanting to jump, but ew who really wants to die at school ya know? Hence the leaving. I'll be going back in September. I can't say I've improved a whole lot since I left, or since I wrote the initial post, (but in my situation, I have no one really helping me and am doing it alone) but I have a diagnosis now (major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder) and a way to move forward. I've gotten this far, which is amazing I think. I will be better. I now know at least I can get through nursing school. It's funny, because even while I was horribly depressed I did well academically, especially considering the state I was in. So, all things considered, I am ready to kick *** in the future.

If there are any depressed students who read this, you can message me. If someone like me, who for all intents and purposes should be dead by now is still alive and fighting, you can do it too.

((and WOW!, I feel like crying now!))

I know this is over 3 years later, but I went searching for “nursing students depressed while in nursing school” and came across this thread. Firstly, thank you for sharing. It’s not an easy thing to do and I want to acknowledge the strength it takes to even share what you’re experiencing with the world. I am also suffering from MDD and it’s terrible. I hear you when you said you didn’t feel supported and you felt like you were going through it alone. I was recently accepted into a nursing program and will attend next year (fingers crossed). I’m worried about how my diagnosis may also affect me. How are you doing now after this last updated post and with the state of things in the world today?

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On 8/18/2020 at 9:20 PM, Jaybee1 said:

I know this is over 3 years later, but I went searching for “nursing students depressed while in nursing school” and came across this thread. Firstly, thank you for sharing. It’s not an easy thing to do and I want to acknowledge the strength it takes to even share what you’re experiencing with the world. I am also suffering from MDD and it’s terrible. I hear you when you said you didn’t feel supported and you felt like you were going through it alone. I was recently accepted into a nursing program and will attend next year (fingers crossed). I’m worried about how my diagnosis may also affect me. How are you doing now after this last updated post and with the state of things in the world today?

Hello! Thank you for the kind words. CONGRATS on your acceptance! That is great. And yes, it is terrible. My heart goes out to you, I know exactly what it feels like. The current state of the world as of late really threw me for an absolute loop, but I am back on my feet now! Now, since 2017:

Considering it's been almost three years, I am not sure I can condense or even cover all I want to say. To begin, I have finished my nursing courses. I just have a few electives left that I will finish by the end of the year, and after that I will take the NCLEX. So I WAS able to get through nursing school, so that is the silver lining. HOWEVER, it was a struggle honestly. I am not sure what other factors confound in your life to benefit or hinder your MDD, so I don't want to cause alarm, but my circumstances were not beneficial to my diagnosis and schooling. With that considered (please keep in mind this is all specific to myself), my experience in school was less than optimal. I became a rather lacklustre student (GPA went down). I commonly guessed on tests at times, thankfully never failed anything. My accountability was also very very terrible. I was unable to get assignments done, causing trouble for my profs and advisors. I would ignore emails (anxiety), and disappear at times. When I think back to that time, they were pretty flexible and kind, and I had a lot of occurrences as a result of my bull**** that should have really resulted in real consequences. But, I think this was allowed to occur as well because my program despite being quite competitive, is crap in quite a few regards. I also don't know if you are American, and I am thinking some nursing programs in the US vary greatly from the one I was in (in Toronto). So circumstances may be very different.

Now, that was negative! BUT, there are many things I wish I had done differently with hindsight. And if I had had these things in check, I could have absolutely aced undergrad. But I also did have a lot of fun, I loved learning, and I am sure I will eventually really miss it again!

My advice is (some of these things you may already do):

- Get on a medication if you're not on one. I went on and off so many times because I was a mess (funny to teach others about medication adherence and have the self-awareness that you are doing the opposite). They are a great great help.

- Go to therapy or counselling, if you don't already. Stick with it. If your campus has the option, use it. If you can get it through any other means, use it. It is vital. Essential. I needed it. Join the disability services in your school/program if that is an option. 

- Be as transparent as possible if you can, with anyone who needs to know about your diagnosis and how it can affect your schooling. By virtue of being diagnosed with quiet BPD, I internalize everything, and people really don't know if you're suffering unless you tell them. Don't be afraid to ask for extensions, for more help. Let them know if you are struggling. I didn't do this. 

- If possible, find a good group of friends and/or study buddies. This can be a lifesaver. It helped me immensely. Support is a great boon. It can ease the burden of work and provide reprieve.

- Engage in self-care. Plan how to take care of your health. It is vital to take care of yourself. Seriously. Physical health. Work out and eat well mostly. Schedule wind down time for yourself. School is mighty stressful at times even for well-adjusted peeps. What do you like to do? Do it! Schedule time for it! I ran around like a chicken without a head - always on the go. Not worth it.

- Plan plan plan! This ties into the time management part of nursing school, but I found it helpful to follow a detailed schedule (although I didn't stick to it as I should have). Heck, I planned when I would shampoo just so I didn't have to think about it. But don't stress over these plans. It just helps you keep your head on.

- It pays to be emotionally healthy. You may very well meet many crappy people. I did. I met some absolutely wonderful people I loved. But it is a reality you may run into people who are mean just to be mean. Nurses who eat their young. *** doctors. Learn how to advocate for yourself. I did not, I was too broken. Understand now that their issues are not a reflection of you. Seek out the positives in nursing.

- Journal/write and do a lot of reflection on your experiences. Anything that bothers you.

- Get a mentor. I never got one so I'm not even sure how one goes about finding one, but I wish I had. I did have people I knew one or two years ahead of me, and it helped so so much. 

- Hell I will say it again, TIME MANAGEMENT! Start the paper a week early one paragraph at a time, two weeks ahead. Break it up. Don't let the work become a mountain.

- Sometimes you cannot do something. That is alright. Take a break. Don't compare yourself to others. And other times you have no choice but you have to push through. It sucks, but you will get through it!

- TREAT YOURSELF! TREAT YOURSELF! BE NICE TO YOURSELF! Have a cheat day, a rest day, once in a while, whenever you can!

In the end I became disillusioned with the profession, but time outside of school slowly has slowly rewarmed me to nursing. I would choose it again given the option. Had I possessed the hindsight, I think it would have overall been a wonderful experience.

You've got this, and you will get through it. Be proactive, as you are now. All the best to you! :) <3

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11 hours ago, trapstudent said:

Hello! Thank you for the kind words. CONGRATS on your acceptance! That is great. And yes, it is terrible. My heart goes out to you, I know exactly what it feels like. The current state of the world as of late really threw me for an absolute loop, but I am back on my feet now! Now, since 2017:

Considering it's been almost three years, I am not sure I can condense or even cover all I want to say. To begin, I have finished my nursing courses. I just have a few electives left that I will finish by the end of the year, and after that I will take the NCLEX. So I WAS able to get through nursing school, so that is the silver lining. HOWEVER, it was a struggle honestly. I am not sure what other factors confound in your life to benefit or hinder your MDD, so I don't want to cause alarm, but my circumstances were not beneficial to my diagnosis and schooling. With that considered (please keep in mind this is all specific to myself), my experience in school was less than optimal. I became a rather lacklustre student (GPA went down). I commonly guessed on tests at times, thankfully never failed anything. My accountability was also very very terrible. I was unable to get assignments done, causing trouble for my profs and advisors. I would ignore emails (anxiety), and disappear at times. When I think back to that time, they were pretty flexible and kind, and I had a lot of occurrences as a result of my bull**** that should have really resulted in real consequences. But, I think this was allowed to occur as well because my program despite being quite competitive, is crap in quite a few regards. I also don't know if you are American, and I am thinking some nursing programs in the US vary greatly from the one I was in (in Toronto). So circumstances may be very different.

Now, that was negative! BUT, there are many things I wish I had done differently with hindsight. And if I had had these things in check, I could have absolutely aced undergrad. But I also did have a lot of fun, I loved learning, and I am sure I will eventually really miss it again!

My advice is (some of these things you may already do):

- Get on a medication if you're not on one. I went on and off so many times because I was a mess (funny to teach others about medication adherence and have the self-awareness that you are doing the opposite). They are a great great help.

- Go to therapy or counselling, if you don't already. Stick with it. If your campus has the option, use it. If you can get it through any other means, use it. It is vital. Essential. I needed it. Join the disability services in your school/program if that is an option. 

- Be as transparent as possible if you can, with anyone who needs to know about your diagnosis and how it can affect your schooling. By virtue of being diagnosed with quiet BPD, I internalize everything, and people really don't know if you're suffering unless you tell them. Don't be afraid to ask for extensions, for more help. Let them know if you are struggling. I didn't do this. 

- If possible, find a good group of friends and/or study buddies. This can be a lifesaver. It helped me immensely. Support is a great boon. It can ease the burden of work and provide reprieve.

- Engage in self-care. Plan how to take care of your health. It is vital to take care of yourself. Seriously. Physical health. Work out and eat well mostly. Schedule wind down time for yourself. School is mighty stressful at times even for well-adjusted peeps. What do you like to do? Do it! Schedule time for it! I ran around like a chicken without a head - always on the go. Not worth it.

- Plan plan plan! This ties into the time management part of nursing school, but I found it helpful to follow a detailed schedule (although I didn't stick to it as I should have). Heck, I planned when I would shampoo just so I didn't have to think about it. But don't stress over these plans. It just helps you keep your head on.

- It pays to be emotionally healthy. You may very well meet many crappy people. I did. I met some absolutely wonderful people I loved. But it is a reality you may run into people who are mean just to be mean. Nurses who eat their young. *** doctors. Learn how to advocate for yourself. I did not, I was too broken. Understand now that their issues are not a reflection of you. Seek out the positives in nursing.

- Journal/write and do a lot of reflection on your experiences. Anything that bothers you.

- Get a mentor. I never got one so I'm not even sure how one goes about finding one, but I wish I had. I did have people I knew one or two years ahead of me, and it helped so so much. 

- Hell I will say it again, TIME MANAGEMENT! Start the paper a week early one paragraph at a time, two weeks ahead. Break it up. Don't let the work become a mountain.

- Sometimes you cannot do something. That is alright. Take a break. Don't compare yourself to others. And other times you have no choice but you have to push through. It sucks, but you will get through it!

- TREAT YOURSELF! TREAT YOURSELF! BE NICE TO YOURSELF! Have a cheat day, a rest day, once in a while, whenever you can!

In the end I became disillusioned with the profession, but time outside of school slowly has slowly rewarmed me to nursing. I would choose it again given the option. Had I possessed the hindsight, I think it would have overall been a wonderful experience.

You've got this, and you will get through it. Be proactive, as you are now. All the best to you! ? ❤️

WOW! what a wonderful, well thought out response! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, you really are amazing! I am currently in the US and it does sound like the nursing school experience is what it is wherever you are in the world. I’m so glad to see that you’re doing better and almost at the finish line, well done! Also happy to see that you would do it all again if given the chance and that you’re choosing to stick with the profession. I wish you all the best, I think you’ll make an amazing nurse, the field will be lucky to have you. I am also taking a screenshot of your message and referring back to it once I’m in the program because you included so much useful advice and tips! 

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